Yet Another Day

FIC: MV 3, First Session, Q/O, NC17

Sat, 29 Aug 2009 16:12:10 GMT

Next story in the Master's Voice series.

Master's Voice starts at:     katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html
MV2, Honeymoon, starts at: katbear.livejournal.com/31233.html

Title: First Session
Author: KatBear (katbear@cox.net)
Category: AR
Rating: NC17 for explicit sexual activity
Pairing: Q/O (Quilan Finn/Ben Kennan)
Feedback: Appreciated.
Thanks: To the beta readers who made this a better story (Merry Amelie, Bonny Magret). All mistakes are my own.
Summary: First Tai Chi session after the long-awaited consummation.
Warnings: If male-male sex bothers you, you shouldn’t be here.
Spoilers: None, alternate reality set in 21st century Earth in fictional part of the western U.S.
Notes: 1. The primary setting is not based on any actual specific real location or persons but is a composite of possible geography, town features, transplanted state university, etc. 2. The federal agencies mentioned are real but liberties have been taken with some policies, practices and job duties. 3. This is the third story in the Master's Voice series.

Master's Voice
MV2 – Honeymoon
MV3 – First Session

Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing with them.

************* *****************

In the early evening dusk, Ben motored carefully through the inch of snow on the long driveway. A smile lit his face when he saw the battered pickup in the carport, then he looked more closely as he stopped to open the garage door.

"Looks like Qui has been busy today," Ben muttered to himself, "already put new walls on the carport and fixed its roof." He shrugged and put Myrna away.

Dexy and Delilah eagerly greeted him as Ben passed through the laundry room so he stopped to pet them before going into the kitchen.

"Smells good tonight," Ben said as he took an appreciative sniff.

"Pot roast with vegetables," Jane said absently as she stood at the sink washing some stray pans and plates. "Be ready in about a half hour."

"Okay, thanks. I'll be back up to set the table."

"Ben, do you think you'll have some time this weekend to help me with calculus?" asked Rafa, putting a finger in the textbook on the kitchen table to hold her place. "We've got a test coming up and I still can't figure out some of the things in the last chapter."

"Sure, no problem. I'm off Sunday if that works for you."

"Sunday after lunch would be great, if you don't mind," Rafa said.

"It's a date." Ben smiled and turned for the stairs. His smile got wider the closer he got to the basement. He paused in the doorway to watch a moment as Qui sat at the table concentrating on replacing the windings of a snowshoe.

Qui looked up from his task, the slow grin reflecting the light in his eyes. He barely had time to stand up and take a step before his breath whooshed out from the impact of Ben jumping into his arms and wrapping him in a tight hug.

"Missed you," Ben murmured, grabbing Qui's head and pulling him down for a long, deep kiss. "Ahhh, needed that."

"Missed you, too." Qui laughed, then picked up his mate and plonked them both down on the couch for a cuddle. "If that's your reaction after less than one day, though, I'm not sure I'm going to survive a week or two apart."

"I don't think I'll be able to," Ben murmured as he crawled into Qui's lap, his knees straddling his lover's hips, "but I'll worry about that later." He dove in for another kiss, then settled down to snuggle into his lover.

They held each other quietly for several minutes, occasionally kissing, enjoying the warmth of their closeness.

"So how was your first day back at work?" Qui asked, slowly rubbing a hand up and down Ben's back.

"Alright, I suppose." Ben shrugged off the question and tried to maneuver in to nibble Qui's earlobe.

"Anything wrong?" Qui frowned and pushed Ben away to arm's length. "You're usually pretty happy about your job."

"Hey, I like my job," Ben said, his tone defensive. He looked away, hesitated. "It's just…" He sighed as he thought about his real problem that day.

"Talk to me, Ben," Qui said, firmly rebuffing his lover's attempt to get closer.

"I didn't… I mean…" Ben squirmed a little. "Dammit, it was harder than I thought it was going to be to get back into it. I found out the hard way I had a problem when I was first falling in love with you, when I believed all I had was a hopeless dream. I was certain I had figured out how to separate that part of my life and keep my emotions from interfering with my job, but today…" He waved a hand helplessly. "I kept thinking about you instead of the work. I couldn't stop seeing you… feeling you. The new part-time guy, Gordy Taylor, asked me if I had a hot girlfriend 'cause he said I was looking kind of goofy." He stopped and hung his head. "I even screwed up a simple little thing like counting some of the supplies for an inventory update, something I should have been able to do in my sleep, and my boss caught it." Ben bit his lower lip, then looked up. "I guess I've got to relearn how to get my head out of my ass and concentrate."

"If you did it once, you can do it again," said Qui. "Sounds like 'tis a very good thing we've got a session tonight so you can work on focusing." He stood up, almost dropping Ben on the floor before he caught the young man's arm.

"I'm not sure it's really such a good idea," replied Ben doubtfully. "I don't know if I'm up to it yet. I truly am finding it difficult to think of you as anything but my lover."

"That's as it may be, but I know how to make the distinction and I can guarantee that a boot up your arse will dislodge your head," said Qui cheerfully, "or else leave a hell of a bruise. Either way, I'll be getting your attention off your current problem and reminding you that we've both different parts to our lives."

"You don't sound very sympathetic." Ben let his face droop into a mock pout, then wrinkled his nose. "I thought you loved me."

"I've got loads of sympathy, but I also love you enough to be kicking your arse when you're needing it." Qui grinned and playfully punched Ben's arm. "Now come on, boyo, I'm hungry and I expect dinner's about ready by now. Besides, I think it's your turn to set the table tonight."

Ben watched as Qui practically trotted up the stairs, then shook his head before slowly following to carry out his chore. Although he had tried to turn a potential whine into a joke, his uncertainty about his readiness to resume their strict lessons was nagging at the back of his mind.

**************   **********

The air in the old barn had a definite chill, but was still decidedly warmer than outdoors. Cel stuck her head through the open half door to her stall, a long streamer of hay hanging from her mouth as she stared at the two men in the middle of the floor.

"We'll have more room here than in the house," said Qui. He quirked an eyebrow, "Unless you'd rather do this in the yard, of course."

"No, no, this is fine," said Ben hastily, who was certain the hardy ranger would happily work outside if he gave him the slightest encouragement. He was glad he had worn a heavy sweatshirt over his t-shirt.

Qui's lips twitched as if he knew exactly what Ben was thinking, but his mien quickly turned serious. "It's been a while since we've had a formal session, so we'll be reviewing some basics tonight." He moved to the center of the floor. "Are you ready to begin?"

"I suppose so." Ben hesitated, chewing on the inside of his cheek, trying to still his uneasiness about his ability to deal with this aspect of their relationship.

"We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable with it," Qui said softly.

"No, I want to." Ben took a deep breath, then walked over to stand opposite Qui. He bowed, "Good evening, Sifu." When he straightened and looked up, it was clear he was no longer facing his lover, and Ben had another moment of doubt.

"Good evening, Sidai." Cool blue eyes raked the student, measuring his readiness. "We shall start with stretching."

"Yes, Sifu."

The two men spent a good ten minutes doing slow stretches. Qui then directed several minutes of breathing drills before allowing Ben to start the square form under his critical eye.

"Remember, stay centered, breathe in and down," said Qui quietly as he moved around to observe the exercise.

Ben was working hard on trying to stay focused and allowed himself a small feeling of satisfaction at his success. Unfortunately his peace was blown away by a hot flash of lust when Qui moved close and used his hands to correct small imperfections in his stance. He involuntarily moved into the pressure on his shoulders in a vain attempt for more contact.

"Stop!"

The chilly air was not doing much to relieve the flush that swept up Ben's neck and manifested itself in two bright spots on his cheeks.

"You are neither centered nor concentrating," admonished Qui. "Give me twenty-five fast pushups in proper form."

"Yes, Sifu." Ben immediately dropped and began doing pushups as quickly as he could, his gaze riveted on the floor. He waited silently after he finished, listening to the footsteps that circled him.

"Are you ready to continue, Sidai?"

"Yes, Sifu."

"Up and assume the starting position."

Ben jumped to his feet, took a moment to compose himself; after Qui's nod, he began the exercise again.

The precise movements needed for the square form helped take Ben's attention away from the presence that orbited around him. Step by step, position by position, he kept a steady rhythm all the way to the final graceful exit. Ben took a slow, deep breath as he looked toward his teacher.

"Not too bad, but you need to stop flapping your arms about like a bloody great bird."

"Yes, Sifu."

"The square form requires precision and grace. Do it again at half speed, and remember to stay centered."

"Yes, Sifu." A touch of irritation roughened Ben's voice, but he pushed it aside and moved to the first position.

As the exercise progressed, Ben had to firmly remind himself that he wanted this and that the discipline was good for him. The slow pace seemed to make it easier for his teacher to find flaws and more difficult for the student to treat the hands-on corrections impersonally. He caught himself making mistakes, no longer sure if it wasn't an unconscious ploy for more of those enticing touches.

"Sidai."

The flat tone did not bode well for Ben's short-term sense of well-being. He hesitated halfway through his move, then stopped altogether.

"Yes, Sifu?"

"You've made the same mistake three times and your mind seems to be wandering somewhere far from here. Are you listening to me?"

"Of course I'm listening."

"Let me rephrase, Sidai – are you hearing what I've been trying to tell you?"

"That doesn't make any sense. What are you talking about?" scowled Ben.

"Your attitude is neither appropriate nor conducive to proper attainment of inner harmony, Sidai."

Ben stood with legs apart and arms folded across his chest. "So what is it I'm supposed to be doing?" He shot a glare over his shoulder as Cel snorted disdainfully before retreating into her stall.

"Learning to pay attention to your center." Qui let a hint of exasperation into his tone. "Obviously push-ups did not accomplish that, so you are going to do five repetitions of a different exercise. Lie on your back on the ground with your legs up."

"Now that's my kind of exercise," Ben cracked, a lopsided grin on his face. "But you must have had an extra big shot of vitamin E if we're going to do it five times."

The atmosphere turned glacial and the look in Quilan Finn's eyes could have turned molten lava to ice.

"Ten repetitions," said Qui quietly. "And you will notify me immediately if you injure yourself."

Shit, shit, shit, Ben thought to himself, I think I just stepped in it big time. He swallowed. This does not sound good.

"Whenever you are ready, Sidai." Qui stared at his student, his face expressionless.

"Um, yes, Sifu." Ben quickly laid himself down with his legs straight up.

"This is a slow six count exercise, Sidai. On the count of one, you will lower your legs to between one and two feet above the floor. On two, you will extend your legs apart sideways as far as you can, keeping them parallel to the ground, then on three bring them back together. Four and five are a repetition of two and three, while on the count of six you will return your legs to the vertical position." Qui moved to stand near Ben's head. "Remember, this is no different than doing your Tai Chi forms. At all times you should maintain awareness of your body, letting your center control your movements. Unless you have any questions, you may begin. Stay with my count."

"Yes, Sifu." Ben took a deep breath, shifted his hands out for better balance, and started.

It took only a few repetitions for Ben to understand Qui's comment about possibly injuring himself. The count was torturously slow and his middle was the only thing on Ben's mind as he strained to keep his legs moving under his teacher's eagle eye, although he doubted it was the type of centering Qui had had in mind.

"Lower," Qui barked on the fourth set. "Keep your legs down and straight when you extend them."

By the seventh set Ben's abdominal muscles were screaming at him, while he cursed himself for his inability to resist that stupid smart-alecky remark.

On the ninth set Ben was gasping for breath, his fists clenched, his head back as he grimly hung on, determined to finish.

"And ten. You may lower your legs now."

Ben let his lower limbs drop; he sucked in deep breaths as he clutched his stomach.

"Owww," moaned Ben.

Qui knelt down and put a hand on Ben's stomach. "Are you hurt?"

"I don't think so." Ben shook his head. "It's just sore. I guess I haven't been doing nearly enough sit-ups."

"It will feel worse tomorrow, so be careful." On that cheery note, Qui shifted around to reach under Ben's shoulders and haul him to his feet.

Feeling a bit shaky, Ben stood waiting to see what his next instructions would be, doubts creeping in once more about why he was doing this.

"Sidai, look at me." Qui stood about four feet in front of his student.

Ben tilted his head back.

"You have the physical skills to do Tai Chi, Sidai, but I'm not certain that you're truly grasping the philosophy of Tai Chi."

"I don't think I understand, Sifu." Ben shifted his weight impatiently, by now wanting to just get this session over with, but mindful of keeping his words respectful. "I thought I was getting better."

"Better is a relative term," said Qui. "Progress in executing the movements is one thing, and that is good, but the purpose of them is to provide a focus to help you attain a state of mental calm and clarity. You want to pull your energy into your center; the breathing helps you to do that. Then you can use that energy, your mind, your breathing and your focus, to feel the flow, the connection of mind and body, and let all distractions fall away."

Qui took a step closer. "I was watching you during that exercise and it seemed to me that you were simply trying to power through with your legs and stomach muscles alone." He shook his head. "Do you feel not even a hint of something inside? I know we've only been doing this less than six months, but have I not been able to teach you anything at all of the inner harmony that I have tried to make so much a part of my life?"

There was a long silence.

Ben looked down, not able to meet the disappointment lurking in Qui's eyes. "I guess I would have to say… not very much." He paused. "There have been some moments, especially when we were doing the smooth form together, but overall… no."

There was another silence.

"Do you trust me enough to let me try something, Sidai?"

"Of course," Ben nodded.

"Assume the starting position, close your eyes, and just work on centering and breathing," said Qui softly.

Feet slightly apart, arms at his side, Ben worked at calming his thoughts. He started a bit when he felt moderate pressure from fingertips on his temples.

"Relax, keep your eyes closed," murmured Qui. "Don't think… just breathe, slow and steady. Let relaxation flow from your head down to your feet."

Ben followed the instructions, letting his body release lingering tensions bit by bit.

"Feel your breath, feel your heart beat." The low-pitched stream of words continued. "Look inside yourself… no distractions… only the here and now."

Time lost meaning for Ben under the sustained flow of the hypnotic voice and pressure. Deeper and deeper he sank into a well of warm, velvety blackness, freed from the agitations of the physical world.

"There is only here… there is only now… there is only the essence of you," whispered Qui. "Can you feel the focus inside?"

"Yes." The word sighed from Ben's lips.

"I want you to keep your eyes closed and stay focused," came Qui's low-voiced directions. "When you are ready, do the Yang 24 round form at whatever speed makes you comfortable."

Ben shifted as the soothing pressure slipped from his skin, a barely heard whimper of loss escaping.

"I'm here, Sidai. I won't let you fall."

A long, slow breath sounded loud in Ben's ears. Molecules of air drifted slowly down his throat to his belly as Ben let his body absorb the starting position. A brief moment of indecision held him motionless, then Ben simply let go and allowed his center to launch into the exercise.

Arms moved, legs turned and his body traveled across the floor in the ancient dance, but Ben felt detached, as if watching himself from a distance. He worked only at staying nestled in the soft warm center and let his physical being do what it would. Niceties of form were only a stray thought; when he stumbled there was always a strong arm to keep him upright and safe. Eventually Ben reached the final form and came to rest. Another long, slow breath, eyes blinking as light returned, and a soft sigh.

"How are you, Sidai?" Qui stood a scant few feet away, hands at his sides.

"Good, Sifu, very good." Ben nodded his head. "That was quite a… remarkable experience."

"Do you wish to discuss it?"

Ben considered the question for a moment. "I think I need to take some time to understand this first," he said as he shook his head.

"As you wish," Qui replied. "We shall conclude with stretches."

The two men finished the session in near silence, then completed their ending ritual before heading back to the house.

***********     ***************

Ben sat at the desk in their bedroom, staring sightlessly at the blinking cursor on the screen of his laptop computer. Qui had disappeared upstairs after they came in, so Ben had intended to send an email to his sister. His mind had quickly begun wandering, however, with thoughts of his woes at work that day competing with images of the evening's activities.

"Thought you might be wanting a little something."

"Hmm?" Ben shook himself and turned his chair.

"Brought you some hot cocoa." Qui handed over a steaming mug, then took his own cup and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Thanks."

The two men sat in silence for a few minutes. They slowly sipped their chocolate, each seemingly absorbed in his own thoughts.

Ben drained his mug and set it on the desk. He hesitated, took a deep breath, and finally spoke, "Qui, I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry if you're disappointed in me."

Qui reared his head back and stared. "What the bloody hell are you nattering on about?"

"Well, I've been thinking about how I acted today," Ben said. He shook his head, tilting it sideways. "I know you said you don't like it if I'm too needy, too fixated on you, and I couldn't focus properly during the session or at work because I kept wanting you… I just thought… you know…"

"Bollocks!" Qui put his cup down on the nightstand. "I love you, ya eejit. That also means I aim to keep helping you with the things you first came to me about, if that's what you're really wanting. Let's start with the session tonight, for example. That is an area of my life I can't and won't compromise if you're serious about the teaching, but I was making a particular effort to be impartial, trying to emphasize the different roles we need to have in session. It was pretty obvious to me that you felt uncomfortable and distracted, so I have to ask you again if you're sure you want to continue?"

"I was having problems, but I definitely want to continue. What I felt, there at the end, was incredible, so peaceful… it was like a glimpse of what struck me the first time I saw you doing Tai Chi. That was a large part of what pushed me into trying to get you to teach me." Ben smiled sheepishly. "Aside from just wanting to get to know you better in general, of course." He paused. "Could I ask how long it took you to be able to achieve that kind of focus for a whole exercise?"

"I'm glad to hear you want to keep going. Sticking with it for the long haul won't be easy, but I think you'll find it worthwhile in the end. As for me, I felt it a little at a time, getting closer over many months." Qui stopped for a moment, slowly nodded.   "One day out in the forest it all came together, and I've just kept working at it ever since. I've found that Tai Chi truly is a moving meditation and helps me release the stress and problems of life."

"I guess I'll just have to keep plugging away, if you'll have me." Ben let a wisp of a wistful smile flit over his face.

"Now you're just fishing for sympathy, boyo." Qui grinned. "I'm willing to indulge you tonight, though, if it will make you feel better." His expression turned serious. "I don't think you're being too needy right now, Ben."

"But it seems I can't stop thinking about you." Frustration was clear in Ben's voice. "I feel like I've got some kind of obsession that I can't control, and I need to learn how to get my head together again."

"Listen to me, Ben." Qui left the bed and knelt in front of his lover, letting his hands rest lightly on Ben's thighs. "What is happening to you right now is one of the most incredible things you will ever experience in your life. The first flush of new love is like a bonfire that seems to consume you, a wonderful exhilaration that you don't want to let go of." He smiled wryly. "I feel it too, so I understand what you're going through, and I do sympathize. I've been there before, though, so don't worry, it doesn't last."

"Are you saying that I'm going to stop loving you?" Ben grabbed one of Qui's hands, his eyes wide.

"No, not at all," Qui said soothingly. "But love changes over time. In the beginning it's hot and blazing, but true love grows stronger and deeper if you nurture it. Our challenge is to help it grow, to work with each other to get past problems and keep our love strong." Qui shifted Ben's palm to rest over his own heart, then slipped his other hand under his lover's shirt to rest it over Ben's heart. "Love is like building a strong house; you need a strong foundation for both that binds us together while still allowing each of us to grow as individuals." He pressed a little harder with his fingers. "I will always be there, inside your heart, just as you are inside mine. If you remember that, and believe that, it will give you the security to help you learn to focus on other things in your life when you need to or want to."

"Do you mean it's like having a common foundation but moving to another room in the house when you need to do something different?" asked Ben slowly, his brows knitted as he wrestled with this new concept.

"That's an excellent way to think of it." Qui smiled in approval. "For example, when you're at work, you go in that room and close the door so you can give your full attention to your job. Our love is still there, waiting, when you finish one thing and want to come back." He lifted Ben's hand and kissed it softly. "Just like I hope you'll always be there waiting for me."

"I will." Ben leaned forward to touch his forehead to Qui's. "You can count on that." Ben started to lean even further to claim a kiss when a twinge in his belly caused him to wince. "Oww!"

"Sorry, but it's going to be feeling even worse tomorrow," said Qui with a small squeeze of Ben's hand.

"It's alright, that was my own fault for being a smartass when I shouldn't have been." Ben sat back in his chair.

"Let me at least do something for that." Qui glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "We're both working tomorrow so 'tis high time we were getting to bed, but I've got some liniment that should help. You can use the bathroom first while I find it."

Ten minutes later, Ben was lying stretched out naked on the side of the bed closest to the wall. The covers were pulled down below his feet and only the single light on the nightstand was on. Ben's hands were behind his head, his eyes half closed as he waited.

"Right, here we go." Qui stopped near the bed and tossed a towel onto his pillow; in his left hand he held a large brown bottle. He stood for a moment as a lopsided smile lit his face. "Now that's a lovely sight, indeed it is."

"Mmhhmm." Ben trailed the tip of his tongue along his upper lip as he let his gaze travel down his lover's long torso. "My sentiments exactly."

"First things first, my boy," laughed Qui. "And I don't think we want to be doing anything too exuberant until those stomach muscles have had a chance for a proper rest."

Ben pouted a bit as his mate lay down beside him and poured a generous amount of the thick liquid into his hand. He was pleasantly surprised by the minty odor as Qui began rubbing the fluid into the skin of his belly. Ben was content to surrender to Qui's ministrations, and was soon purring under Qui's tender massage of his middle.

"Doing alright?" Qui asked quietly several minutes later.

"Yeah, pisser," mumbled Ben sleepily. "Felt cool and tingly going on, but it's nice and warm now."

"Good." Qui smiled as he felt Ben's hand slipping over to fondle his genitals. "Looks like your stomach is not the only thing that's warm." He continued his broad strokes up and down Ben's belly, letting his hand slip lower as he leaned over to nibble Ben's ear.

"That feels even better." Ben turned his head to meet Qui's lips, welcoming the questing tongue in for a long, slow exploration.

Hands roamed across flesh as the two men shifted to lie face to face. There was no urgency as fingers returned again and again to caress gradually filling organs.

Skin to skin they warmed each other with soft kisses and tender touches. Faces, nipples, sides and flanks all received a share of attention as their pleasure steadily grew.

Ben moaned as their embrace tightened and their hands brought hard cocks together. He gasped when Qui's huge paw circled both erections and held them. Ben took advantage of the situation and used his own hands to grab his lover's hips, trusting to Qui to handle the close work.

"Oh, yeah," Ben groaned as he began pumping his hips. Hot blood coursed through him, roaring in his ears as the pace quickly accelerated.

Back and forth, sweet friction shooting spikes of electricity through their guts, musky smell of sex mingling with the lingering odor of liniment.

Faster… faster still… hips jerking… breath hitching. A final moan, a grunt as bodies stiffened in orgasm, then relaxed in completion.

"Nice," Ben murmured as he felt a towel swiping across his groin and up his middle. He turned on his side, already drowsing. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Qui smiled tenderly as he turned off the light and drew up the covers. He pulled Ben close, softly running a thumb along his mate's cheek in the darkness. "Sleep well, my love."

finis

FIC: Master's Voice 2 - The Honeymoon NC17 Part 2/2

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:44:39 GMT

MV 2 Honeymoon Part 2

Part 1 is at katbear.livejournal.com/31233.html

Wednesday

Ben grunted as something poked his side; he turned over and burrowed deeper into the warm covers.

"Wake up, slugabed, day's a'wasting."

"Go 'way," Ben muttered as he struggled to keep the blankets from being stripped away. Losing that battle, he blinked in the lights and squinted at the alarm clock.

"Jesus Christ, it's four-thirty in the morning," Ben complained. "This is not a civilized time to be up."

"Lots to do today," said Qui with a grin. "Better shift your lazy arse if you want a shower and breakfast before we leave."

Ben grumped some more before dragging himself out of bed and into the bathroom. Feeling a bit better after a shower and shave, he returned to the bedroom to dress in jeans, two layers of shirts and the used hunting boots. A huge yawn distended his jaw as he wandered back to the main part of their basement where Qui was finishing packing two large rucksacks.

"Isn't that a lot of stuff for just one night?" Ben asked as he tossed a small kitbag of toiletries and an extra pair of underwear into a pack.

"Yes, it's a great deal more than I would normally take, but I want you to be comfortable out there," said Qui absently as he stuffed a sleeping bag into its carrier. "We're also taking extra water and regular food for three meals instead of trail rations."

"That sounds nice. Are we going to be able to heat up the food?"

"Don't worry, I've got that covered so we'll have hot food and hot tea." Qui grinned. "Put a book in, too, boyo, in case I get the urge to read to somebody."

Ben laughed. "You're just trying to trick me into thinking I'm going to like it out in the woods."

"Damn, you've seen through my cunning plan." Qui closed up one pack and turned to the other.

"Qui, why are you taking that?" Ben pointed to the equipment belt in Qui's hand. "We're supposed to be on vacation."

"It's just like carrying that phone; I'm on duty 24 hours a day, 365 days a year." Qui holstered his pistol and put the belt into his pack.

"I can understand about the phone, I guess, but I'm not very comfortable about that gun."

"I took an oath of service. I'll not go looking for trouble, but if it's finding me I can't ignore it." Qui stepped close to Ben and took his hands. "I promise it will stay out of sight unless absolutely necessary."

"Alright." Ben nodded reluctantly. "I guess I can deal with that."

"Good. Unless you're needing anything else here, let's take these up and get some breakfast." Qui pressed a swift kiss to Ben's lips, then grabbed a pack and headed for the stairs.

By six they were on the road, a hearty meal under their belts and a large thermos of sweet, hot tea added to a daypack which held their lunch. Ben had insisted on throwing a toolbox under the seat, just to be on the safe side, before they ventured out into the dark and cold of the early November morning.

Ben huddled down into his coat as the old truck seemed in no hurry to produce heat inside the cab. He nodded off as they rolled down the road, rousing briefly as they pulled into the parking lot in front of the Forest Service district headquarters building.

"Hvrmm?" Ben mumbled.

"I'll just be a minute," said Qui. "I need to pick up some keys and a permit for an open fire."

"Okay." Ben settled back into his nap.

The bumping of the truck along a gravel road jolted Ben awake. He yawned and stretched, then looked around in the bright sunlight.

"Good morning," said Qui cheerfully.

"Morning." Ben glanced around again. "You sure have a lot of trees out here, huh?"

Qui laughed. "An excellent observation." He pointed off to the right. "That whole section over there is new growth that's been coming in after a fire about four years ago." He began chatting about the changes in the types of trees and plants since the fire and the impact on the wildlife.

Ben's attention wandered as the multitudes of trees soon merged into an anonymous blur in his mind. He fidgeted a bit in his boredom until the lure of his lover's voice lulled him into contented bliss. Turning and settling himself against the door, Ben watched Qui as they drove along, fascinated by the light of enthusiasm shining from his ranger's face as he described the sights they were passing.

Time seemed to float by as they traveled over various roads, alternating stretches of pavement with gravel roads. Ben had no idea where they were when Qui eventually pulled off onto a barely perceptible dirt track and inched slowly along until the narrow way ended in a clearing just large enough to allow them to turn the truck around. Qui turned off the engine and let the mid-morning silence surround them.

"How are you doing?" Qui twisted around and laid his arm along the top edge of the seat. "Not too bored, I hope?"

"No, I'm doing good, actually." Ben let a slow smile grow. "I've been watching you and listening to your voice. I could do that all day and never get bored."

Qui blinked. "Did you actually *hear* anything I've been saying?"

"Something about trees, wasn't it?" Ben quirked an eyebrow innocently.

"Jaysus, that was my best two-dollar tour of sector nine." Qui shook his head in mock disgust, then grinned and pulled Ben in for a quick kiss. "And for your sins, my boy, you get to carry lunch." Qui opened his door and slid out of the cab.

Ben followed more slowly, watching as Qui grabbed the two large rucksacks and put them in the front.

"Where am I supposed to carry lunch to?" Ben asked as he swung the daypack around to his back and shrugged into the straps. "And how far away is it?" He shivered a bit in the cold air.

"Just a little spot up that way I found several years ago." Qui waved vaguely to his left. "A nice walk will get you warmed up and in the mood to eat." He closed the door to the truck and headed off into the forest.

Ben fell into step behind his lover. After the first few hundred feet he could not discern any sort of recognizable path, so he simply gave himself over to admiring the view of the lean figure striding confidently before him.

For thirty minutes the two men hiked briskly through deep leaf litter, the ground staying fairly level. The trees thinned eventually and the ground turned rougher; for another twenty minutes they quartered across a rocky slope, then followed a small gully up to a grassy, sunlit clearing. Qui stopped to allow his companion to catch up.

"Wow!" Ben stood with hands on hips and let his breathing slow.

Tall trees surrounded the clearing, which straddled both sides of a deep pool that butted up against a steep cliff. At one end a wide silver brook ran between rocky banks. At the other end, the bright winter sun shimmered on a rushing stream of water that dropped twenty feet into a churning froth, the ripples sparkling as they spread. The minor rumble of the fall was balanced by the light chuckling of the exit flow as it danced across the miniature boulders in its path.

An arm around his waist made Ben turn.

"You like my little hide-away?" inquired Qui.

"It's fricking beautiful!" Ben leaned close and sighed. "That was worth the walk."

Qui laughed, "That was barely enough to stretch my legs." He nuzzled a kiss into Ben's neck. "One of these days I'll have to take you on a real hike where we can enjoy ourselves without having to worry about finding lost children and such."

Ben shook his head at the reminder of the grueling hunt during the summer for the little girl who had wandered off looking for her dog. "Yeah, that was not fun at all," Ben said with a grimace. He glanced at his watch, then grinned as he continued, "I know it's only coming eleven, but our little jaunt was still enough to make me want lunch."

"We'd better be getting you fed, then, hadn't we?" Qui smiled as he turned away.

Ben followed as they headed for a spot set back from the edge of the pool. Qui pulled a thick ground cloth from the bag still on Ben's back and spread it between some trees which offered shelter from the cool breeze. A large flat-faced boulder provided a handy backrest. Ben swung his load off and they sat down side by side with the pack between them.

Qui unpacked substantial sandwiches of savory roast chicken on thick slabs of home-made bread, a packet of hard-boiled eggs and wedges of sharp cheddar cheese. He poured two cups of sweet tea from the thermos, still piping hot.

The glade was quiet as the two men ate, few words passing as they enjoyed their food. Once they had finished their main meal, Qui pulled out a huge chocolate chip cookie for each of them before bagging their trash and setting the daypack aside.

"That was good," said Ben as he snuggled up to his ranger. He basked in the warmth of the winter sun that was concentrated by their sheltering trees and the huge rock against which they leaned.

"Food's always better outdoors, especially when you've put in a little work for it," Qui agreed as he finished his cookie.

"This is a nice quiet spot," Ben remarked. He took a sip of tea before continuing. "You said you found it a while back?"

"Aye, twelve years ago. I was hiking on a busman's holiday when I came across this place." He paused to wrap an arm around his lover and pull him close. "It's incredibly beautiful in spring and fall, and a lovely place to spend time or swim in summer. Downstream about a mile there are some great fishing spots." Qui smiled, eyes a distant blue as he reminisced, "Now that is good eating. Fresh fish cooked in your campfire… you can't get much better than that."

"I didn't see any trails leading this way, so I take it this place is not on the standard tourist map?"

"No. I know there have been at least a few others out here because I've come across their signs," Qui replied. He turned his head to face Ben. "But I've never told anyone else about it or brought anyone else here. Nobody at all."

Ben swallowed as he took in the importance of Qui's words and his earnest gaze. "Thank you," he whispered.

"You're very welcome," Qui murmured as he leaned in for a kiss.

They relaxed for another half hour, cuddling and occasionally kissing. Eventually Qui insisted they had more things to see and do, however, and they made their way back to the truck. Their path was carefully retraced on the dirt track until they were safely back out on a gravel road.

"I realized that I initially had far too ambitious a schedule for a one-day outing," said Qui a bit later as he steered the truck onto a new road. "Since we need time to set up camp and fix dinner, we'll only be making one more stop this afternoon, if that's alright with you."

"Whatever you want to do is fine with me," said Ben, "since I have absolutely no idea where we are or where we're going." He grinned.

"Maybe we should add map-reading to the long list of skills in which you are deficient, Mr. Kennan," rejoined Qui with a sly smile.

"Hey, I can a read a normal map just fine, Mr. Finn, when there aren't all these damned trees cluttering up the landscape," Ben shot back.

The amiable mock argument continued as they wended their way through the woods. Qui turned onto a paved road and they rolled along uphill for a half hour before pulling into a large graveled clearing.

"This must be a pretty popular spot," Ben said as they began walking up a broad path marked with signs.

"Yes, very much so. This is one of the oldest sections of the forest with some of the tallest trees as well as a nice view," Qui replied.

A few minutes later they crested the top of a large broad hill.

"I see what you mean about the view," Ben remarked.

An ancient landslide had carved away part of the land below the crest, leaving a drop and a flat area where visitors could look out one way over a wide valley that descended toward the edge of the park and the other direction up toward the mountaintops. A safety rope reminded visitors not to get too close to the edge; majestic trees covered what remained of the hill behind where they stood.

"A lot of people come up here for photos," said Qui. "It's very nice, but not really what I wanted to show you."

They moved deeper into the woods and after a seemingly aimless thirty minute walk they encountered several huge trees.

"The scientists think this is one of the oldest, if not *the* oldest tree in the Keo," said Qui as he laid one hand on a forest behemoth.

Ben walked around the circumference, marveling at the size of the tree and craning his neck trying to see how far up it extended. After a complete circuit he returned to Qui's position.

"This thing is gigantic," said Ben with a shake of his head.

"Aye, there's a tremendous amount of life and energy inside." Qui slowly ran his fingertips down the rough bark.

"I guess there's probably a lot of history passed by here."

"Indeed." Qui smiled as he nodded. "I call him Master Treebeard."

"Was that the Ent in Lord of the Rings?" Ben asked. He stared upward at the shaggy moss visible higher up on the trunk.

"Yes, Treebeard was the oldest of three remaining original Ents who lived in the ancient Fangorn Forest. I've always thought of my Treebeard as the shepherd of this flock of trees, sort of like Manus is for his little group."

"If this particular tree is so special, why isn't there some sort of marker or plaque?"

"Not a good idea," said Qui with a shake of his head. "Unfortunately, a lot of people like to have souvenirs of their visit. Several of the trees back along the edge are missing pieces of bark on their bottom six feet and we have to keep an eye out for more serious damage."

"Damn, I didn't realize you had those kinds of problems," Ben commiserated. "I guess as long as there are people involved, you're going to have the same kinds of problems whether it's out here or in the city."

"Too true. A large part of my job is trying to prevent problems or stopping people who're creating the problems – after something happens it's up to the special agents to investigate. The growing troubles with drug production are what tend to get the headlines, but we get a fair bit of vandalism, theft, drunkenness, an occasional robbery or poaching and illegal logging. Thank the saints that at least we don't normally have very much of the really serious stuff like rapes or murders." Qui knocked on the gigantic trunk.

"That's good." Ben felt suddenly uncomfortable at the reminder of the potential danger in his lover's work. "Did you say we still have another place to stop?"

"Just to where we'll be staying tonight." Qui cast a critical eye up at the sun. "There's only a few hours of daylight left, so we ought to be moving along." He gave a final pat to Master Treebeard and led the way quickly down the hill.

Back in the truck they headed out again, pushing the speed limit on an asphalt road for forty minutes before moving to a gravel byway. After only ten minutes Qui turned off on a side track. They stopped at a pipe gate; the trees were thick here and prevented anyone from driving around.

Qui pulled out a small key ring and handed it to Ben.

"Number 72 will open the lock if you could get that for me."

"Of course." Ben slid out, unlocked the heavy padlock and pulled the gate open. After Qui drove past, he closed and locked the gate and returned to the cab.

"You may as well hang on to the keys," said Qui, "there's one more gate a bit further on."

"Okay." Ben looked around. "Is there something special about this place?"

"This area is restricted access because there have been a lot of artifacts from a couple of different tribes found here. There aren't any that I know of around the particular spot we're going to, but I still had to register our location and check out a set of keys."

"Don't you get any special privileges because you work for the Forest Service?" asked Ben.

"On duty, of course, I have a set of master keys and can go anywhere, and they wouldn't mind even if I was off duty since they know I keep an eye open for problems. If I'm on personal time, though, I prefer to keep things legal," Qui replied. "Same thing with the open fire permit." He shrugged. "It avoids improper perceptions and I feel better about doing it that way."

"I see."

Another ten minutes brought them to a fork in the road; each leg had its own gate. Qui pointed them down the left track, Ben took care of the lock, and another few minutes found them in a gravel parking area marked with a metal sign.

"From here we walk again," said Qui. "Let's get the rucks and head out."

They secured the truck, shouldered their heavy packs and started down a wide trail. After a few minutes the trail split and Qui led them uphill on a rapidly narrowing path. By the time they had trekked steadily for forty-five minutes, almost all uphill, Ben was very glad of all the extra conditioning work he had been doing the past several months.

"Here we are," Qui announced as they emerged from the trees.

Ben sucked in a deep breath, a bit irritated that his lover seemed to have hardly broken a sweat. He took his pack off and looked around.

An open area ringed by trees stretched ten meters and dropped off. To his left Ben saw two large logs lying lengthwise near a circle of stones about a meter across. He walked forward and found he was looking down a steep bluff that descended fifteen meters into Lake Sherall. The lake was long and relatively narrow; to his left and right Ben saw an irregular shoreline with several similar bluffs and small inlets. Across the lake, though, the perimeter was much gentler with many beaches and very shallow rolling hills. The sun was starting to ride low in the west, sending long streamers of light across the dark water with an occasional sparkle off small waves.

"Another nice view, don't you think?"

"You're three for three today." Ben smiled as he turned to receive a quick hug and kiss, his minor fit of pique already forgotten.

"There's barely an hour of light left, if that, so we'd best be getting camp set up," said Qui as they broke the kiss. "We can stop and watch the sunset while dinner is cooking if we get moving."

"You're on," Ben said. He turned away to retrieve his pack.

Qui proved quite efficient at putting together their temporary home. He pointed Ben to a flat spot inside the treeline and had him lay down a ground cloth and air mats before setting out a flannel sheet inside two sleeping bags. Ben then zipped them together inside two covers which snapped together, while Qui took an axe and gathered kindling, branches and small split logs from some nearby downed trees as well as a couple of green branches for later. Once Qui had a fire going in the stone fire pit, he returned to show Ben how to tidy the sleeping area and pitch a low waterproof cover over the whole affair. He finished the shelter by tying the tarp off to surrounding trees and angling the edges away before tightly pegging them down.

"See, you don't want the cover too high because that just lets in too much cold air," Qui said as he tightened the side ropes. "This angle will let moisture roll away from you while giving us enough room to keep the rest of our gear under cover. I'll leave this flap up until after we go to bed."

"So how much of this would you normally take with you?" asked Ben as he surveyed the cozy setup.

"Not much, but it depends on what time of year and what kind of patrol I'm on," Qui replied. "For foot or horse patrols I'll take a long waterproof poncho and an insulated liner, or if it's winter I might add a down sleeping bag. To keep weight down I'll use protein bars, freeze-dried food or nature's offerings; for water I'll have a belt canteen and a sterilizer for whatever water I can find. Belt knife, small axe, flashlight, soap, a steel for lighting fires, extra socks and such, a few other odds and ends, and tea bags, of course."

"Jesus, remind me not to volunteer for any trips with you." Ben shook his head. "That's way too much roughing it for me."

Qui laughed. "I like traveling light and staying close to nature. The trick for sleeping warm and comfortable is holing up in the right place, not hauling a hundred pounds of luxuries on your back."

"Yeah, right, you can keep it. I like my creature comforts. That was one of the worst parts of those months I spent out drifting around when I couldn't afford to rent a room very often, not having the storage space on Myrna to carry nearly everything I would have liked to have had." Ben looked up hopefully. "Speaking of comforts, you did say we've got real food tonight?"

"We do indeed, courtesy of the lovely Mrs. Brandon. Come on, we'll stoke the fire and then get things to cooking."

Qui placed a few more large branches and small split logs on the fire before pulling out some insulated containers and a roll of heavy foil from a pack. One held two large plastic bags; in the first was a mix of cubed steak, potatoes, onions, carrots, peas and garlic, while the other had cream of mushroom soup in it. He mixed contents from both, creating generous servings in two double-foil wrappers, and put them into the coals of the fire.

"There now, that will take about forty minutes to cook, so we'll wait a bit to start on the rest," said Qui as he stood up. "Do you want tea or water with dinner?"

"Water's fine," Ben replied.

"Good. I've got fixings for cocoa later and we can have tea in the morning." Qui took Ben's hand and led him toward the edge of the bluff. "We've got a bit of time to relax and catch the sunset."

Ben turned up his collar against the breeze and leaned back into the warmth of his lover, wrapped in the long arms which held him close. They stood quietly for several minutes as the distant orb slipped lower and lower in the sky. Red and orange streamers of reflected light painted the western sky, trailing off overhead into the darkening clear blue. A final race to extinction sent the fiery circle over the edge of the distant horizon.

A long sigh sounded above Ben's head. He gently caressed the hands clasped over his stomach.

"Sunrises and sunsets…" murmured Qui, "always such special times of the day."

"Any time I'm with you is a special time," Ben replied. He raised one of his mate's hands and kissed the palm.

"Aye, that too," whispered Qui into Ben's left ear. He nuzzled the side of Ben's neck before breaking their embrace. "We've still got the rest of dinner to fix, so we'd best get to it."

The faint light of dusk was quickly disappearing as they walked back to their fire. Qui took a moment to turn the foil wrappers with a pair of tongs, then switched on a portable battery lantern.

"We'll make bannock to go with the stew, then afterwards we can have dessert," said Qui as he pulled two plastic zip bags from another insulated container.

"What's bannock?"

"It's a soft bread. Jane pre-mixed the dry ingredients in one bag and the water and oil in another, so all we have to do is mix in the wet and knead the bag to get a soft dough," said Qui, suiting actions to words. "Then you wrap a handful around a stick and cook the whole thing over the coals; it's sort of like roasting marshmallows but will take about ten minutes."

While Qui kneaded, Ben laid out a ground cloth between the fire and the large logs so they would have a backrest. He put spoons, knives, wet wipes, packets of honey and bottles of water together in a plastic trash bag and laid it on the cloth.

The two men sat companionably near the fire, toasting their bannock, occasionally rotating the green branches holding the chunks of dough. Once the bread and stew were ready, they retreated to the logs to eat.

"This is great stuff!" Ben's tongue caught a stray drop of honey at the corner of his mouth that had escaped the warm bannock.

"Aye, fresh hot food goes down good on a cold night," Qui agreed as he dipped his spoon into the thick stew.

Enthusiastic munching kept them occupied for the next ten minutes; they slowed down a bit for dessert, savoring the rich tapioca pudding they ate directly from plastic zip bags.

Sighs of contentment drifted in the air.

"Thanks, that was really good," said Ben as he leaned back, pleasantly full.

"We'll need to be thanking Jane for most of it," Qui said with a grin, "and a healthy appetite from all the walking today doesn't hurt." He gathered their trash into a bag and set the utensils aside for cleaning.

Ben sat quietly for a moment before sliding closer to his mate. "Qui, I realize that you went to a lot of trouble to make this a good trip for me. I just want you to know I appreciate it and I have enjoyed myself."

"It was worth a bit of fuss, and I'm very glad you're here." Qui wrapped an arm around Ben and pulled him close. "Besides, the best is yet to come." He pulled a paperback from a pocket of his jacket.

"Are you really going to read for me?" asked Ben with a delighted laugh.

"Aye, if you wish."

"That would be incredibly wizard!" Ben turned and hugged his lover.

"Settle yourself, then, and let's be getting started."

Ben happily snuggled under Qui's wing, a grin of anticipation lighting his face.

"Right, got some Irish short stories for you tonight." Qui opened the dog-eared book, cleared his throat, and began.

The lilting tones started with The Reaping Race by Liam O'Flaherty. Each of the three reapers in the contest had their own voice; the huge Johnny Bodkin furiously making his way down the field, the slim, agile Pat Considine pushing hard after Bodkin, and the methodical Michael Gill in steady pursuit of both. The battle raged through a long hot day to its inevitable conclusion, quiet satisfaction in Gill's eventual triumph.

Qui paused for a drink of water, then moved on to The First Confession by Frank O'Connor.

Ben thrilled in the warm voice as he vicariously lived through the troubles of seven-year-old Jackie, his mortification when his porter-drinking and snuff-taking gran moved in and his ongoing battles with his older sister Nora. He commiserated with Jackie's anxiety as his first confession loomed ever closer, his trials in the confessional and his relief when the priest proved to be a very understanding and entertaining fellow. His grin turned to a laugh at Nora's reaction after Jackie emerged from the church.

                "And he only gave you three Hail Marys?"

            "That's all."

                She slowly got down from the railing with a baffled air. Clearly, this was beyond her. As we mounted the steps back to the main road, she looked at me suspiciously.

                "What are you sucking?" she asked.

                "Bullseyes."

                "Was it the priest gave them to you?

                " 'Twas."

                 "Lord God," she wailed bitterly, "some people have all the luck! 'Tis no advantage to anybody trying to be good. I might just as well be a sinner like you."

"That was fricking pisser," Ben sighed as the book was stowed back in its hiding place.

"Glad you approve." Qui turned his face down and delivered a light kiss. "Would you be wanting some cocoa?"

"I would be very happy to be spoiled some more," replied Ben.

"Enjoy it while you can, boyo." Qui smiled and quirked one eyebrow as he got up. He went to the rucksack, pulling out a small grill, an old pot and yet another plastic zip bag. The grill had legs which folded down, enabling it to be set over the coals. Qui poured milk into the pot from a thermos; while they waited for it to warm they tidied up the remains of their dinner and added a few more branches to the fire. Once the milk was hot Qui added cocoa and sugar, mixing them well, then poured the final product into two large mugs.

"Here you go." Qui sat down with his own chocolate and turned off the lantern.

Stars twinkled overhead in the clear air, although they were slowly being obscured by clouds creeping across the sky; the fire danced and crackled in the darkness. The lovers cuddled and sipped their drinks as the minutes passed.

Mugs were set aside as lips began roaming, soft kisses and nips warming cold lips and ears.

"We've had our stars," Qui whispered, "and our nest is waiting in the trees."

A shiver ran through Ben and it wasn't all from the steadily dropping temperature.

"That sounds like a great idea," Ben whispered back.

"Good." Qui gave one last lick to Ben's ear, then stood up. "Let's clean up and go to bed."

It was the work of only a few minutes to wash the pot, mugs and their few utensils and bank the fire. Trash and food went into one of the rucksacks which was secured in a tree, while the other went into their shelter. After a short relief stop, they unlaced their boots to stash them by the pack inside their shelter, then quickly stripped off jeans and outer shirts and rolled them around their jackets to serve as pillows.

Ben slid down into the soft flannel inside the linked sleeping bags, his teeth chattering. He blinked as the lantern went out; he felt his lover join him and a moment later the darkness was complete as the outer flap was pulled down and snapped closed. He checked to make sure he had remembered to put his flashlight next to his makeshift pillow.

"Jaysus, 'tis a bit nippy tonight," said Qui as he settled in and reached to hold Ben.

"That is not the word I would have used," groused Ben. A moment later he yelped and jerked back from the icy object thrust inside his t-shirt. "Shit, that was cold. What the hell is that?"

"Lube." Qui chuckled. "Nothing is going in anywhere without that tube getting warm."

"Oh." A pause. "You could have warned me, dammit."

"Sorry, I'm afraid I gave in to a rather juvenile temptation."

There was a rustling in the blackness and Ben found himself wrapped in a pair of cool arms and pulled close.

"Let me make it up to you," whispered Qui.

Ben's reply was smothered by the lips that descended upon his, and his irritation melted in the heat of his lover's passion. Long, deep kisses alternating with soft words and a wet tongue dipping into his ear fired his blood while the body pressing close and hands roaming across his chest and sides quickly warmed him outside. For many minutes Ben was content to let Qui have his way, relishing the slow, attentive touches and gradual disrobing, the nuzzling mouth that worked its way down his neck and laved his nipples, the strong fingers that massaged his back and flanks as his cock grew increasingly interested in the proceedings.

There was an awkward moment as they attempted to remove their final garments in the close quarters of the double sleeping bag, elbows and knees banging as snug boxer-briefs were pulled down over heavy organs and off.

"Ow," Ben complained as he rubbed his funny bone.

"I guess long arms and legs aren't always an advantage," Qui said ruefully. He barked a small laugh. "I can think of one thing they're good for, though."

"What's tha- " Ben's words trailed off in a moan as he was engulfed by those long arms and legs, the full body contact sending sparks shooting through him. Qui held him tight, pushing him down hard, trying to climb inside his skin, tongue thrusting into Ben's mouth and sucking his breath into hungry lungs.

Blood racing through his veins pounded in Ben's ears and filled his cock that rubbed so enticingly against Qui's as they moved, sweat easing the friction between them. Hot and hard, he began giving as good as he was getting, challenging his lover and pressing back. They squirmed and wrestled as Qui gradually yielded to his lover's need.

"God, want you so much," Ben panted as he lay atop the long body, their combined breathing loud in the darkness. He felt the heart thumping beneath him as they rested chest to chest and belly to belly.

"Need you," said Qui hoarsely, "want you in me." He twitched his hips, his hands grabbing Ben's arse and grinding their crotches together.

"Oh, yeah," Ben moaned as his cock urgently demanded action, threatening to explode if its demands were not met. He carefully eased himself off and away to let the pressure subside to a manageable level. "Not much room in here, so we'd better do this on your side, love."

"Right." Rustling and stirring in the dark. "Here, you'll be wanting this."

Ben's fingers closed around a plastic tube; he held it in one hand as he shifted forward to spoon behind Qui. The renewed contact sent tingles throughout him and a quiver passed from his head to his feet. He took a sharp breath before pressing close and laying an arm over his mate, slowly rubbing his flat belly.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Ben whispered.

"Jaysus, yes, I wouldn't have asked for this if I didn't want it." Qui grabbed Ben's hand and moved it down, curling Ben's fingers around the base of his hard shaft. "This is how much I want you… need you."

A gasp erupted from Ben as Qui pushed his hips back while using one hand to reach and grip Ben's hip, pulling him close. He instinctively pushed forward, letting his cock slide along Qui's sweat-slick crack and nudge his opening. Ben almost forgot himself, at the last moment pulling back instead of plunging in. He shifted away with a small groan.

"Where's that damned lube?" Ben groped around under his side, finally finding the tube he had dropped in his excitement and flipping open the cap. He squeezed a dollop onto his fingers and gently worked one finger around the edge and nudging cautiously inward, wary of causing pain with the intimate intrusion.

"Feels nice… take it deeper," Qui begged.

The amorous encouragement soothed Ben's fear. He added more lube and used two fingers to massage and spread the muscular ring that seemed to welcome him in.

"I'm ready… want you," Qui moaned. He twitched his hips.

The desire in Qui's voice spurred Ben on. He quickly spread gel along his length, then positioned the head of his cock against Qui's opening once more.

"Going in," Ben murmured huskily. He suited actions to words, carefully pushing inward, pausing after the first few inches. "You alright?"

"Good… want more." Qui's upper hand again tried to pull Ben closer.

Slowly but steadily, Ben shoved his cock forward, the hot tight heat feeding the fire churning in his gut. With a final grunt he was fully sheathed, flesh against flesh.

"Oh, God… so fucking good," Qui moaned. "Didn't know it could be this great with the real thing."

"It's never felt like this with anyone else," Ben responded, awe and passion deepening his voice. "This is making love the way it should be!"

After a long moment to savor the sweet feeling, Ben gradually pulled back until only the head of his cock was still encased. He set a leisurely pace as he began moving back and forth, determined to extend the experience. Twisting his hips, he sought to bring gratification to his partner, changing his angle of penetration until he heard a heartfelt moan which told him he had found the right spot.

"More," gasped Qui, head thrown back.

Ben obliged, working more swiftly, gripping lean hips as he concentrated on hitting his lover's prostate, kissing and nipping the long neck. He fed off his mate's passion, heart pounding. He nuzzled the broad shoulders in front of him, smooth strokes of his tongue licking in the salty sweat.

They danced in sensuous rhythm, Qui pushing back to meet Ben's strokes, faster and faster as their aching need grew ever greater. Ben was amazed at the exquisite sensations pouring through him, but had little time for wonder as the pressure in his balls rapidly escalated.

Their moans echoed out to the trees as their breathless ardor blazed. Ben reached his upper arm over Qui's side to grab his cock, fisting the engorged rod, vaguely aware of an odd sensation under his fingers instead of silky skin.

Short, rapid thrusts now, hips jerking, groans of ravenous need… last frenzied rush… then the flash of brilliant white light exploding into rapture.

It was a very long minute before they stirred.

"Sweet holy saints," Qui whispered, "that was fantastic."

"Mmhhmmm," agreed Ben.

They lay together for a few more blissful moments. Ben slipped onto his back as Qui gave them a quick wipe with a small towel, then cuddled happily as they both moved back to their sides.

Long sighs of satiation filled the velvet blackness as the lovers drifted off to sleep, spooned together as one.

Thursday Morning

"Mmmm… warm," Ben murmured. He snuggled closer to the source of that delicious warmth, his face barely poked out into the chill that hovered above the edge of the sleeping bag.

Ben opened his eyes as arms wrapped around his waist and a weight rolled on top of him, a vague shape scarcely visible in the faint gray light.

"Morning," said Qui as he rested his forehead against Ben's. "Your nose is cold."

"No shit." Ben twitched his hips. "There are other parts that aren't."

A rumbling laugh reverberated against Ben's chest. "Ah, the insatiability of youth."

A stray thought intruded in Ben's mind. "Hey, what was that wrapped around your cock last night?"

"A happy sock."

"A what?"

"It's a very soft sock you put on to keep from getting your sleeping bag dirty." Qui dropped a brief kiss on Ben's lips. "It can get lonely out on patrol."

"You're not alone now," said Ben, putting a leer in his voice as he reached between them to rub their organs together.

"An astute observation." Qui swooped down to plunder Ben's mouth, his tongue delving deep in the wet cavern.

Ben squirmed, his hips bucking as their hands worked each other's hot cocks, moaning as his lover sucked his breath away.

"Fuck… oh yeah," Ben groaned.

Several rapid pumps, fists squeezing fast and hard, then shouts of release as both men orgasmed in near unison.

Panting, they lay on their sides, embracing, softly kissing and cuddling for a timeless span.

"Guess we'll have to clean the sleeping bags this time," Ben said with a small laugh.

"It's worth it. Love you," Qui murmured.

"Love you, too," Ben whispered in his mate's ear.

"However, wonderful as it is to lie here, I'm going to have to get up pretty soon to take a piss."

"I suppose that would be a good idea," Ben replied lazily.

They kissed some more, nuzzling and caressing.

Qui finally leaned on one elbow, "I really do need to get up. Besides, we should have breakfast and pack."

"It's cold out there," Ben grumbled.

"Then the sooner we start the sooner we can get warm again." Qui tweaked Ben's nose, then reached up to open the flap of their temporary home.

Ben squinted in the sudden light, then opened his eyes wide at Qui's shout of delight. He sat up and stared out, clutching his half of the sleeping bag about him.

Fluffy bits of cloud slowly drifted down to join the thin white sheet on the ground. Descending ever so gradually, each huge snowflake floated on the slight breeze, occasionally swirling in a little dance before joining its cousins.

"Look, 'tis snowing!" said Qui as he grinned and poked Ben.

"I can see that." Ben peered out and wrinkled his nose, pulling the sleeping bag even tighter.

Qui laughed at Ben's glum expression and quickly pulled his clothes together and dressed, then grinned again before he headed out.

Snow continued to float down while Ben sat for a few more minutes. "Damn," he muttered, his body letting him know that his own call of nature wasn't going to wait much longer. Grudgingly he gathered his clothes and dressed. He shivered as he ventured out into the trees to relieve himself.

When Ben wandered back, he was glad to see the fire that crackled happily in the stone pit.

"What can I do to help?" asked Ben. He warmed his hands near the flames.

"Breakfast should be ready in about twenty minutes, so if you could get the sleeping bags and such packed away that would be good. If you like, you can leave the cover up until after we eat."

"Okay, I'll get on that."

After retrieving their other pack from its tree, Ben worked on shaking out and stuffing things. He and Qui sat under the overhead cover and enjoyed a breakfast of oatmeal, scrambled eggs with ham and hot tea while they watched the snow continuing to lazily fall. Afterward, they made quick work of their final cleanup and packing; within an hour they had hiked down the hill and were back in the old truck and heading home.

Thursday Evening

Their last free afternoon seemed to pass all too quickly. After lunch they cleaned their gear and themselves. Qui retrieved his cross-country skis from the barn and started working on getting them ready for use while Ben caught up on email and called his sister. They took care of chores like laundry, then had a pleasant dinner with Jane and Rafa, taking particular care to express their appreciation for all the food that Jane had prepared for their little trip.

That evening found them in their basement, cuddled on the sofa while a fire cast its warm light. For an hour Qui practiced the latest story he had promised to UPA while Ben drowsed against his side, lulled by the magic voice. Eventually Qui set the book aside and gathered Ben close, an arm wrapped around him.

"These last few days have been wonderful." Ben sighed heavily. "I wish I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow."

"Sugar is sweet and fun to eat, but a steady diet of it will rot your teeth," Qui intoned pedantically.

Ben sat up, poised with an indignant remark until he saw the grin on his lover's face; with a grimace he snorted and settled back into Qui's embrace.

"You know, with both of us starting back to work, we should talk about how we want to be going about living together," said Qui contemplatively as he absently caressed Ben's arm.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, for example, there are basic things like what happens when one of us has to get up earlier or comes in late, splitting chores like cleaning the bathroom, and working out."

"Oh, right." Ben sat up a bit straighter. "Until we see how our schedules and activities really fit, let's just share things and help each other, like cleaning up after ourselves, and not expecting the other to get up for early or late coming or going… I would like to work out together if we have the same time off."

"Would you be wanting to continue learning Tai Chi? Not just as something to do together, but learning as sifu and sidai?"

"Yes, definitely."

"You do understand that those are still formal sessions," Qui assumed a stern expression, "and that I'm not going to cut you any slack or allow any bullshit just because we're sleeping in the same bed."

"Sir, yes, sir." Ben snapped off a jaunty salute with one hand, a cocky grin on his lips.

"Smartass," Qui muttered as he shook his head. "I can see I'll have to be making you work a lot harder."

Ben just grinned wider.

"We've talked a bit about how we've both got other interests and obligations," said Qui as he twisted sideways to face his mate. "Is it going to be bothering you if I'm sometimes not home much?"

Ben looked into Qui's eyes, all levity gone from his bearing, then said quietly, "I'm not going to pretend that I'll like it, but I hope I can respect the other things you want to do with your life, and that we can find more things we can do together." He quirked a half-smile. "I also hope that you will smack me if I'm being a jerk about anything in our relationship."

Qui smiled, nodded. His expression turned serious again, however, as he shifted back and let his head rest against the top edge of the couch, watching the fire through half-lidded eyes.

"And what about your journal?" Qui asked softly. "Are you going to keep working on that?"

The room was silent save for the hiss of the fire and the thump of a falling log.

A hard swallow, a sigh, then finally a solemn reply. "I need to do that." Ben sat up, his back straight and chin up. "I've still got a very long way to go to come to terms with my feelings about my father."

Qui tilted forward and pulled Ben around into a hug. "You don't have to do it alone," he murmured into Ben's ear.

"Thanks," Ben whispered into Qui's chest as he held tight to his lover.

They continued the embrace for a long moment.

"Right, then, time for bed, I'm thinking," said Qui gently. He let go and leaned back. "I'll get the fire if you want to use the bathroom first."

After completing his ablutions, Ben lay in bed, hands behind his head and a sheet pulled to just above his hips. A slow smile spread across his face as a tall, lean figure paused in the doorway.

"Hey, come on over here." Ben patted the spot beside him.

"Just enjoying the view." Qui shook his head a bit, quirked an eyebrow. "It still seems strange that we're together. Strange but wonderful."

"Let me remind you how wonderful it is." Ben let his tongue slowly circle his lips.

Ben watched avidly as his lover sauntered across the room, blue eyes darkening with lust and heavy organ swinging slightly. His nostrils flared as Qui paused by the edge of the bed and deliberately reached down to strip the revealing fabric from Ben's body.

The mattress dipped as Qui moved on all fours next to his mate. Ben waited silently, lips parted, anticipating a kiss. He gasped when instead Qui moved over his body, still on all fours, knees just outside Ben's hips, and let the tip of his phallus graze the length of Ben's. His hips bucked, seeking more contact, but Qui shifted forward to rest his cock on Ben's belly as he dipped his head to kiss Ben's forehead.

For several minutes Qui waltzed carefully, lightly feathering kisses across Ben's face, neck, chest, belly and back again. He stayed just out of reach of Ben's wandering hands, allowing the occasional tantalizing touch, kissing and nipping as they moved about on the bed.

Ben's frustration grew in direct proportion to the increasing ache in his hard cock. He kept reaching and finding mostly air in his grasp, the delicate assault sending his pulse racing and lungs pumping.

"Hold still, damn you," Ben grunted as Qui slid almost to the edge of the mattress.

A sudden swoop drew a whoof from Ben as Qui pinned him down and kissed him deeply. Ben yelped as Qui nipped his ear sharply, then sat on his belly, holding Ben's upper arms in place.

"Let's change the pace of this dance, boy." Qui wiggled his rear and leered down with a fiendish grin. "If you really want me, take me hard and deep!"

"I'll fuck your miserable ass into next week," growled Ben as he surged up and threw Qui off.

They wrestled briefly, rolling around, grappling and sliding against each other, until Ben finally pushed his mate down flat with a triumphant yell.

"Got you," Ben panted. He covered Qui's laugh with a savage kiss, plunging deep as he lay full length atop the long body, grinding his hips as their sweaty flesh grew hot with friction. Finally, Ben pulled his head up to suck in a deep breath.

"So what are you going to do about it now you've captured me, boyo?" Qui still had a grin as he twitched his hips.

"I'm going to have my wicked way with you," Ben said firmly. He sat up and knelt beside Qui. "Now turn over."

Ben grabbed a bottle of lube while Qui rolled over. He noticed Qui slyly edging away, so he gave him a rough smack on the rear.

"Stay put!"

Qui gave a little laugh and meekly settled himself on his stomach. "Yes, Mr. Kennan, sir."

"Hmmmph." Ben snorted, pleased with himself, and decided it was time to make the damned bastard be the one waiting. He ran his fingers up and down the long back, lingering at the point just above the hips. He cupped each buttock, hands sensuously fondling the smooth curves, moving across flanks and thighs, then returning to the warm flesh, letting one finger trail just inside the crack.

A half-smile flitted across Ben's lips at the impatient quiver that erupted as he tickled the inner edge of the tight opening.

"You want something?" Ben whispered into Qui's ear as he repeated the intimate motion.

"Want something a lot bigger than a finger in my arse," Qui grumbled.

"Impatient, are we?" Ben murmured sweetly as he nudged a little deeper.

"Jaysus, would you get on with it?" Qui wiggled.

Ben's own body was demanding the same thing, so he slathered a large dollop of lube on his fingers and began working it in, drawing an appreciative sigh from his victim.

"On your back." Ben gave a slight push with one hand as he applied a generous layer of gel to his cock with the other. "I want to see you this time."

Qui's eager compliance drew a smile from Ben as he moved between the spread thighs. He rested the long legs over his shoulders and leaned forward, positioning his organ.

"Going in," said Ben, "just relax for me."

"Want you…" A smoldering look and wanton wriggle expressed Qui's readiness.

Ben pushed in, careful of the initial breaching, pausing after the first few inches. He waited as his lover took a few deep breaths, then nodded to encourage further progress. Ben went slowly, enjoying the penetration as his cock was slowly buried in the slick heat, until flesh snugged against flesh.

"Damn, that is so fucking good." Ben rested, leaning forward, eyes closed.

"Ahhh… you've got that right." Qui tilted his head back, exposing his neck, breathing in through his nose.

A long blissful moment stretched out, until fingers tickling his ribs reminded Ben that he had promised his teasing mate a good pounding. He looked down into laughing blue eyes, then with a snorted breath, suddenly pulled out almost completely. Pausing only a single beat, he immediately began thrusting in and out, almost but not quite fully penetrating.

"Sweet Mary!" Qui groaned and rocked his hips, trying to increase the contact. "Deeper, dammit!"

"You want it harder?" Ben asked, stopping once again with just the tip of his erection inside. He shook his head to flip sweat off, breathing heavily.

"Yes, you bloody bastard, move your sorry arse!"

Ben adjusted his grip on Qui's hips, then set to work with a grunt as he plunged in. The fire racing through his veins and the fierce passion on the face below him pushed him to wild abandon.

"Aaaghg… yes! Do it!"

Qui's moans electrified Ben, adding to the lightning shooting from head to toe. Blood pounded in his ears and the sweet sweat musk of their lust filled his nose. His eyes were riveted on the groaning, thrashing body impaled on his cock as he raked Qui's prostate with every pass.

Faster and faster, flesh slapping flesh.

Moans and mindless pleas for more, ever more.

Ben's hips pistoned in rapid jerks as he felt his balls tightening… with a final shout he slammed home and soared into ecstasy.

It was several moments before Ben slowly came back to reality. He found himself lying on his side facing his lover, their legs tangled and both breathing hard. Impulsively he moved forward to steal a kiss before sliding back to nestle against his hot sweaty ranger.

"Whooaaahh," Qui gasped as he sucked in a few deep breaths. He winced as he twisted his hips to get more comfortable.

"Hey, are you alright?" Ben asked anxiously as he remembered how hard he had fucked his mate. "Did I hurt you?"

"No, no, I'm fine," Qui said soothingly. "Probably be sore in the morning, but I asked for it hard, and I'm happy you were willing to be so accommodating." He pulled Ben close. "I'm not the one as has to go to work, so it's not a problem."

"I didn't really mean to get that carried away, though," said Ben still concerned. "I guess I was kind of pissed off."

"I owe you an apology, love," said Qui, "I shouldn't have teased you so much. I was in a bit of a fey mood tonight and needed setting to rights."

"I was a little surprised," Ben admitted. "Seems like there's still a lot I have to learn about you."

"There's a lot both of us will be needing to learn about each other, about ourselves and about this new thing called 'us'," Qui murmured. "What we have together 'tis a wondrous thing, but pretty scary in some ways, too."

"I know what you mean." Ben turned his head and softly kissed Qui's shoulder. "But I look forward to the education."

"Aye, so do I," said Qui, "now, though, it's time for my boy to be getting some sleep. Love you." Qui reached over and turned off the bedside lamp.

"Love you," Ben whispered back in the darkness as he snuggled close to Qui and drifted off to pleasant dreams of their future life.

finis

FIC: Master's Voice 2 - The Honeymoon NC17 Part 1/2

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 17:37:51 GMT

As promised, here is the first sequel for Master's Voice, The Honeymoon. It's posted in two parts as LJ insists that it's too big to be in one post.

The original Master's Voice story starts at: katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html
It is also archived on masterapprentice.org

Title: The Honeymoon
Author: KatBear (katbear@cox.net)
Archive: MA only
Category: AR
Rating: NC17 for explicit sexual activity
Pairing: Q/O (Quilan Finn/Ben Kennan)
Feedback: Appreciated.
Thanks: To the beta readers who made this a better story (Bonny Magret, Merry Amelie). All mistakes are my own.

Summary: First days together after the long-awaited consummation.

Warnings: If male-male sex bothers you, you shouldn’t be here.
Spoilers: None, alternate reality set in 21st century Earth in fictional part of the western U.S.
Notes: 1. The primary setting is not based on any actual specific real location or persons but is a composite of possible geography, town features, transplanted state university, etc. 2. The federal agencies mentioned are real but liberties have been taken with some policies, practices and job duties. 3. This is the second story in the Master's Voice series.

Disclaimer: The boys belong to George Lucas, I'm just playing with them.

************* *****************

Tuesday

Sunlight tickled the air in the basement bedroom.

Ben stretched, arms above his head and back arched. He lay quietly for a moment with his eyes closed, savoring the warm bliss from a wonderful dream, for surely reality could not have been so incredibly fantastic. The mattress shifted and warm lips descended on his.

"Mmmmmm."

When the delicious pressure lifted, Ben opened his eyes. A lean face topped by tousled brown hair was only a few inches away.

"Good morning," Qui said. He ran a thumb slowly across Ben's cheek.

"Hey." A huge smile lit up Ben's face. "How are you?"

"I am very well indeed," Qui said with a sated smirk filling his lips. "Last night was a thoroughly enlightening and enjoyable experience."

"It was a wicked pisser night," Ben agreed. He rolled up onto his side, a twinge in his rear reminding him how thorough his new lover had been. "No regrets?"

"Definitely not." A tongue briefly peeked from the corner of Qui's mouth. "It felt good to be waking up next to you." His expression turned serious. "I hope to be able to repeat that for a long time to come." He touched a finger to one of the several passion marks on Ben's neck and chest. "Are you alright?"

"A little sore, but it was worth it. Don't worry, you're going to be seeing me for a lot of mornings if I have anything to do with it." Ben grabbed Qui's head and pulled him close for a kiss.

Qui pushed the covers down, then let his hands, fingers and lips roam freely over exposed skin, as Ben moaned, "Oh, yeah… feels so good."

Ben captured Qui's lips in another kiss, hard and deep.

Qui thrust his hips forward, drawing a sharp gasp from his new lover as their morning erections met. He reached down and wrapped his hand around both cocks, holding them together.

There was a flurry of writhing flesh and groans as the two men ground against each other, the pace rapidly escalating to a climactic finish. A final moan and frenzied thrust, then silence except for the sounds of heavy breathing.

Ben slid away from Qui's body and lay on his back, eyes closed as he sighed in satisfaction.

"I'm thinking 'tis occasionally better to be getting right to the point instead of having all that foreplay," came an amused murmur somewhere to Ben's left.

A gurgling laugh escaped as Ben tried to sit up. A sloppy kiss and a forearm across his chest pushed him back down.

"Dibs on the bathroom!" Qui rolled out of bed with a grin and headed for the door, a thrown pillow bouncing harmlessly off his shoulders.

"Cheating bastard!" Ben called after Qui, then relaxed with a smile to enjoy the afterglow while he waited.

When Ben came back to the bedroom after using the facilities, shaving and taking a quick rinse in the shower, Qui was sitting on the edge of the bed in thigh-length grey boxer-briefs fiddling with an electronic device, his clothes laid out on the bed next to him.

"I really like having that new door to the upstairs. It's nice not having to worry about putting anything on just to walk to the bathroom." Ben cocked his head. "What's that you're doing?"

"Setting up the charger for my cell phone." He looked up for a moment, a sly half-smile on his face. "Can't think why I would have forgotten to do that last night."

Ben moved to stand next to Qui, rubbing knees suggestively.

Qui frowned as he placed the phone in its charger, looking down at the litter of lamp, boom box, tapes, books, alarm clock, an open bottle of lube and used towels on the nightstand. "We should rearrange things a bit, and we'll need to get a bigger power strip unless you're going to put your phone somewhere else."

"Does that thing have to be right next to the bed?"

"My phone does; I'm on call most of the time. I don't know what you want to do with yours."

"Oh." Ben stared at the innocuous black device, his mouth a carefully neutral thin line. "Do you get many calls at night?"

"It varies quite a bit depending on what is going on. Sometimes I don't get any for three or four weeks at a time, especially in the winter when things tend to be quieter."

"And you answer it no matter what else you happen to be doing?"

Qui went very still for a moment, then rose to face his stiff-backed lover. "Ben, is this an issue we need to discuss?" He raised two fingers to smooth the furrow in Ben's forehead. "Unless I know there's a truly critical problem out there, I'm not going to be stopping in the middle of making love to answer the bloody phone, if that's what you're worried about." He leaned down to brush Ben's lips before continuing softly. "But there will be times when my work has to come first. You know we both have other obligations in our lives."

"Yes, I remember." Ben sighed as he relaxed and leaned in for a hug. "It's one thing to 'know', but something altogether else to actually have to start dealing with the reality."

"Don't worry, Ben, it will take a while for both of us to get used to this new situation, and to each other." Qui pulled Ben closer and rubbed his back. "Every relationship has some bumps and bruises; we'll just have to work through them together."

"We will." Ben squeezed a bit harder for a moment, then turned his face up. "Love you."

"Love you, too." Qui indulged in a long, lingering kiss before tucking Ben's head under his chin.

The two men silently embraced, enjoying the moment.

Ben finally stirred. "Would you like to…?" He twitched his hips forward.

"What I'm wanting right now is to have breakfast," said Qui firmly. "I'll need the energy if I'm going to keep up with you."

A moue of disappointment twisted Ben's face as Qui stepped away. He watched as Qui pulled on jeans and a t-shirt.

"Are you planning on going up like that, boyo?" A twinkle lit Qui's eyes as he sat on the bed, a hiking boot in one hand.

"I suppose not." Ben quickly dressed, throwing on black denims and a sweatshirt. He tied his sneakers while Qui waited, then together they went upstairs.

"Hello?" Ben looked around the empty kitchen, but there was no answer. He checked the message board. "Looks like nobody else is home, but Jane left cinnamon bread and a breakfast casserole for us to warm up. It says 350 degrees for thirty minutes for the casserole." He opened the refrigerator and pulled out the covered dishes.

"That was thoughtful of her," Qui said as he put on a kettle of water for tea. "I'll turn on the oven and you can pop it in."

Ben put the plate of bread on the table, then carried the glass container over to the upper oven and placed it inside. He set the timer, adding a few minutes to make up for not letting it preheat, and turned around.

"Uh, Qui, I don't mind swapping spit with you, but I don't think Jane and Rafa want to."

"What?" Qui paused, an open quart of milk halfway to his mouth.

"Drinking from the carton?" Ben pointed. "Jane chewed me out the first time she caught me sneaking a drink out in the garage."

Qui looked at the container. "You're right, of course. I didn't have guests at the house all that often, so I guess I've just gotten a little lazy." He closed the carton and put it back in the refrigerator. "I suppose she'll be wanting dishes washed right away, too?"

"Afraid so." Ben grinned as he stood up. "Tell you what, while the casserole is heating, let's see if we can't get you up to speed on where everything is here in the house, since we didn't get much of a chance to do things like that when you moved in yesterday."

The two men checked out the garage, laundry, living room, family room and dining room, finishing by going through the cupboards and cabinets of the kitchen.

"You've seen the refrigerator whiteboard for messages; above the desk over there are niches for whoever collects the mail," said Ben. "And this is a new calendar we put up a few weeks ago to replace a smaller one Jane used to have. It's big enough for all four of us to put in schedules and special events. Rafa suggested it so it would be easier to figure out who's likely to be here for which meals."

"From what I have seen of her so far, I've gotten the impression that she is quite a bright young woman," said Qui as he penciled in notes for his November work hours.

"Quiet, but smart," Ben agreed as he looked for a knife to slice the cinnamon bread. "And she certainly loves her horse."

Qui smiled. "They make a good team." He added a few more comments on the calendar. "Anything I should know about upstairs?"

"I don't think so." Ben thought a moment. "Jane has the master bedroom, Rafa has the two rooms with the shared bathroom, there's a small hall bath and two more little rooms that Jane uses for a sewing room or guest rooms." He shrugged and began pulling out crockery and cutlery to set the table. "I tend to think of that as the women's territory and don't go up there unless they ask for help with something."

"That works for me." Qui pulled the casserole from the oven and set it on the table. "I'll finish the tea if you pour the milk and juice."

They sat down for a companionable breakfast. Ben couldn't stop himself from occasionally pausing to simply look at Qui and smile.

"What?" Qui finally put his fork down and sat back. "Is there something amusing on my face?"

"No, not at all." Ben felt a schmoopy grin stretching his mouth. "I just can't help thinking how incredibly lucky I am to have you."

Qui reached over and put his hand atop Ben's. "And I feel the same way. I have to admit it still seems a bit like a strange dream, but if it is I'd rather keep sleeping." He laughed. "When I was first finding out about girls and flirting around, my ma used to tease me that some day a pretty little thing was going to capture my heart for good, but I don't think this was quite what she had in mind when she chaffed me about all the nappies I was going to have to be changing."

"Well, ooky-pookum honey buns, I'll be your pretty little thing if you'll be my tall, dark stranger," cooed Ben in a falsetto voice as he batted his eyelashes.

"Jaysus!" Qui pretended to gag.

Ben laughed and kissed Qui's hand. "Eat hearty, old man, you're definitely going to need all the energy you can get."

"We'll be seeing about that, boyo." Qui grinned before attacking his food again.

They finished their breakfast and sat sipping a final cup of tea before cleaning up.

"Anything in particular you want to do while we're off?" asked Ben.

"You showed me around the house, but today I'd like to explore the rest of the outside beyond the barn as well, see what's out there, and find some spots to do Tai Chi," said Qui. He thought a moment. "We need to set aside time to visit the Keo, too."

"Alright. We've got three days until I have to go back to work, so how about if we look around here this morning, then go out for a ride on Myrna after lunch? We can start fresh tomorrow in the Keo and that will leave Thursday free for whatever else we might want to do." Ben waggled an eyebrow. "The nights are already spoken for, of course. And any other times I can get you out of those pants."

"I did promise to go with you on the motorcycle, didn't I?" Qui shrugged. "Sounds like a fair plan." He paused a beat before smiling. "And an enjoyable one."

Tuesday Afternoon

Three hours later Ben and Qui had returned to the kitchen after a thorough exploration of the rectangular forty acre lot.

"It's a nice place. There are a lot of older trees up on the back end and several good areas where we can do Tai Chi when the weather permits," said Qui as he set glasses and a carton of milk on the table.

"Jane's kept it up, too. I think she had that second well put in and the generators upgraded about five or six years back, and she said her husband had done a lot of work on the barn and basement several years ago before he died." Ben opened a loaf of bread and packages of cold cuts to make sandwiches.

"Aye, it's clear she takes care of things, but 'tis surely a big place for one woman to worry about." Qui sliced carrots and apples and brought the plate to the table as they settled in for lunch. "Do you think she'd mind if I ask her if she wants help fixing up some of the things I noticed when we were outside?"

"I would think that falls under the category of helping with chores, so she'll probably welcome any suggestions you've got," said Ben.

"Good. I'll talk to her this evening, then."

After lunch Ben changed into his riding gear and new boots, then wheeled Myrna out of the garage.

"We'll only be going out for a few hours since you're not used to riding," said Ben as he did a quick check of the bike. "We'll use mostly back roads to avoid traffic."

"Anything in particular I should know?" Qui asked as he zipped his jacket.

"Not really. Just stay close, hold on and lean with me on curves and corners." Ben handed Qui the extra helmet he had borrowed from Midway and helped him adjust it. "Sometimes it can be a little hard to hear, so if you want to stop, tap me on the arm."

Qui nodded as he pulled on heavy leather gloves.

Ben closed the garage door, then took a moment to look over his lover. Satisfied that Qui was safely kitted out, he mounted Myrna and gestured. "Okay, come aboard." Ben put on his gauntlets and helmet as Qui settled behind him. A buzz ran through him at the solid warmth and the strength of the long arms around his middle. Ben started his motorcycle and revved the engine a few times. An extra little tingle went through him as a special growl in her rumble indicated that Myrna seemed to be pleased with her new passenger. "Looks like we're all set. You ready?"

Qui touched his helmet to Ben's. "Yes, let's head out."

"Here we go!" Ben grinned as he released the clutch and let Myrna gently roll down the driveway.

Ben kept to a sedate speed initially in deference to Qui's inexperience until it was clear that Qui had no difficulty staying in balance with him. He felt a warm glow from the combination of his lover snugged up against his back and the hot rumble between his thighs. Myrna was in fine spirits and responded eagerly when Ben opened the throttle a little.

For almost two hours they rode along back roads, heading further away from town and up into the foothills south of the Keogami National Forest's official border. Ben had chosen a circuitous route, alternating between major paved roads and seldom-used routes. His smile got a little broader when they went around the sharper curves and Qui's arms tightened.

Ben slowed as they approached a turnout and carefully pulled over onto the gravel. He let Myrna idle down before switching off the engine, then slipped his helmet off.

"Thought this would be a good place to let you stretch your legs a bit before we head back." Ben grinned as Qui gingerly dismounted, removed his helmet and walked toward the edge.

"Beautiful view." Qui gazed out across the lightly wooded valley as he rolled his shoulders and twisted his upper body.

"How are you doing?" asked Ben as he sat watching, admiring the view of Qui's rear.

"A little stiff," Qui admitted as he strolled about. "I think I found some muscles I haven't been using much lately." He shook his head. "Reminds me a bit of when I had to first learn to ride a horse for some of the back country patrols."

"Probably some of the same muscles involved riding a motorcycle or a horse," offered Ben. He got off and went to join his lover. "I would imagine that it's a little more difficult for you being in back because your legs are so much longer than mine, too."

"I think you're right." Qui gathered Ben in with one arm, pulling him close.

"I found this place one day when I was out riding and took a wrong turn," said Ben as he put an arm around Qui's waist. "I hope you like it."

"Aye, I do. I don't get down this direction very much, but it's a lovely spot with the contrast between the mountains and the ranches in the valley, and you can see almost all the way to the next county."

Ben leaned in as they admired the magnificent landscape for a moment.

"Are we going back the same way we came?" asked Qui.

"There's a much more direct route back if you prefer."

"If you don't mind," said Qui as he brushed a kiss across Ben's ear. "As you said, my legs are a lot longer than yours and they have to bend further."

"Not a problem." Ben turned his head to get a kiss. "I don't want to overdo it your first time out."

"Thanks." Qui smiled as he let go of Ben and headed back toward the bike.

The two men put their helmets on and settled themselves in place. Ben started Myrna and they returned to the paved road.

For twenty minutes they descended, hugging the twists and turns of a winding road. When they popped out onto a main highway, Ben let Myrna have her head as they sped homeward. He smiled in exhilaration as the wind whipped past, kept warm by the body clinging tightly to his back. Another forty minutes found them pulling up in front of their home.

"Wow, that was just wicked pisser," Ben enthused as he pushed his motorcycle into the garage.

Qui set his helmet on a shelf before pulling off his gloves. "It was interesting," he said as he unzipped his jacket.

"I loved having you behind me." Ben had a big smile on his face as he tossed his gear onto Myrna's seat. "Thanks for coming along."

"It was nice being close to you." Qui leaned against Jane's truck, which occupied the other slot in the garage.

"So, what did you think?" Ben came over and embraced Qui, snuggling close. "Isn't it just the most amazing feeling? Riding free into the wind, Myrna singing under you?"

"Mmm-hmm," murmured Qui as he returned the embrace and let his chin rest on Ben's head.

Qui's vague tone finally penetrated Ben's ecstatic fog. He pushed away to arm's length and looked up.

"You did enjoy the ride, didn't you?"

"I enjoyed being with you."

"That's not what I asked," Ben said slowly as an unhappy suspicion blossomed.

"It was a good experience." Qui's carefully chosen words matched his detached expression.

"So you want to go out with me again on Thursday?" challenged Ben.

"Well…" Qui sighed. "Not really."

"Oh." Ben stepped back. "You didn't like it."

"Look, I understand that you enjoy it, and I can live with that." Qui held out his hands placatingly. "But I feel better, and a lot safer, going on my own two feet or in a good solid truck." He shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry."

"No, it's alright." Ben sucked on a front tooth a moment as he tried to digest his disappointment. "I appreciate the fact that you were willing to give it a try, but I guess we can't all like the same things."

"Ben, I promise that I'll go out with you occasionally because you love it so much, and I want to be with you in something you like doing, but in the meantime can we agree to disagree about the wonderfulness of motorcycling?" Qui raised a hopeful eyebrow.

"Of course." Ben gave a half-smile and hugged his lover, burying his head against Qui's chest to hide his deflated feelings.

*** ***

"Hey, it's been great talking to you, Maureen, and I really appreciate the phone, but dinner's ready and they're calling me," said Ben.

"Been nice talking to you, little bro, and it's fantastic that you and Qui are getting off to such a good start. Just remember, I expect to hear from you more often now that you've got a new toy."

"Yes, ma'am," laughed Ben. "Love you."

"Love you, too. Bye."

Ben flipped off his new cell phone and parked it in the charger he had set up on the desk in their bedroom. He smiled fondly as he stood, then turned and headed for the stairs.

"… and tomorrow we'll be going out to the Keo," Qui was saying as he poured water into his glass.

"Sorry I'm late," said Ben, stopping at the sink to wash his hands. "I was talking to my sister."

"Don't worry, we're just starting," said Jane. "Tuna Surprise tonight."

"Smells good." Ben spooned a generous helping onto his plate.

"Qui told us that you got him out on the motorcycle today," said Rafa. "How did it go?"

"We had a nice ride, lots of fun," Ben replied casually. "It will be much better next summer when the weather turns warm."

"Yes, we'll be going out again," Qui added before turning to Jane. "This morning we spent quite a bit of time wandering around outside after Ben showed me the inside of the house and I have to say that it's a larger place than I realized, Jane. I've a few questions, if you don't mind."

"Of course not. Ask away."

"Here on the first floor we peeked in a big room where everything was covered in dust sheets and there was a solid screen blocking the fireplace. Should we not be going in there?"

"I reckon you'd call that the living room." Jane shook her head. "Don't use that room much these days except over the holidays when I usually have young folks from the university in, ones that can't get home. Put them up on the couple of sofa beds in there plus the two small rooms upstairs and cots or sleeping bags if there's a 'specially big group." She paused and looked around the table. "I don't remember if I've mentioned it before; I hope that's not going to bother anybody. They can be a mite noisy and rambunctious sometimes."

"I don't mind at all," said Rafa. Ben and Qui nodded in agreement.

"It's nice having them in. My great-great-grandparents had the original house built, and my great-grandmother added on another section when she took in her widowed brother and his passel of young'uns, but it's been donkey's years since there's been a crowd of people living here, not since families started scattering everywhere or dying out." She smiled wistfully. "Still a fair bit of my husband's people just north of here, and a few more in Colorado, too, so every now and then I'll get some of them passing through, but I'm about the last of the Bellisers still alive in these parts."

"Sorry to hear that, and I can sympathize. Not much left of my family these days, even back in Ireland," Qui murmured. He took a bite of salad before continuing. "You know, while Ben and I were exploring, I noticed some things around the outside that could use a little work. There are a few loose windows, cracked siding, several boards and posts in the backyard fence need replacing and the carport sides are sagging. I also found a half-dozen downed trees that should be cleared out that could be cut up for firewood."

"Heavens, I'm sure there's always a ton of things that could do with fixing around an old place like this," said Jane with a laugh. "I trust your judgment, Qui. You let me know what you want to work on and we'll sort out supplies."

Qui nodded and the conversation drifted into generalities as they finished their meal.

Tuesday evening

After dinner the two men went back to the basement, closing the door behind them. Ben sat at the small table looking at the pictures in his new Harley-Davidson book that Qui had given him for his birthday, occasionally smiling as he stroked a glossy image with a fingertip. He paused to watch as Qui rummaged through their large storage chest next to the wardrobe.

"With the extras we got from Jane when we cleared the basement, it looks like we'll have plenty of gear for both of us to spend the night tomorrow," Qui enthused. "This will be wonderful."

"What do you mean, spend the night?" Ben closed the book and rested a hand on the cover.

"Some of the best places in the Keo are well off the beaten track." Qui straightened and turned to face Ben. "It will take a while to get around to several of the spots I want to show you, so I assumed we would stay out and come back the next morning."

"The woods are dark and dirty, full of animals with sharp teeth and bugs and snakes, and the ground is hard." Ben scowled as he stood up, hands on hips. "And I don't suppose you've noticed how fucking cold it's getting at night."

Qui's face fell. "You don't really want to go, do you?" he asked slowly.

"I said I'd go out visiting with you, and I will. You didn't say anything about sleeping out there, though, and that's not the kind of surprise I like."

"Ah, right." Qui sighed. "Sorry. I obviously made an incorrect assumption." He looked down as he rubbed at a spot below his left ear. "I suppose I could narrow it down to just a couple of the more interesting places to visit." He shrugged. "We can pack a lunch and make it a day trip, if that works for you."

Ben felt a pang of anguish at Qui's obvious disappointment, and remembered guiltily his own reaction to Qui's polite but less than enthusiastic response after they had finished their motorcycle ride. He stepped up and put a hand on Qui's arm. "Hey, I didn't mean to come across so negatively…"

"No, it's not a problem. I have a bad habit of forgetting that most people don't feel the same way I do about the Keo." A wistful half-smile slipped across his face as Qui turned and carefully closed the lid of the chest. "And you've already done so much by joining the forest volunteers. It's not fair for me to be asking you to spend such a large amount of what little free time we have together going back out there."

"Qui." Ben sighed as he moved behind his lover and wrapped his arms around him. "If it means that much to you, then I guess one night wouldn't hurt." He snuggled the side of his head between Qui's shoulder blades.

"Neither of us will enjoy it if you feel like you're only there under duress. That's not how I want this relationship to be for us, so perhaps we should just be forgetting the whole thing."

"Does it make you happy being out in your forest?"

"Yes, it does. The Keo is a huge part of my life."

"And would it make you happy if I'm with you out in your forest?"

"Only if you're really wanting to be there."

"I was being selfish earlier, and I apologize for that. If something makes you that happy, Qui, then it makes me happy. I want to be with you, to touch you, to hear your voice, whether it's here, under a tree or wherever." Ben ran his hands under Qui's t-shirt and rubbed his stomach. He thought a moment before continuing to make sure he wasn't sounding clingy or self-sacrificing. "It's a fair trade if we both get something good out of it, right?"

"Aye, so it is." Qui turned within the embrace, letting Ben's hands slide around his sides to rest on his back. He captured Ben's face in his hands and tilted it up. "Do you know what I really want to do out in the Keo tomorrow?" He stared down intently.

"No, tell me." Ben gazed up into the dark blue eyes, feeling a bit like he was being devoured.

"I want to take you to a very special place tomorrow night, a beautiful place, where there will only be the trees, the stars, you and me," Qui said slowly in a soft, deep voice. "I want to build us a nest, and we are going to crawl inside, and take each other's clothes off." He leaned in. "I want to kiss your mouth, taste you and caress you, then kiss you all over."

Ben felt his cock hardening from the low voluptuous need in his lover's voice.

Qui leaned in closer still, their noses almost touching. "I want to breathe the air you breathe, feel the warmth you feel, and I want your body next to mine, so close there is nothing between us."

Ben tightened his arms around Qui, his hands stroking Qui's back, his breathing growing rough.

"And the thing I want the most," Qui whispered into Ben's ear as his arms slipped down to enfold Ben, "is for you to enter me, to feel all of you inside me, to hear our passion sing to the trees as we make sweet love together." He captured Ben's mouth in a searing kiss.

Fire raced through Ben's body as he melted into Qui's passion. He eagerly returned the kiss even as his knees buckled, not resisting as Qui swung him around and pinned him to the wall. Ben's eyes were closed, all of his senses concentrated on the heat flooding his mouth, pressing against his body and racing through his belly to the cock that strained to escape its denim confines.

Ben's moans were swallowed by the avid mouth that feasted on his. He felt two large hands slip down inside the back of his jeans to grab bare skin. He clasped his own hands behind Qui's neck and wrapped his legs around his lover's middle. Ben writhed as Qui pushed hard, grinding their crotches together.

"Yes, fuck yes!" Ben groaned as he moved frantically. The layers of cloth between them added to the burning friction and within moments he gasped as his orgasm exploded. He sagged limply into Qui's arms, only vaguely aware of his lover's moan as Qui thrust against him thrice more before reaching his own climax.

Eyes still closed as he sucked in air through his mouth, Ben was held in place by inertia and Qui's weight leaning against him. He drifted pleasantly for a long moment until the wet stickiness in his shorts made him stir.

"Jaysus," Qui whispered shakily as he levered himself away from the wall.

"Yeah." Ben led the way as they moved into the bedroom, shedding clothes as they went. Naked, both men flopped onto the bed and Ben leaned into the solid warmth of Qui's body as they recovered.

"I think I must be a bad influence on you," Ben murmured. "That's twice now you've thrown foreplay right out the window."

"That last one took me by surprise," Qui admitted as he lazily rubbed Ben's belly. "Don't worry, we'll be getting lots of opportunities to take it nice and slow."

"Well, if just talking about doing it out in the woods gets you that turned on, stud, I may have to rethink this tree-hugging business." Ben grinned as he turned his head up.

"Thinking about my forest is pretty stimulating," Qui whispered as he nibbled on Ben's ear.

"I'll have to figure out how to bottle 'essence of Keo', then, so I can wear it as cologne or wave it under your nose to get you stirred up."

Qui laughed as he wrapped Ben in a big hug. "You're the only thing I'm needing to get me all hot and bothered," he growled as he proceeded to thoroughly kiss and caress his lover into a puddle of limp goo.

continued in part 2

Landed

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 17:32:27 GMT

Got into Las Vegas last night, met Gloriana and settled into room (I'm in building 2).

Fen and TPM tonight!

FIC: Master's Voice, 28/28 - NC17

Thu, 25 Jun 2009 00:17:31 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is NC17

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§    Chapter Twenty-Eight    §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben was first into the basement. He put his gifts on the table, made a quick visit to the bathroom, then went over to the fireplace. He looked along the mantel for the box of matches he had put there earlier but couldn't find them.

"Qui, did you see the matches?" Ben turned around to find that Qui was leaning against the door frame, slowly surveying the room from one end to the other.

"Qui?"

"Hmm?" was the absent-minded reply.

"Is there a problem?"

"Just doing a final reality check." Qui shrugged. "I've been thinking about this so much that it's hard to believe it's really happening."

Ben moved away from the fireplace and planted himself, legs apart. He raised his arms, elbows bent, palms up, and very slowly jiggled his fingers. He put on his best come-hither face, and in a low, sultry voice he rasped, "Come on over here, big boy, and I'll show you reality."

Qui straightened, a faintly amused twist to one corner of his mouth.

"Oh, yeah, I got something hot and sweet for you." Ben ran his tongue along his lower lip. "Bring it on, stud. Show your boy what you've got for him."

By now, Ben definitely had Qui's attention.

"I remembered that you like foreplay, too." Ben ran one hand gradually down his side as he put a fingertip to his lip, sucked lightly and let it slip out. "I've got four bottles of lube for us to play with." He waggled his eyebrows.

Qui laughed, a full gleaming smile as the ice broke and his normal confidence surged forth. He reached behind him and closed the door.

The lock clicked loudly.

"You are going to need four bottles by the time I get done with you," he purred.

Ben grinned. "That's the Qui I want to see." He leered as he cocked a hip. "You still want that fire? Or shall we get right down to business?"

"A job worth doing is worth doing right," said Qui as he came across the middle of the room. "Remember the magic 'P' words?"

Ben groaned. "I swear I'm going to get those words tattooed on me." He brightened a little. "Maybe I could get one on each ass cheek so you have to look at them."

Qui laughed again. "Promises, promises. At least that way you really would have a 'smart' arse. I'll open the wine after I make a pit stop." He paused by the desk and picked up something. "You'll be needing these, I'm thinking." He tossed a box of matches to Ben before bending to open the small refrigerator.

Ben took a moment to enjoy the view before Qui straightened again, then hummed to himself as he lit the waiting fire, followed by the candles along the mantel. The warm light softened the air as he clicked off the lamps.

"Very nice," said Qui a few minutes later as he put two glasses of wine and the open bottle on the small side table at the end of the sofa. "I know you like your new boots, but are you planning on leaving the great hulking things on? I don't particularly fancy getting kicked in the shins with those."

"Oh, I don't know. I do indeed like them a lot." Ben grinned as Qui shook his head with a grimace, whereupon Ben relented and pulled them off, caressing the leather before carefully setting them with his other gifts.

"No bloody white socks either, please." Qui was sitting on the sofa, legs stretched out in front of him. He wiggled his bare toes. "Reminds me too much of a bad porno movie."

"I am shocked!" Ben gasped as he clapped a hand to his chest in mock horror. "My hero looks at those nasty filthy pictures?" He swooned, a hand to his forehead. "You are shattering my illusions!"

"I'm just your basic dirty old man," smirked Qui. He dropped his voice into a cracked quaver, "Come here, little boy, I've got a treat for you."

Ben laughed as he toed his socks off, leaving them lying on the floor. He retrieved his glass of wine and joined Qui on the sofa, settling in next to him as Qui draped an arm around his shoulders.

"Very nice wine," Ben remarked after he took a small taste.

"Just a little something I've always been fond of."

The crackling of the fire was the only sound for a while as they cuddled and sipped their wine.

"Mmmmm," Ben sighed as he snuggled a little closer. He was feeling warm and relaxed. "This has been a fantastic day." A stray thought tickled his brain. "Qui?"

"Hmmm?"

"What was it Maureen said to you on the phone? You looked a bit taken aback when you finished."

"I don't think your sister is someone I would be wanting to cross." A wry smile lit Qui's face. "First she asked me if I really loved you, so I said yes. And while Jane may not use bodily threats, Maureen told me in blunt and explicit detail how she was going to remove all of my genitals and where she was going to put them if I ever did anything to hurt you. Then she told me that I had better take good care of you or she was going to hunt me down to the ends of the earth and make my life miserable."

"Jesus, I'm sorry about that." The flush on Ben's face was no longer just from the wine as he tried to bury his head in Qui's side. "Maureen has always been a very protective big sister, and sometimes she gets a little carried away."

"It's alright." Qui said as he kissed the top of Ben's head. "She cares for you a great deal, and I would certainly be the last one to be minding something like that."

"I am so glad I found you," Ben murmured. He felt his empty glass plucked from his hand, then he was pulled into an embrace.

"It's been quite a journey this summer, finding you and finding out new things about myself," Qui said quietly as he held Ben close. "Not always a smooth trip." A little rumble that vibrated between them. "I keep associating us with this little bit from Walt Whitman when I remember how it went, especially when I think of how you kept coming back to me: "O You whom I often and silently come where you are that I may be with you,"

Qui rubbed his hands up and down Ben's back.

"As I walk by your side or sit near, or remain in the same room with you,"

Ben felt tingles down his spine as he shifted to straddle Qui's lap.

"Little you know the subtle electric fire that for your sake is playing within me."

A distinctly un-subtle fire blossomed as their lips met, a hungry flame that blazed brightly. Ben felt the heat flooding through him as the kiss grew in intensity, mouths opening and tongues delving, an answering heat from the body beneath him escalating the temperature. Hot, wet tongues slid and entwined, the taste of Qui mixed with the woody sweetness of wine as Ben explored, textures of slick warmth shifting to hard edges of teeth and back again.

"Ahhhhh," Ben breathed an appreciative sigh as he rested his head on Qui's shoulder. "That's an even better vintage second-hand."

Ben smiled at the wordless murmur of agreement as Qui grazed along the base of his neck and nibbled on his ear. He captured one of Qui's hands, kissing the palm and moving on to suck each finger.

They kissed and caressed for a few more minutes until Qui wrapped his arms around Ben's waist and slipped them both down to the thick rug in front of the fireplace. They stretched out beside each other and began letting hands and mouths roam freely. Kisses alternated between lips, necks, ears. Fingers slipped under shirts and skin was gradually bared, providing new territory to explore.

Ben moaned as two large hands rubbed his sides and stomach while a hot mouth sucked his nipples into tender hardness, alternating between them. He luxuriated in the attentions, letting his head loll back as his hands fondled Qui's head. Electricity ebbed and flowed throughout his body as his cock gradually began filling.

Turning the tables, Ben urged Qui onto his back and kissed him before moving down to nibble at the junction of neck and shoulders, sucking on the pulsing vein in his neck, leaving tangible marks of his passion. He ghosted his hands along Qui's ribs and flanks as he attacked the enticing nipples. He nuzzled the armpits, the tangy musk filling his nostrils. Broad strokes of his tongue painted Qui's abdomen as Ben memorized his flavor.

For a timeless stretch the two men leisurely indulged each other's whims, kissing, licking, suckling, caressing, skin sliding against skin. Qui allowed Ben to move freely but he controlled the pace, keeping things simmering, building gradually to just below a boil.

Suddenly Qui pushed Ben flat on the rug and moved over him, belly to belly, chest to chest, pressing down. He held Ben's arms above his head as he captured him with a fierce kiss, plunging his tongue in and ravaging Ben's mouth for a long, breathless siege.

"Sweet Jesus," Ben gasped when he was finally released.

Qui let go of Ben's arms and shifted to support his own weight on his forearms. "So, you still think foreplay is a waste of time?"

"You've got the evidence that says I think it's a great idea." Ben wiggled his hips just enough to nudge his erection against Qui's groin.

Qui pushed himself up to his feet. He took a moment to put out the candles, then returned to stand beside Ben, staring down at him as his tongue slowly circled his lips.

Breathing heavily, Ben stared back. The blood that raced in his veins had his heart pumping as if he had been on a long run and he had to collect himself enough to grasp the hand that reached to pull him up. Still holding Ben's hand, Qui began walking slowly toward the bedroom. At the entrance he lightly kissed Ben as he released his hand. Ben stood with one forearm propped on the door frame, watching happily as Qui stripped the covers back on the bed. Qui straightened, opened the nightstand drawer and picked up one of the bottles of lube, read the label with a raised eyebrow, then put it back down before turning to face Ben. The two men looked at each other. Qui briefly rubbed the red mark on the right side of his neck, then extended his arm. Ben glanced at the open hand, his nostrils flaring as his heart picked up speed again. Moving slowly in deference to the hard flesh straining his jeans, he reached to take Qui's hand. He kept moving as Qui pulled him in for an embrace and another kiss. Never breaking the kiss, Qui turned Ben and gathered him in, then carefully put him down on the bed. Ben captured a large hand and slowly began sliding it down his chest, along his belly, pushing it to rest on the fabric-covered bulge at his groin.

"Why don't you open my present for you?" Ben whispered.

Faint noises escaped Qui's mouth as his eyes darkened. His hand squeezed a little, his breath hitching. Resting one knee on the bed, he opened the button on Ben's jeans. Very slowly he slid the tab of the zipper downward. He grasped the edge of the jeans and began pulling.

Ben watched Qui's face as he raised his hips to allow the denim to be removed. A cool rush of air hit his groin as his erection popped free and he grinned as he saw the lump that went down Qui's throat at the sight. He felt the drag as his jeans were quickly yanked off the rest of the way and tossed aside. He sucked on his lower lip as the warmth of a callused palm slowly made its way up his leg, pausing halfway up his thigh.

"Don't stop there," Ben said as he fought to keep his hands still at his sides. "It doesn't bite." He watched, spell-bound, as Qui's hand resumed its progress. His cock leaped and a moan escaped his lips when long fingers encircled the hard flesh.

"Lively little devil," Qui murmured, his voice low and husky as he stroked the iron silkiness from root to tip.

"You don't know the half of it." Ben's hips jumped as a thumb caressed the tip of his organ, spreading the wetness already gathering.

"I've never touched another man's penis." Qui looked up at Ben.

"So what do you think?" purred Ben. "Do you like it?"

"Hmmm," Qui said thoughtfully. Little throaty murmurs emerged as he trailed a finger along the underside of Ben's erection. "I think I like it a lot." He gently rubbed just under the crown, then tilted his head, mouth half open. "Is that good for you?"

"Don't worry, you're doing fine." Ben reached and patted Qui's cheek. "The family jewels could do with a little polishing too, if you'd like to continue your education."

A snort and lopsided half-smile rewarded Ben's jest. Qui's tongue peeked from the corner of his mouth as he resumed his exploration.

"Aaghgh," gasped Ben as his balls were rolled and fondled. The hand on his cock teased his sensibilities, light brushes of fingertips contrasting with firm strokes and subtle squeezes. Ben felt the pressure building, his organ growing ever harder. He moaned as the intensity grew; when his balls tightened, he grabbed Qui's wrist.

"Wait!" Ben rolled his head back, sucked in several deep breaths and blew hard. "My turn," he spit out as he pushed himself up and shifted around to sit on the edge of the bed. He seized a belt loop on Qui's jeans and pulled Qui to stand between his knees. "My turn," he said, more quietly this time as he looked up at Qui, his fingers resting on the top button, a question in his eyes.

Qui put his hands on Ben's shoulders. His face was flushed, his breathing hoarse. "Yes," he whispered gruffly. His eyes were shadowy swirls as they bored into Ben. "Yes," he repeated.

Eyes locked on Qui's, Ben opened the metal buttons one by one. He gripped jeans and underwear at Qui's hips, then drew them downwards, tugging briefly to get the garments past the engorged organ. It was only when the clothes were dislodged far enough to fall from their own weight that Ben allowed himself to look down at what was now at his face level.

"Sweet mother of god!"

The very generous phallus almost touching Ben's nose was well past half mast. It bobbed gently in the warm breath from Ben's half-open mouth. Eyes wide, Ben's first thought was a sudden doubt about the wisdom of asking for that formidable instrument to be introduced into his untried and virgin orifice. He sucked in a breath and let it out through pursed lips.

"Was that whistle supposed to be 'Oh, boy, look what I found' or 'Oh, my god, what was I thinking'?"

Ben looked up. The tone had been jocular, but the expression said that Qui knew damned well what Ben had been thinking. Certainty replaced doubt; this was right, this was what he wanted, this was the man he wanted to make love with for the rest of his life. The corner of his mouth twitched, then turned up as a smile slowly spread across his face.

"It's wicked frickin' pisser!"

Any uncertainties that Qui might have had as to the meaning of that phrase were quickly erased as Ben reached up to grasp the middle of the enticing rod, holding it still as he leaned forward to slurp a wet tongue across the head.

"Ooahh, Jaysus!"

The shudder that rippled down Qui's body sent quivers straight to Ben's cock. He returned the favor of Qui's earlier attentions to his own organ, caressing and teasing the velvet length, gently squeezing the balls, running a finger around the tip and dipping into the slit. Ben felt his heart pounding, a trickle of fevered sweat sliding down his temple. Between Qui's moans and the heavenly sensations in his hands, Ben's cock grew painfully hard and he felt himself rushing to climax. With a gasp, he reached down to grasp the base of his own erection, leaning forward to rest his head against Qui's middle, his free arm around Qui's hip.

"Ah, fuck!" Ben's breathing was harsh. "I need..."

"What can I do for you?" Qui wrapped a hand around the back of Ben's head, holding him steady as his own chest heaved.

"I need... to take the edge off."

Ben leaned back, swinging his legs up to lie flat along the edge of the bed. He kept a hand between his legs, squeezing tightly until he felt the pressure subside. He looked sideways to see Qui kneeling beside the bed. He reached out to touch Qui's face.

"I wasn't kidding when I told you how horny I get even just thinking of you. We'll both enjoy the rest of the night more if I get off now." He ran a finger along Qui's lips. "Would you like to fulfill one of my fantasies, love?"

"What wish can your genie grant for you?" Qui captured Ben's hand and kissed the palm.

"I have dreamed about you touching me while you talked to me or read to me, just your hands and your voice." Ben licked his lips. "I'm so close it won't take much. Would you do that for me?"

A slow nod and tender smile, then Qui bent his head to brush Ben's lips with his own. "It would be my pleasure." He lightly rubbed Ben's cheek with a thumb as he pondered for a moment. Another smile, sensual and alluring, as Qui laid his other hand on Ben's arm.

"I have just the thing. Relax, love, and listen."

Ben let his body go limp as fingertips ghosted up his arm, grateful for his lessons on centering. He closed his eyes, focusing on sounds and sensations.

"This is for you, Ben Kennan, because this is what you have done to me, and Enthralled is how you make me feel."

Light pressure traced the planes of his face as Ben drew in a slow breath.

          Teach me to sin--
          In love's forbidden ways,

Neck tickled... shoulders caressed...

          For you can make all passion pure;
          The magic lure of your sweet eyes
          Each shape of sin makes virtue praise.

Heart racing as fingers teased nubs to hardness, tweaking, twisting...

          Teach me to sin--
          Enslave me to your wanton charms,

Straining to hear over roaring blood as palms swept across bare skin, waves of hot, tingling craving in their wake...

          Crush me in your velvet arms
          And make me, make me love you.

Hands fisting in sheets as fingertips delved into the warm crevice where belly met legs, slipping down inner thighs...

          Make me fire your blood with new desire,
          And make me kiss you--lip and limb,

Whimpers of delirious fervor as straining cock was captured, caressed, a gentle thumb spreading moisture...

          Till senses reel and pulses swim.

Riding the ragged edge of raw need as firm, deliberate strokes stoked the ravening ache...

          Aye! even if you hate me,
          Teach me to sin.

Moaning... hips thrashing as steady pressure pumped the rigid length ever faster while fingers squeezed the tender orbs below...

A cry of ecstasy as joyous delirium erupted...

*****   *****

"Ahwwwahwwwwaa," a long subvocal croak.

Warm.

Ben blinked, turned his head. Blue eyes only inches away stared into his. Ben blinked again, realized that the warmth was the afterglow of a fantasy fulfilled.

"Did you know that your eyes turn the most incredible shade of blue-green when you come?" Qui asked softly, his voice full of wonder.

"I don't remember opening my eyes," said Ben. His body's response to the hand resting just below his navel let him know that the fire was only temporarily banked and the cravings still lurked.

"Right before your climax..." Two fingers floated along the side of Ben's face, barely touching. "So beautiful..."

Ben allowed himself to drift and enjoy his languor for a moment. Finally he drew a deep breath and released it very slowly.

"Thank you, Qui," murmured Ben as he turned on his side. "That was wonderful." He found the hand that had moved down to his neck and brought it to his mouth. He kissed each knuckle, then held the palm against his face. "I want to make you feel wonderful too."

"You're doing a good job so far," leered Qui, "my incredibly sexy boy." He held up a small rumpled towel. "Not something I've usually had to worry about before with a partner, but I hope there is a lot more where that came from."

"Oh." Ben gave a small abashed smile as he realized that Qui must have cleaned him up while he was still foggy from his orgasm. "Thanks. And yes, I think I can safely promise that there will be a copious quantity on tap whenever you would like to avail yourself of the supply."

Qui laughed as he rose from his kneeling position beside the bed to his full height.

"May I have this dance, Mr. Kennan?" he asked, one eyebrow raised.

"It would be my pleasure, Mr. Finn." Ben flopped over on his back, hips tilted and one knee raised to display his assets. "What wish of yours may I fulfill, sir?"

"Don't worry, you'll know when we get there." Qui picked up two towels and one of the bottles of lube and tossed them onto the stack of pillows. "Move your arse over, boyo."

The sensuous smile and smoldering eyes sent a shiver through Ben. He scooted to the far side of the bed, leaned up on one elbow. Another shiver went through him as he was transfixed by the intensity of Qui's stare. He had often wished he could be the object of Qui's single-minded focus, but the reality proved to be even more consuming than he could have imagined.

Ben couldn't move as the mattress dipped under Qui's weight. He watched, mesmerized, as Qui slowly stalked him on all fours. He was already hardening again at the sight of the heavy phallus hanging from Qui's loins. The first touch of Qui's hand on his ankle drew a gasp; the progress of the dry ghosting fingertips up the inside of his knee, along his thigh and across his belly was accompanied by increasingly heavy breathing. The sight of the tongue circling those wanton lips sent sparks flying.

Yielding willingly to the slight pressure from Qui's palm, Ben let himself be pushed flat, his arms held in those massive paws. He swallowed hard as lips descended onto his and reveled in the steamy and very thorough assault on his mouth. Ben gulped air as those lips moved on, kissing along his jaw, sucking on his ear. Teeth nipped at his lobe before a tongue soothed the hurt, then dipped into his ear, sending a hot flash into Ben's gut.

Nibbles and deep kisses along Ben's neck made him moan as he envisioned the evidence Qui was leaving of his ardor. His mouth worked soundlessly as sharp teeth and wet suction suddenly pulled first his left and then right nipple into an exquisite ache. His chest arched, wanting more of that carnal tongue, a wordless plea Qui obligingly granted, teasing with the tip, flicking the sensitized nubs before sucking them in again.

Ben's cock was paying fervent attention as his bare skin was painted with broad, salaciously wet strokes. He moaned as hands slid down his chest and agile fingers tweaked and twisted his now-tender nipples. The tongue and lips that kissed and licked up and down his belly set his heart pounding and blood racing. He was only vaguely aware when Qui's weight shifted and a knee landed beside each of his hips.

Any banked coals that were still miraculously quiescent burst into ravening flame when Ben felt the solid flesh that slid against his own straining organ. His excited yelp was swallowed by the mouth that descended on his and took his breath away. His hips futilely bucked under Qui's weight, greedily seeking more of that exquisite friction. Ben felt the sweat popping out on his face and body, adding slickness to the heat as Qui moved against him.

A whimper of need came from the boneless mass that was Ben Kennan as his ranger finally sat up beside him after several minutes of thoroughly touching, kissing, and licking him all over. His eyes widened as he watched Qui retrieve the bottle of lube. He gulped when a hand gently urged him over onto his stomach.

"I'm running on instincts here, so you have to tell me if I hurt you or if you need to stop," Qui murmured.

Ben swallowed, then nodded. "You're still doing fine," he whispered hoarsely. Ben closed his eyes as a hand massaged his back, working its way slowly down toward the base of his spine. He felt Qui's body lying alongside him, heard the soothing murmur in his ear, but quivered when a slick finger delved into his moist cleft.

"Have I told you how fucking sexy your arse is?" Qui growled into Ben's ear.

Ben's cock, trapped as it was between his stomach and the bed, still managed to jump at the voracious lust in Qui's voice. "Flatterer."

"Makes me jealous of Myrna when I think of her getting that arse all to herself all this time."

The finger teasing his entrance almost made Ben choke on his laugh. He tensed when a dribble of lube was followed by a light pressure.

"I need you to relax for me, Ben." Qui nuzzled his lover's neck as he moved his hand to knead an ass cheek.

"I want this," Ben whispered. "It's just..."

"I know." Qui pulled Ben onto his side, spooned up close to him and wrapped an arm over Ben's shoulder to hold his chest. "Breathe with me."

Ben closed his eyes and leaned back into the comforting warmth. He was drawn into the rhythm of the anchor that was Qui's life force, matching the regular in and out of air. His heart still hammered but with renewed desire instead of the sudden anxiety that had caused him to stiffen at the tentative first intrusion. Qui's kisses along his ear and shoulder sent new sparks down his back, while Qui's hand moving down to stroke his cock shot lightning into his gut. He reached behind him to find Qui's flank and held him close, letting the hard neediness at Qui's groin rub against his rear.

"Want you..." moaned Ben. "Do it again."

Shifting back onto his stomach, Ben grabbed a pillow to hug as he felt more lube being spread into his crack. When the first questing finger began probing, he deliberately pushed out, concentrating on welcoming the touch. The first cautious penetration caused a grunt and brief tightening of the muscular ring, but Ben took a long, slow breath and the moment passed. It was an odd sensation when two fingers moved inside him, stretching him. Ben was still trying to analyze the messages his brain was receiving when a sudden exquisite shock rocked his whole body.

"Holy shit!" gasped Ben. His eyes flew open.

"Remember that thing called a prostate?" was the wry chuckle from the vicinity of Ben's left ear. "Didn't know it felt that good, did you?"

"Do THAT again!" Ben demanded.

Another chuckle tickled Ben's ear as he pushed back enthusiastically onto the fingers. He wiggled his rear to encourage more of that fierce stimulation, so excited by the rousing titillation that he eagerly accepted it when a third finger joined in. Heat flashed in waves over him and his cock pulsed under him.

"Heeey, don't stop," Ben whined when there was an abrupt emptiness in his nether region.

"My turn, remember?" Qui flipped his lover onto his back. He urged Ben's hips up and put a large pillow beneath them, then moved between Ben's legs. He licked his lips as he stared down. "Wanna see those gorgeous eyes when you come again for me, boy."

Ben stared back up, caught in the intense blue gaze, still breathless from the speed with which his lover had maneuvered him. He sucked in a deep breath, then lifted his legs toward his chest with a cheeky grin.

"What are ya waiting for, old man?"

The ravenous growl that answered him sent a new shock straight to his cock. The pressure of the blunt head against his opening launched a brief quiver through him, but Ben kept his eyes fixed on Qui's face and the moment passed. More pressure, a slow, steady push against the heavy ring of muscle that caused Ben to bear down to ease the passage, then Ben experienced a sharp pain as the first few inches burst through the barrier.

"Oww!" Ben swallowed. "Fuck, you are big."

"Easy... just breathe." Qui lifted Ben's legs over his shoulders and let him rest. "Tell me when you're ready."

Ben took several deep breaths, then nodded. "Go for it."

Another slow, steady push as the slick length moved deep into his passage made Ben giddy with the voluptuous fullness. Even the earthy grunt when Qui's last shove brought his balls flush with Ben's ass added to his arousal. He laid his head back and moaned his pleasure as he adjusted to the incredible completeness.

Awed elation sang through his nerves as Ben let the sensations wash over and through him. The love and lust in the smoky gaze of his lover drew him in, an electric connection as the rest of the world ceased to exist. Joined in body and emotions as he had never been with anyone else, Ben felt lifted, transported for a moment to a magic oneness.

The hoarse cry of "Need you" pulled Ben back to the intense physical intimacy of passion. His back flexed as Qui bent forward to kiss him, fervent mingling of tongues mimicking the union of their bodies below.

"Want you... all of you," Ben groaned. He shifted his bottom and tightened his sphincter, grinning at the heartfelt moan he drew from his lover.

An inarticulate growl of possession warned Ben they had reached the point of no return. He willingly gave himself over completely as Qui drew his hips back, leaving just the head of his erection inside Ben's body, then swiftly pressed back in, raking over the sweet spot and causing Ben to gasp as a shock wave passed through him.

Ben was amply rewarded for his submission. Time lost all meaning as he was sucked into the cadence of Qui's dance, long, slow, gentle thrusts that alternated with harder strokes that raked his passage. There was only sensation; lingering taste of Qui in his mouth, sweat musk of Qui in his nose, grunts and harsh breathing of Qui overpowering the roaring of his own blood in his ears, powerful hands that roamed his sweat-slicked flesh leaving fire in their wake.

"Aaaaghgh!" Ben bucked as he felt the head of Qui's organ sweep across his prostate again and again, gasoline on the blaze that was consuming him. He felt a reciprocal increase in the urgency of Qui's ardor as bruising strength grasped his hips.

Clenching muscles would have been useless in slowing the hot steel juggernaut that impaled him, but Ben eagerly welcomed the fierce onslaught. White-knuckled fists clutched sheets as he tried to meet the pistoning drive of Qui's rigid cock. He cried out as his own straining organ was engulfed in slick fingers and pumped hard.

Pressure.

Glorious flames.

Sweat burning his eyes.

Cock painfully hard as it swelled to bursting.

Flesh slapping torrid flesh as hips jerked and balls swung.

Red haze as short, jabbing thrusts pounded into him and shoved his body around.

Ben shuddered when a husky voice ordered, "Open your eyes, love." Ben forced himself to obey, looking up into glittering sapphire eyes, slitted with lust, bearing down on him. "I want to watch you when you come."

Magic voice, beloved voice, sending Ben soaring over passion's peak.

Ecstasy.

Time hung suspended in a blinding white glory,

             floating in a joyous rapture,

         one with his lover in body and mind.

Ecstasy.

Ben drifted in cozy darkness. Only the necessity to breathe forced him to make his befuddled mind address the question of why there was a hot, heavy weight pressing his chest down, his legs uncomfortably lifted. The fullness in his rear passage as he tried to shift position brought instant enlightenment.

"Oooah," Ben breathed as he wrapped his arms around the recumbent form atop him, trying to savor the closeness and connection for as long as possible.

Blue eyes blinked muzzily as Qui lifted his head, a slow, languid smile spreading across his face.

A small whimper and sigh as Ben was forced to yield to reality, letting his lover slide off his sweat-and-semen-slicked flesh as Qui's deflated organ slipped from his body.

"Are you alright, Ben?" A soft kiss followed the anxious query.

A serene harmony filled Ben's soul at the sound of his lover's voice. "I don't think I have ever been better." Ben lazily turned his head. "That was absolutely fantastic." A thought tried to form in his brain. "Don't think I can move ever again, though."

A low snort of laughter. "So much for youthful stamina."

Ben felt the mattress shift briefly, then a soft towel moved from his head to his limbs and torso, removing the residue of their adventure.

"You are so good to me," murmured Ben. Warm tenderness filled the crevices left from the recent lust.

"You are a gift from heaven to me." Qui tossed the used towels aside and leaned in for another gentle kiss. "I didn't know what darkness I was living in until your light opened my eyes."

"Awwww," Ben summoned enough energy for a half grin. "Are you getting all soft and mushy on me?"

"Give me a little time and it won't be soft and mushy you need to worry about, boyo."

"That's the Qui I want." Ben turned on his side to face his new mate, traced a finger down his cheek. "Love you."

Qui gathered Ben into his arms, then pulled up the flannel sheets to cover them. "Love you." He kissed Ben's forehead, then held him close.

They drifted into blissful sleep in each other's arms, peaceful smiles on their faces.

                 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
                           finis, for now
                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tai Chi Notes and poetry references:

There are many web sites, books, DVDs etc. for Tai Chi. These are just a few that might be of interest.
1. A listing and explanation of the Yang Style 24 steps www.harmonytaijiquan.com/traditional_24/traditional_24.html

2. Info about differences between Yang, Chen and Wu styles and simplified drawings of the Yang 24
www.taichiacademy.com/formsandmovements.htm and www.taichiacademy.com/yang.htm

3. To see some examples of Tai Chi, go to YouTube.
     - Square form - www.youtube.com/watch
     - Yang 24 step - (no sound) www.youtube.com/watch
     - Yang 24 ( group with music ) www.youtube.com/watch
     - Discussion of several movements and relation to martial arts www.youtube.com/watch

4. There are also Yang 42 and 108 long forms on YouTube

5. Tai Chi breathing
www.youtube.com/watch    or
www.youtube.com/watch

6. Weapons in Tai Chi.
     - Yang Sword   www.youtube.com/watch or www.youtube.com/watch
     - Staff   www.youtube.com/watch or    www.youtube.com/watch
     - Examples of various types of weapons used in Tai Chi (staff, sword, broadsword, etc.)
www.youtube.com/watch or   www.youtube.com/watch

7. Two person formal pushing hand exercise www.youtube.com/watch

8. Two person free style training demo www.youtube.com/watch

9. www.glbtq.com/social-sciences/ireland.html, glbtq: An Encyclopedia of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Culture, Ireland, Linda Rapp, discussion of gay influences in Irish literature

10.   www.glbtq.com/literature/wilde_o,3.html, glbtq: An Encyclopedia of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer Culture, Oscar Wilde (1854-1900), Claude J Summers, review and discussion of Oscar Wilde

11.   Conrad Bladey, 5 Minute Irish Stories, web.ncf.ca/er719/blackbx.html

12. Charles Kickham, St. John's Eve, from A Treasury of Irish Poetry in the English Tongue, Stopford A. Brooke and T. W. Rolleston, ed., 1900

13. Walt Whitman, O You Whom I Often and Silently Come, Leaves of Grass (8 editions between 1855 and 1891)

14. Alfred Bryan, Enthralled, from Pagan Love Lyrics, 1921 (also included in Poetica Erotica, A Collection of Rare and Curious Amatory Verse, (Volume 2) edited by T.R. Smith, 1921, for which a digitized version is available at  books.google.com/books )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ END PIECE   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The text seems to have come out rather fuzzy on the upload - this is what it says if you can't read it on your screen:

        Ecstasy by KatBear

One              and             One
         Apart and Alone

Yearning, Hurting
Fearing the truth inside.

Questions, Confusion
What is the truth inside?

Seeking, Seeing
Facing the truth inside.

Accepting, Loving
Embracing the truth inside.

            Together

                One

One Journey Has Ended.............A New Journey Begins

Or the blue version for those who prefer blue:

FIC: Master's Voice, 27/28

Wed, 24 Jun 2009 00:05:45 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§ Chapter Twenty-Seven §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wakefulness came early even with no alarm to heed. Ben yawned, stretched and rubbed his face before contemplating the empty spot next to him that would soon be filled by his beloved ranger. He smiled and hummed to himself as he threw off the covers and jumped out of bed.

After his workout and a quick breakfast, Ben stood in the basement at the foot of the stairs admiring the new furnishings. The sofa, rocking chair, side tables and armchair made a cozy section facing the corner fireplace and there was a space behind the rocking and arm chairs where the empty bookcases along the wall waited to be filled. Near the middle of the far wall, Qui's desk was set up with his display case next to it beside which the small used refrigerator they had found had a large bowl of apples sitting on top of it and was already stocked with water and juice. The table and chairs occupied the middle of the room, while the weights and exercise mats remained in the far corner near the exterior door with its windowed top half. To his left, past the doors to the bathroom and bedroom, sat the large wardrobe and storage chest which they had finally decided to leave outside the bedroom so Qui would be able to dress there without disturbing Ben when his schedule was particularly erratic. They had ended up putting one laundry basket in the bedroom and another next to the wardrobe. The small, heavy gun safe for Qui's pistol was out of sight, tucked into the bottom corner inside the wardrobe next to the set of built-in shelves and drawers that lined the side.

Ben nodded as he looked around, well pleased with what he saw. He glanced at his watch and realized that he had at least a few hours before he could expect Qui back since the property manager had made the checkout appointment for ten. He looked around once more, smiled, then headed for the bedroom.

Nervous energy fueled Ben's spurt of work. He stripped the bed and gathered every piece of dirty laundry he could find into a bundle which he hauled upstairs to start in the washing machine. He came back and made the bed with Qui's flannel sheets, glad that Qui had owned queen-size sheets even though he'd had only a double bed. He allowed himself a few moments to stroke the soft blue fabric before adding one of Qui's dark blue blankets and a green comforter that Jane had supplied when Ben had first arrived. He tidied away any loose clothing and other items, frowning as he fingered the perilously thin leather of his engineer boots before setting them inside the closet next to the tall hunting boots and galoshes which Jane had passed on from her husband's old belongings. He smiled to himself as he lined up the bottles of lube and small stack of hand towels in the drawer of the nightstand which resided under the one window. Moving on to the bathroom, he re-cleaned every surface, crevice and crack before setting out fresh soap, two sets of towels and even a new roll of toilet paper. A quick trip upstairs to move wet clothes to the dryer, then he came back down to sweep the clean floor, lay in wood and kindling ready for an evening fire and set out candles on the mantel. He had already sent a lengthy email to Maureen the previous evening, so he decided against turning on his computer. Aside from the box of Qui's personal papers, the only big unpacking task remaining was to re-load the bookcases, but he couldn't remember exactly what things were supposed to go where, so he reluctantly deferred that task.

Since it was still only nine-thirty, Ben wandered upstairs to check on the laundry. Neither Jane nor Rafa was home, leaving Ben alone in the house. He remembered Qui's promise to join him for a ride, but realized he only had one helmet. He called Frank and asked if he could borrow a helmet; receiving an affirmative, he fired up Myrna and went for a ride.

When he got back at eleven after chatting a bit with Frank and stopping to put gas in his motorcycle, Ben found he was still alone. There was a note from Rafa on the whiteboard they had put on the door of the refrigerator, explaining that she had taken Cel out for a ride. Ben gathered the clean laundry from the dryer and put it away downstairs, but he was still restless. Finally, he changed into his oldest clothes and went out to work off some of the tasks on his list for the garden.

Wiping sweat from his face with the sleeve of his sweatshirt, Ben sighed seeing the filth on the fabric and realized he had probably smeared it all over his face. He straightened for a short rest, but when he turned, he found that he had an audience along the fence facing the barn. Planting his spade in the dirt, he walked over and stood in front of them, legs apart, hands on hips.

"Alright, if you two have got any snide comments about my gardening skills, get it over with now," he rasped.

Qui looked up at Rafa, who was sitting atop Cel, leaning forward to rest a forearm on the horn of her saddle.

"Actually, Rafa was just telling me how much your technique has improved this summer," remarked Qui with a determinedly straight face.

"Indeed," Rafa added gravely, "you have become much more efficient in wielding your implements of destruction."

Cel whickered and bobbed her head several times as if agreeing.

"Very funny." Ben scowled. "Show's over, so you comedians can take your act somewhere else."

Qui stepped closer to the fence with a grin. "If we didn't care, we wouldn't bother." He sniffed several times and wrinkled his nose. "Jaysus, what have you been rolling in, boyo?"

"Slipped and took a digger when I was turning the damned compost heap, so lay off."

"I do hope you're planning on taking a shower before you come to dinner."

Ben shot a rude gesture as he muttered very uncomplimentary things under his breath.

Rafa laughed as she sat up and gathered the reins. "Speaking of cleaning, I need to get Cel's stall taken care of as well as the cages for those cats we've got boarding this week." She waved as she began to turn away. "See you later."

Qui spread his arms and leaned his head to the side. "Peace?" When a dark look was his only response, he moved up to the fence and put a hand through the woven wire. "Love you," he said quietly.

That was the one thing Ben could not resist. He sighed, wiped his hands on his shirt, and moved close enough to take Qui's hand. "Sorry," he muttered. "I shouldn't be so sensitive."

"You have come a long way since I first met you, you know," said Qui softly. "In so many things."

"Maybe, but I feel like I've got such a very long journey still to go to figure out how to be a better person and straighten out some of the junk in my head."

"You know my answer to that, Ben." Qui raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, fucking 'patience' and her sister 'perseverance'," Ben groaned.

Qui grinned. "Actually, to change the subject a little, I have a couple of questions."

"Go ahead."

"I couldn't help but notice how clean everything was in the basement. The walls and floors were glowing so much I was almost afraid to take a piss in your pristine bathroom. Are you one of those neat freaks who's going to be following me around with a broom and an antiseptic wipe and sending me outside if I have to pass gas?"

"God, no!" Ben laughed. "You'd better remember what it looks like now because you'll probably never see the place that clean again. I was feeling restless this morning... and, well, I just wanted things to be nice for your first day here."

"Thank the saints," Qui said fervently. He continued with a sly grin. "We'll have to see if we can find something more interesting to use up all that excess energy."

"I don't think you'll need to worry about that," replied Ben with a leer.

"Another question, then." Qui still had a grin. "I've realized that I have no idea if or what you might like to drink. I picked up some red wine for dinner, but also decided to get a nice bottle of white wine and some beer for after dinner. If you prefer, we can stick to something non-alcoholic."

"I've pretty much given up heavy drinking because I feel so awful the next morning after I get really rip-shit. I do like an occasional beer or glass of wine rather than the hard stuff, so that will be nice; we can get the fire going in the fireplace and have the wine."

"Good." Qui reached up to trace a smear of dirt on Ben's cheek. "I'm going to go unpack those last boxes. Oh, and Jane said she wanted to eat at six-thirty if that's alright with you."

"That will be fine." Ben looked around. "I need to finish up out here, which will probably take me another hour or two, so could you let her know?"

"Certainly. See you later."

Ben watched until Qui had disappeared back into the house, lips quirked into a smile. He shook his head, and turned back to his labors.

**************** ***************

Tossing the book he had been half-heartedly reading onto his desk, Ben stood and stretched. He was feeling much calmer and almost mellow. The hard work had helped a lot, and Qui had intercepted him to suggest a Tai Chi session outside before he washed up. He'd initially had trouble centering, but Qui had patiently made him repeat the basic exercises until he was able to capture the proper focus. It was always a joy when they went through the forms together, and today had been no exception.

Ben had decided to indulge in a long, hot bath instead of his usual shower, allowing himself to enjoy soaking while he looked at the new touches that Qui had brought by populating the room with little things like his toothbrush, razor, comb and shampoo. He had been thoughtful as he thoroughly cleaned himself, paying very particular attention to his genitals and anus. It was late afternoon by the time he emerged, and he had retreated to the bedroom while Qui took a shower.

Ben leaned against the doorway and watched as Qui sat at his desk sorting papers into stacks as he pulled them from the box. Guitar music played softly from the small stereo which had been pushed to a corner of the desk. His eyes wandered to the display case, thinking about the feel of the practice sword Qui had let him once handle.

"If you have a question, please feel free to ask." Qui studied the form he held in front of him.

"How did you do that?" Ben went to stand between Qui and the display case.

"Do what?" Qui pulled his glasses off, laid them down on a stack of papers, and turned to face Ben.

"I know you didn't look, so how did you know I was there all the way across the room?"

"Situational awareness." Qui tilted his head, a half-smile on his lips.

"What?"

"That's how I think of it." Qui shrugged. "Basically, I have learned to focus internally while remaining aware of what is happening around me. I heard you when you walked to the doorway and I could hear you breathing so I knew you stopped there. I've started to become particularly attuned to your specific presence so I knew when your focus shifted from me to somewhere else. It is a very useful skill to have in my line of work."

"I guess it would be," Ben said doubtfully. "Sounds a little bit creepy, though."

"It's mostly a matter of practice in learning to focus and to fully observe and interpret your environment." He rubbed the edge of his chin thoughtfully. "If you reach a point where you can properly center for an extended time, I could probably teach you how to do it if you're interested. I suspect you already have a good focus when you're working on motorcycles; we would just need to train you to extend that to be able to keep that focus at the same time you keep track of your external stimuli."

Ben thought for a moment and realized he did get very intensely involved when he was doing maintenance, especially if there was a difficult or interesting problem to resolve. "I never thought of it that way," he said slowly, "but I think you're right. I'll have to consider it, I suppose."

"You do that." Qui smiled. "Anyway, did you have a question?"

"I was looking at the swords." Ben hesitated a moment. "I know you said you won't teach me any of the weapons until I'm further along, but could I at least see you doing the sword form?"

"A reasonable request," said Qui. He thought for a moment. "I'm a little out of practice, but it is something I would like to get back into. I'll start working on that, and in January or February when things are quiet, I can take you to see a friend of mine who teaches the Tai Chi martial arts. We can show you the 'two person pushing hands' forms I want to get you started on and also the staff and sword forms. Would you like that?"

"Definitely!" A great beaming smile burst forth as Ben pulled Qui up into a hug. "Thank you."

A long moment later Qui disentangled himself from Ben's lips. "You are welcome."

"That will be just so wicked pisser," Ben enthused. "I'll really be looking forward to that."

"Don't forget you have to keep working on the basics."

"Of course. That will make a great incentive, though." Ben glanced at his watch as a rumble in his stomach reminded him he had skipped lunch. "Dinner will be ready in a half hour. Let's go up and see if there's anything we can do to help."

"Hold it." Qui grabbed Ben's shirt before he could reach the open doorway. "I am under strict orders not to let you leave until we are summoned for the special birthday feast. Since I have no desire to lose my left testicle, you are staying put if I have to tie you up to do it."

"Don't be ridiculous," Ben scoffed. "Jane doesn't say things like that."

"She doesn't need to say the words." Qui cowered in mock terror. "She is a very determined woman and when she gets that certain look in her eyes, it would set a grizzly bear running." He straightened up with a smile and said dryly, "Actually, she threatened to make me eat my own cooking for a month, which is probably worse than losing a ball, now that I know what I would be missing."

That got a laugh from Ben and earned Qui another kiss. To help pass the time until they could leave, Qui put the box of papers between them, showed Ben how he was sorting and had Ben start putting the obvious items into stacks on the table. They worked in companionable silence, although Ben didn't make very fast progress due to his distraction with reading the various award letters and certificates.

A knock on the half-open door at the base of the stairs and a cleared throat announced Rafa's presence. She led them upstairs and smiled as she escorted them past the kitchen where they normally ate to the formal dining room and ushered them in.

Ben gasped and stood speechless. The antique mahogany dining table was covered with a lace tablecloth, china and sterling silver place settings, and silver candlesticks set with ivory candles. The sideboard held brightly wrapped gifts and the tantalizing odors of the bountiful banquet in fine china and silver servers had his mouth watering. He suddenly felt very under-dressed and inadequate; this was the kind of occasion for which his parents had made him wear a full suit and tie.

"This is... amazing," Ben said when he finally found his tongue. "You shouldn't have gone to all this trouble."

"Tweren't all that much trouble," said Jane, clearly pleased with the effect of her efforts. "Especially seeing as how it's kind of a double special occasion, what with Qui moving in."

"Thank you very much, Jane," said Qui as he discreetly pressed a hand into Ben's lower back. "It looks magnificent."

"Yes, thank you very much indeed," Ben said as he started forward. He smiled and shook his head. "Absolutely wicked pisser."

"Why don't you boys sit down and we'll get things started," said Jane as she lit the candles and turned down the lights.

"Yes, ma'am" was the chorus from both men as they made their way to the table.

The meal proved to be as remarkable as the setting. The fresh salad was accompanied by Jane's personal secret dressing, the home-made rolls were hot from the oven, vegetables were crisp and savory with the lightest touch of sauce, and the steaks and lobster tails were fork-tender with a heavenly flavor. The red wine that Qui had supplied was the perfect complement. Ben ate slowly, savoring the fantastic food and lively conversation, storing the event in his memory.

Afterward, he sat at the table sipping water while Jane and Rafa cleared the table for dessert. They had insisted that neither he nor Qui was allowed to help, so the two waited until the high-domed covered plate and the silver coffee and tea pots arrived.

"This is a very old pattern. Excellent quality, too," said Ben as he idly ran a finger around the rim of the saucer under his cup. He had been to enough dinner parties while growing up to become familiar with a large variety of fine dinnerware.

"China and silver belonged to my grandmother and then my mother added to it. We used to bring it out for Thanksgiving, Christmas and other special occasions," Jane remarked as she poured coffee. A wistful smile flitted across her face as she continued, "Been a while since I've had reason or desire to even look at it."

A sudden impulse sent Ben to his feet to give Jane a hug. "I appreciate this tremendously. Thank you."

"Here now, you'll be spilling the coffee," Jane chided, but there was a blush in her cheeks. "You're right welcome, son, but sit yourself down so we can get on with dessert."

"Yes, ma'am." Ben smiled and gave her arm a small squeeze before returning to his chair.

"Alright, if I can have everyone's attention," Jane announced once all had been served with coffee or tea. "First off tonight, we want to welcome Quilan Finn to our family. I look forward to having you with us for a lot of good years and wish you and Ben all the happiness you are hoping for."

"It is an honor and privilege to be here." Qui nodded graciously. "My thanks to you, Jane, for making a place in your home for me when I had to leave my own. To you, Rafa, for your kindness and friendship in accepting me." He turned his head and lightly brushed Ben's hand. "And, of course, my gratitude to you, Ben, for offering so much to me and for your exceptional persistence in getting me to accept what you offered."

There was a round of laughter, but Ben's throat was tight as he gazed into Qui's eyes and nodded.

"Now for our birthday boy." Jane pulled the cover off to reveal a large chocolate layer cake. She swiftly lit the 22 candles. "Altogether, everybody."

Ben ducked his head, a light blush on his cheeks as he listened to the singing of 'Happy Birthday'. When the song was over, he looked around the expectant faces.

"I don't know if I can add much to what Qui already said. I am immensely grateful to you, ma'am, for taking me in and helping me out so much all these months. I still may not always be able to tell the weeds from the vegetables, but I have definitely gotten better at digging them up." He paused while Jane laughed. "Rafa, I hope we become even better friends, and I'll be there whenever you need help with math." Rafa returned his smile with one of her own. "Quilan Finn, you are the greatest gift I could receive, and if you don't already know what my birthday wish is, then I haven't been nearly persistent enough."

A flush of warm gladness rolled through Ben as Qui laughed, an open-mouthed chuckle of joyful acceptance. Ben winked as he bent to blow out the candles. He heard a low whisper from Qui as Jane began cutting slices of cake while Rafa retrieved gifts.

"Truly a one-track mind, Mr. Kennan."

Ben let the tip of his tongue peek out the corner of his mouth as he grinned at his ranger, then resumed a relatively decorous mien as he looked at the first present.

"To Ben from Rafa." He tore open the paper on the large box, opening it to pull out insulated bib overalls and a matching blue jacket. A scarf, hat and gloves completed the outfit.

"It gets very cold here sometimes," Rafa explained. She smiled as she continued, "I wouldn't want you to have an excuse for not shoveling snow when it's your turn."

Ben laughed and thanked her, resisting his instinctive urge to protest the expense of the gift in favor of accepting her generosity, glad to see how much more comfortable she seemed to be with him.

The next box was also large and was from Jane. Ben lifted the long-sleeved sweater from the top for all to admire.

"You seem to like those black t-shirts so much I figured black would be something you'd enjoy," said Jane.

"It's great," said Ben as he pulled it over his head. "Fits great too." He looked in the box, pulling out a layer of paper to reveal gleaming new engineer boots, complete with heavy-duty patches across the front where the motorcycle clutch would hit them. "Ohhhhh," he breathed as he ran a finger down the smooth black leather. "They're beautiful." He had to take off his sneakers and try them on, standing up to let his weight settle into them. "They fit perfectly," he marveled. "How did you manage that?"

"Well, I sort of know a man who does leather work, and we took the liberty of going into your room one day a while back when you were over at Qui's place to get the measurements. The door was open, so I hope you don't mind."

"Mind? How could I mind? They're absolutely awesome." He sped around the table to wrap Jane in a big hug. "Thank you very much." On his way back to his seat he paused to hug Rafa too for good measure.

"You need to open that little one exactly at seven-fifteen," said Jane. "You'd best get on with it if we're going to be on time."

"Open it at exactly seven-fifteen?" Ben turned the box over in his hands; it was from his sister, which meant there was no telling what it might be. He shook it a little but nothing rattled, so he shrugged and waited until the second hand on his watch moved to the top before ripping off the paper. As he began pulling the top off the box, the tune of Fur Elise started sounding. Ben grinned as he plucked a cell phone from the crumple of red silk; that had been one of his favorite pieces when he had been learning the piano and he had played it endlessly to annoy his big sister. He opened the sleek instrument and put it to his ear.

"Hello?"

"Happy Birthday, little brother! Hope you're having a good one."

"Hey, Maureen! It's terrific to hear from you, and yes, it's an incredibly amazing birthday. You can't believe how kind everybody has been. We had the most sensational dinner that Jane fixed, even better than that place you used to drag us to for your birthdays. And I've gotten the most perfect gifts from everybody."

"I'm glad to hear that, Ben. And don't you be getting any scruples about accepting the phone, you dufus. I paid for it myself out of my summer intern job, the phone itself and a year's service contract. The charger and stuff is in the bottom of the box."

"Thanks, Maureen, you're wonderful. I don't know how to repay you."

"You do that by calling me on the damned thing. I swear you are so dim sometimes, little bro."

Ben smiled at the familiar teasing. "Thanks, I will. Things going well with you?"

"School's great and I'm having a blast. Everything else is pretty much the same, and we won't be going there."

"I'm glad grad school is what you were hoping for." Ben gratefully heeded the other half of her comments.

"Look, I don't want to keep you since I know you've got people there. We can talk some more later. Before I go, though, I want to talk to that Quilan Finn you've been telling me about."

Ben handed the phone to Qui. "She wants to talk to you."

"Me?" Qui raised an eyebrow but took the phone. The conversation on his end was short, consisting only of "Hello," "Yes, I do," "Understood," and "Yes, ma'am, I'll do that," before handing the phone back. "I'll tell you about it later," Qui said as he blew out a heavy breath and shook his head.

"Maureen? Ben again. Thanks for the phone, and for being such a great sister. Love you."

"Love you too, Ben. You enjoy the rest of your birthday and we'll talk later. 'Bye."

There was still one gift left, so Ben put the phone back in the box to examine later in more detail. He opened the flat container and extracted an oversized book.

"100 Years." Ben eagerly opened the grey cover emblazoned with the Harley-Davidson logo, skimming through several sections, exclaiming over the stories and illustrations. He looked up, a huge grin splitting his face. "It's a history of Harley-Davidson since 1903 by the grandson of one of the original founders."

"I thought the pictures were nice," Qui shrugged. "Maybe you can read it to Myrna and tell her about her forebears."

"It's brilliant, just totally brilliant." Ben hugged Qui, then sat down to admire the book again. "Thanks. I love it."

They settled in to have cake and ice cream, admiring the various gifts while Ben continued to enthuse. The candles flickered as they burned low and eventually the last bites of cake and last sips of coffee or tea were taken.

"'Twas was a magnificent meal, Jane," said Qui as he pushed his plate away. "I don't think I could eat another thing."

"It's nice to do for your friends, especially for a special occasion like this."

"I'd like to thank all of you," said Ben with an expansive wave of both arms. "I think this has been the best birthday ever. I am immeasurably grateful for having such good friends."

After brief acknowledgements, Ben began to stack his cup and plate. Rafa batted his hand away with a smile. "Cleanup is part of the service tonight." She gathered several dishes and headed for the kitchen.

Jane came over and stood between the two men. "Happy Birthday, Ben. Rafa and I will handle things up here, so I want you and Qui to take yourselves downstairs and enjoy the rest of your special day." She leaned down and kissed each of them on a cheek. "No need to be up any particular time in the morning, boys. Good night." She nodded, then took the remainder of the cake and followed Rafa into the kitchen.

Ben's mouth went dry as the realization of what was coming next hit him. He looked at Qui and found a mirror of his own bashful little smile.

"I think we have just been kicked out of the room," said Qui. He stood up and stretched but made no move to depart.

"Yeah, we'd just be in the way up here if we stayed." Ben sat in his chair a moment longer as he put his new acquisitions back in their boxes, except for the sweater and boots he was still wearing. He rose and picked up the containers, then took a deep breath and headed for the stairs.

Chapter Twenty-Eight is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/30488.html

FIC: Master's Voice, 25/28 (hopefully fixed)

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 21:11:24 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§ Chapter Twenty-Five §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They decided to charge ahead before either or both of them lost their nerve. Qui followed Ben back to Jane's house. Ben breathed a sigh of relief when he pulled open the garage door and saw her truck safely ensconced inside. He noticed that Rafa's Subaru was in the carport, then remembered that on Mondays she had only two early morning classes. The two men met in the garage for a fortifying hug before sauntering casually into the kitchen.

"Good morning, ma'am," said Ben.

Jane turned from the counter where she was cutting up vegetables. She dumped them into a large bowl of cold water, then grabbed a towel to wipe her hands.

"Good morning to you, Ben." She smiled. "And it's good to see you again, Mr. Finn. Sit down and let me get you boys some tea."

"Qui, please. Thank you, ma'am."

Qui sat at the table while Ben set out cups and spoons for all three of them. They exchanged glances while Jane poured.

"Is this a new blend?" Qui asked after a sip. "It's got a very good flavor."

"Decided to try some of that red tea I've been hearing about. It's supposed to have antioxidants and such." Jane set her cup down and folded her hands. "So, what brings you boys here together this morning?"

Ben cleared his throat. "Um, I –"

"We," Qui interjected firmly.

"Right, WE want to talk to you about a situation." Ben rubbed his chin.

"I'm listening, son."

"You see, this morning I got a certified letter from the man who owns the place I've been renting," said Qui. "His wife is sick and they want to come back and live there, so my lease is being terminated as of the end of October."

"My goodness, that's terrible. For both of you. That poor woman." Jane reached over to touch Qui's hand. "You've lived there quite a long time, haven't you?"

"Over fifteen years. It's going to seem very strange to move somewhere else."

"Moving can be downright stressful." Jane nodded thoughtfully. "Any thoughts yet on where you might be looking to head to?"

There was a short silence as Ben and Qui glanced at each other.

"If it's alright with you, ma'am, I've asked Qui to move in with me," said Ben. He rubbed his hands on his jeans under the table. "We were hoping we could work out a deal for the whole basement so he could bring his own stuff over."

"Living together..." Jane looked slowly back and forth between the two men. "That's a pretty serious step. Had a lot of married years under my belt, so to speak; they were good years but not always easy years living with another person."

"Yes, ma'am," Ben replied. "We know it will need a lot of give and take, but we intend to work hard at it."

"There's only one bedroom," Jane observed.

Qui took Ben's hand and held it on top of the table. "One will do fine."

Ben smiled shyly as he squeezed Qui's hand.

"Then that's fine with me, and I'm happy for both of you. We can put a door in at the base of the stairs, too, to give you some more privacy."

"Before we go any further, I do have to tell you that my weapon comes home with me," said Qui. "I have a gun safe for it, but I don't know if that will bother you."

"Oh Lordy, no." Jane laughed. "Menfolk in my family have been hunters as long as there have been Brandons in these parts. My Roger was with the sheriff's department, and we always had guns in the house until he passed away. Used to go shooting at the range with him, and could take the things apart blindfolded."

"Sounds like the two of you will have to give me some pointers about gun safety," said Ben with a smile.

"There is another very important question that's got to be taken care of before we can finalize this living together business," said Jane.

"What's that, ma'am?" Ben asked.

"This is also Rafa's home. I don't think of either of you as just boarders; we're all like a family here." Jane looked pointedly at Ben, then Qui. "If you're wanting to be living and sleeping together, it's only fair that she understands what is going on and is comfortable with it. You talk to her, and if she agrees we'll figure out the details."

Ben nodded and looked at Qui. "She's right. That would be the only fair thing to do. This is Rafa's home just as much as it's mine."

"Alright. Is she here now?" asked Qui. "I'd like to know one way or the other what we're going to be able to do."

"I saw her head for the barn after she got back from school a half hour ago," said Jane. She smiled as they stood up. "Good luck."

Rafa was in the corral, standing in the middle with Celesta on a lunge line. Ben and Qui sat on the fence and watched as Rafa put the mare through three different gaits in different directions, then took the line off and repeated the drill, talking to her constantly with praise, corrections or directions.

"She's even worse than you when we're in session," Ben joked.

"Worse than who?"

Ben looked up to see Rafa at eye level next to him as she sat bareback atop Cel and was caught speechless.

"Pay no attention to him," said Qui dryly. "He's trying to intimate that I make him work too hard when I'm attempting to pound a few rudiments of Tai Chi into his thick skull."

"You know Tai Chi, Mr. Finn?" Rafa's eyes lit up. "I've been taking a class at university for my PE requirement, but I feel like such a klutz trying to do those turns. Can you recommend some references that might help?"

"I think I could do that, or perhaps even look at what you're trying to do if I'm here while Ben is practicing." Ben started to interrupt, but Qui stuck an elbow in his ribs. "You have a very nice rapport with your horse. Perhaps you could even teach her a few of the movements."

"Thank you." Rafa ducked her head as she leaned to pat the mare's neck. "Cel is tremendously smart, and so wonderful to work with." The horse shook her head as if agreeing.

Qui smiled as he rubbed Cel's nose. "She knows it, too." He reached up to scratch behind her ears.

Ben cleared his throat. "Actually, Rafa, we need to speak to you if you have a few minutes."

"Of course." Rafa straightened but did not dismount. "What did you want to talk about?"

"It's a personal and sensitive issue," said Qui carefully. "We would really appreciate it if you don't mention this to anyone else except Jane."

"Is this something Jane already knows about?"

"Yes, we talked to her first, and she wanted us to discuss it with you."

"Well." Rafa looked puzzled, then nodded. "Alright."

Ben took a deep breath, looked at Qui, then back at Rafa. "Qui and I have become very good friends the last few months. He's been helping me with some personal issues and teaching me Tai Chi."

"Today I got a letter letting me know my lease is being terminated and I'll have to move," added Qui. "Ben has offered to let me move in and share the basement if Jane approves. We talked to Jane, and she wants to make sure you don't have a problem with that arrangement."

"I'm sorry to hear about your lease," said Rafa. "I like Ben, and you've been very nice to me. Why should I mind?"

"We would be living together in the basement. As in, um... sleeping together." Ben swallowed and took another deep breath. "I'm gay, Rafa. Qui and I love each other, and we want to be together."

"Sleeping together as in having... sex?" Rafa asked very slowly.

They nodded.

Rafa stared at Qui. "I saw you when everybody came to build the corral. Not to be disrespectful, but the women... I mean... you don't..."

"I can assure you it was a big surprise to me when I finally realized how I felt about Ben," said Qui with a wry smile. "I've liked women all my life, and I'm quite the latecomer to this new game."

"Oh." Rafa crossed her arms across her chest and looked down at Cel as she tilted her head, brow furrowed.

Ben waited anxiously as he watched Rafa struggling with this unexpected concept. He reached out and met Qui's hand reaching for his. They smiled at each other, then turned their heads back toward Rafa.

"I think that if I was still in the Catholic church, I would have been very uncomfortable with the idea," Rafa said as she looked at their joined hands. She paused, rubbing one hand along Cel's withers. "I have been through a lot since then... Reverend Jenkins says that everyone has good inside them, and I have seen how different people can work together to help each other." She looked toward the house, then back at the two men. She nodded to herself. "I know Jane is very tolerant, and it is her house, so if she doesn't mind, then I guess I don't mind either."

"Are you sure?" Ben asked. "We'll try to be discreet, but it is kind of right in your face, like when you have to look at us at the same table for meals. If we do anything that bothers you, I want you to know that you are free to tell us off."

"As long as you aren't doing it on the kitchen table or in the barn and scaring Cel, then I think I can get used to it." Rafa smiled shyly.

Ben laughed at the unexpected comeback. "Thank you, Rafa. This really means a lot to us, and we'll try to be good housemates."

"My thanks also," Qui added. "Could you do one more favor for us, and come let Jane know?"

"Of course." Rafa slid down from Cel as Ben and Qui jumped to the ground. "I'm sure she'll want to see all of us anyway to sort out the house rules if we're all going to be one big happy family."

Ben and Qui both hugged Rafa, who looked a bit overwhelmed. They walked back to the house to start planning their new future together.

**************** ***************

"I have to say that our Mrs. Brandon is a remarkably generous woman," said Qui as he stood at the foot of the stairs, one arm around Ben's shoulders, while they surveyed the large basement and its jumble of boxes, bags and cloth-covered lumps. "She's letting us have all this space plus part of the loft in the barn for a woodworking shop."

"She is a very good-hearted woman," Ben replied as he wrapped an arm around Qui's waist. "Also very practical, though, and a great believer in the win-win scenario. She wasn't really using the space for anything but storage, so we gain by having a place for us to live at a lower individual cost than what either of us was paying, with nice perks like the kitchen and laundry, and she gains by having another helping hand around the house plus more income. It was nice of her to reduce the rent in return for chores; a regular landlord probably wouldn't be willing to do that." He turned his head up to look at Qui. "Although I still think you should have let me pay a little bigger share."

"We went through that already. I'm taking up at least two-thirds of the total space and I make significantly more money than you, so I will pay two-thirds of the rent. We can revisit it next year if you like. And we wouldn't need the new door or the fireplace cleaned if I wasn't moving in, so it's only right that I pay for those things."

"Alright, I suppose I can deal with that, since it means I can start saving a little more for college." Ben leaned in closer. "That was a good idea you had about putting money in every month for groceries and letting Jane take care of shopping and cooking. It didn't always quite work out when everybody sort of did their own ad hoc thing, and we can still buy other food or go out if we want something different."

"I am a most indifferent and irregular cook, and this is a wonderful opportunity." Qui kissed the top of Ben's head. "Jane's cooking was really the only reason why I wanted to live here, of course."

"Hey," Ben squawked, "I thought I was supposed to be the main attraction."

Qui turned Ben around and pushed him against the wall, then kissed him hard until he had Ben gasping for breath.

"I suppose I could manage to put up with you for dessert." A wicked smile graced Qui's lips as he braced himself against the wall with both outstretched arms.

"You sorry bastard." Ben sucked in more air to calm his racing pulse. He reached for another kiss but his effort was frustrated when Qui stepped back.

"Tsk, tsk, that's 'you sorry bastard, SIR'." Qui shook his head. "Sister Ursula would be ashamed of your manners, boy."

"And people call ME a smartass," Ben muttered darkly.

"It's not only smart but also a very hot arse, and I'm looking forward to getting better acquainted with it," Qui said with a deadpan expression.

"You –" It took a moment for the words to register as Ben looked at Qui, then he dissolved in laughter, leaning back for support. When he caught his breath, he shook his head helplessly. "I can see there is a lot I still need to learn about you."

"And vice versa, I'm sure." Qui's eyes darkened and his lips thinned. "There are parts of me that I only allow those closest to me to know about, and I do have a lot of faults that you haven't really seen yet, Ben. If you have any doubts at all, there's still time to change things."

"Life is full of doubts. There are two things of which I am truly certain, however." Ben took Qui's hand, brought it to his mouth, and softly kissed the palm. "One, I love you." He kissed the palm again. "Two, that if I don't do this now, I will regret it for the rest of my life."

Qui caressed Ben's cheek with his thumb as he looked into his eyes. "I love you, too, Ben Kennan." He bestowed a light kiss and regretfully pulled back. He continued briskly. "Right now we've got work to be doing, though, to sort out everything that's here so Jane can decide what she wants to save or recycle and what we might want to be keeping. I've got several hours until I need to leave, so we should be able to get a good first look at what we have to deal with."

"Yes, sir." Ben gave a mock salute. "I already know I want to hang on to the weight set. It's very handy for workouts." He looked around the generous space. "How much do you actually have that you will be bringing over?"

"There are my tools and projects in the back room, but that will all go into the barn. Everything you saw in the living room is mine, so that will come." Qui thought for a moment, eyes narrowed. "There is a wardrobe I built, which will give us some extra closet space, the small table and four chairs in the kitchen... other than that it's mostly clothes, linens, a few dishes, my outdoor gear and things like that. The appliances and the rest of the furniture stay with the house, although I was thinking it might be nice to have a small refrigerator down here for cold drinks and snacks."

"Sounds like everything should fit pretty easily, with plenty of room left over if we find something here we want to keep." Ben was looking around and starting to pull dust cloths off.

"Ben?"

"Hmm?"

"How big is your bed?"

Ben straightened and turned, a glint in his eyes. "I wasn't aware we were already at that point."

"I'm taller than you, in case you hadn't noticed," Qui said with an exasperated snort. "If we're going to need a bigger bed, we should plan for that now."

"Let me show you around, and you can judge for yourself. Over there in the far wall next to the weight machine," Ben pointed, "is our private door to the outside. This, of course, is the main living area," said Ben with a bow and flourish. "That door on your right as you come down from the stairs is the furnace and hot water heater, and this door on the other side of the stairs, my good man, is our bathroom." Ben opened a wooden door.

Qui stepped inside and stopped short. "Jaysus, did they swim in that damned thing?"

"You have to remember that the whole basement was used by Jane's son up until the time he joined the Marines and left home. He and his father built the bedroom and bathroom. Jane doesn't talk about him much, but from the pictures I gather that he wasn't quite as tall as you but was heftier, like a football linebacker. Hence the weightlifting outfit. And the big bathtub." Ben waggled an eyebrow. "It does present certain interesting possibilities, don't you think?"

"Hedonist," Qui mocked, looking around. "Oh well, plenty of room to sort out toothbrushes and towels."

They moved to the next door.

"Here is the 'piece de resistance'," Ben announced with a smile. He watched as Qui took two paces in and paused, staring at the bed.

"I think it's actually bigger than the one I have now," Qui said, still rooted to the spot.

"Very solid, too. The young man apparently brought his boy and girl friends down here for playtime."

Qui blinked, turned his head. "Come again?"

"As best as I can determine, Richard Brandon was discreetly bisexual." Ben shrugged. "Probably helps explain why Jane doesn't have issues with gay people."

"I see." Qui nodded as he looked around the rest of the room. "Everything looks like good heavy-duty wood. It will be nice having a desk in here and another out in the main room so we can both do work, especially after you start school again."

"Good point." Ben sat down sideways in the desk chair. "I don't have much stuff, so it'll be easy to clear out half the drawers and closet for you, and we can figure out where to put the wardrobe."

Qui stepped to the end of the bed and was staring at it again.

"You can try it if you want," said Ben quietly. He watched intently as a range of emotions played over Qui's face. "If you don't like the mattress, we can look for a different one."

"That's the bed we're going to share..."

Ben stood and walked over to Qui. He reached up to hold Qui's face between his hands. "This time it's my turn to ask you not to do something if you're not completely comfortable with it. I can wait."

"No, I don't want to wait." Qui smiled. "That was just reality starting to sink in. In any event, we've got a month to sort things out." He took Ben's hands between his own. "Given the limited free time we have available, I think it will take a couple of weeks to get everything cleaned up on this end. After that I'm scheduled for a long patrol for several days, and the last part of October we can pack up my stuff and get it all moved over. I'll try to get a couple of days' leave for that last part of the move." He looked sternly at Ben. "And don't think you're getting out of doing Tai Chi sessions because of this, young man."

"Yes, sir. Sounds like a plan." Ben ducked his head. "Umm... I don't remember if I've mentioned it, but my birthday is at the end of October."

"That is wonderful timing, then. Let's see if we can make it an occasion to remember." Qui smiled as he pulled Ben close for a long sweet kiss.

Chapter Twenty-Six is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/29721.html

FIC: Master's Voice, 26/28

Mon, 22 Jun 2009 20:45:50 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§ Chapter Twenty-Six §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben felt like he was getting an education in advanced time management as summer ended and fall began closing in. He had to put in overtime at work to cover the gap in people while Frank continued his search for new part-time help, the garden demanded extra attention as the last surge of ripening took place, his previous commitments to UPA had to be honored, and he could not neglect his daily workouts. In the basement the sorting and rearranging continued, Qui insisted on fitting in their Tai Chi sessions, and he began helping with packing of Qui's possessions. Much of the next month flashed by, only highlights remaining in his memory of that tumultuous period.

***

"Archhoo!"

"Gesundheit," said Qui.

"I don't think most of this stuff has been touched in years." Ben wiped his nose with the back of his hand as he surveyed the sorted stacks. "Aside from the weights, without knowing what's really in all those boxes the only thing I've seen so far that I'd want to keep might be those rugs, the fireplace tools, and that wooden storage chest."

"Seems reasonable. Might want to save that brown armchair since it's in such excellent condition; it would go well with my sofa. If that one box actually contains lamps, we should ask Jane about those; another floor lamp or two would be useful."

"How're things coming along, boys?" Jane asked as she came down the stairs with two large glasses of iced tea.

"We're making good progress. Thanks, ma'am," said Ben, taking a welcome gulp.

"We've got things arranged so you can start looking in the boxes now," said Qui. "There are only a few pieces we'd probably like to hang on to, and we can help move the rest upstairs to the attic if you like. We didn't want to pry into the boxes since we weren't sure if the labels were all correct."

Jane took a quick perusal of the various stacks. "Way past time I should have been getting rid of most of this, but I think the labels were pretty accurate. I'll open the boxes tomorrow and check to be sure." She waved a hand at several grey cartons. "You should think about the household things in case you want some extra towels or dishes or such; most of that I'll be giving to the church for their loan closet." She wandered a little further. "All the ones labeled as my clothes or Roger's things will probably go to the thrift store or the church. In one of Roger's boxes there should be a right nice set of hunting knives and other gear. You're welcome to any of that you might like."

"Thanks. We'll check out whatever you're willing to pass on," said Qui.

Jane looked up from the boxes. "Ben, are you going to be sticking with your Forest volunteer work?"

"Yes, ma'am, I certainly intend to."

"You'll need proper outdoor boots and clothes, probably a rain slicker too. I'll keep an eye out for some things that might fit you when I do the sorting."

"I appreciate that, ma'am," said Ben.

"I'll have to take a closer look at these." Jane stopped in front of a set of cardboard boxes of various sizes. "I'm not sure what Richard left behind after he enlisted." She ran her fingers over the top box, shifted them around to get a better look. She picked up a very heavily taped rectangular box about a foot high and about a foot and a half long. She looked down at the bold black handwriting for a long moment before raising her head.

"Oh, dear," she said as her cheeks flushed red. "That boy surely had his father's sense of humor..." She raised a hand to wipe her eyes.

"Is something wrong, ma'am?" Ben asked. He had never seen the woman this flustered.

Jane thrust the box into Qui's hands. "I've got a real good notion what sorts of things are in there and I'd just as soon not deal with any of it. You can open the box or not as you want and welcome to it. If you don't want whatever's there, I'd take it kindly if you'd dispose of the things." She started for the stairs.

Ben and Qui looked at the label, which brashly proclaimed the contents to be 'Big Dick's Big Boy Toys'.

"Dick was Richard?" Ben asked.

Jane paused at the foot of the stairs. "Some of his friends used that nickname when they thought I wasn't around." She shook her head. "It was... well, never mind." She fled up the stairs.

Qui looked at Ben.

Ben looked at Qui.

They both looked back down at the box.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Qui asked softly.

"Oh, yeah. My brain's right down there in that particular gutter."

Qui gave a half snort as Ben grabbed the box, sat down on a small sagging couch and pulled out his pocket tool to begin sawing open the tape. Qui sat down beside Ben to watch.

"Holy shit!" Ben stared down into the opened box.

"I thought I'd been around a little, but I don't even know what some of that is." Qui gawked, mouth half open.

Ben had a huge grin as he looked up at Qui. "I think I would have loved to have met Dick Brandon."

***

"There we go." Qui swung the door back and forth slowly. "That latch will hold it open out of the way, or we can use the lock if we want privacy."

"Nice job," said Ben. "I would have been at it a lot longer if I had tried to put that door in myself."

"Goes fast with two people and the right tools," Qui said absently as he cleaned up after himself.

"Yes, sir." Ben turned around and surveyed their domain. Except for the items they had asked to keep, everything else had been swept away by a volunteer team from Jane's church. The hardwood floors gleamed with a fresh coat of wax and a stand of iron tools stood neatly by the newly cleaned fireplace.

"Looks huge when it's empty." Qui put an arm around Ben.

"I think we'll still have quite a bit of room after we get all of your things moved in. If you agree, I was thinking the fireplace should be focus of that end of the room and we could arrange the sofa and chairs to face it."

"Good idea. We can lay out a floor plan for everything next time I'm over." Qui looked around. "If we arranged it properly, we could probably do Tai Chi in here in a pinch, but I think that center section of the barn would be much better when the weather is really bad."

"I could see that." Ben gazed at the fireplace, envisioning long winter evenings in front of it. "You know, that's quite a large rocking chair you built."

"'Tis very sturdy, and big enough for two."

Ben looked up at Qui, and buried the sly grin in a kiss.

***

The big house was silent as the clock ticked toward midnight. Ben had felt tired in the morning after an unexpectedly long set at UPA the previous evening, and it had been a longer day than normal with twelve busy hours at Midway, two hours in the garden, an hour helping Rafa with calculus and a hard workout to keep his mind off Qui's fourth day of absence out on patrol somewhere in the Keo. Hair still wet from a shower, Ben stood naked in the middle of his bedroom. He held Qui's old t-shirt in his left hand as he stared at the bed.

The bed he would soon be sharing with Quilan Finn.

A quiver ran through him at the prospect, and Ben finally understood what Qui had meant about reality starting to sink in.

***

"Jaysus, but you taste good!"

Ben laid his head back to let Qui's questing tongue have free access. After a long run they had stopped to visit Manus. Once a load of apples was safely stowed in each of their backpacks, Qui had clearly decided it was time for a little interactive exploration.

"Mmmgmgm," Ben moaned as Qui's tongue dipped into his ear. Electricity jolted his spine as nips to his ear were followed by a hard kiss. With tongue. Hot, exquisite, wet tongue while a hand sneaked under his t-shirt and rubbed his belly.

Soft lips moved down Ben's neck and back around to his ear as two hands raised the sweat-soaked t-shirt up his torso. There was a pause as Qui pulled the shirt completely off, but the brief rush of cool air quickly turned to warmth as Qui attacked Ben's nipples with tongue and fingers.

Ben squirmed as the heat built up and blood began roaring in his ears. He pushed back blindly and rolled Qui onto his back. He dove under the bottom of Qui's t-shirt, kissing and licking the expanse of hot flesh, moving upward to suck on hard nubs. He grabbed the shirt and hauled it over Qui's head, momentarily trapping his lover's arms in its folds as he captured his mouth in a long lush kiss.

Qui fought free, ripping the shirt away, and wrapped his arms around Ben. They rolled and wrestled, kissing, hands roaming freely, bare skin hot and slippery, laughing at a mis-timed nip, rubbing, fondling, licking, caressing.

Ben looked down at his lover's flushed face. He was straddled across Qui's groin, breathing hard, his heart hammering. His hands were braced on Qui's broad shoulders; he could feel Qui's hands gripping his hips.

He also felt the hard flesh that strained against his own erection through the intervening layers of cloth.

They stared at each other, faces taut with lust. The moment seemed to stretch forever, until finally Ben caught the flicker of uncertainty hiding in his lover's eyes. He shuddered and carefully moved off to lie next to Qui.

Qui shifted up onto one elbow and leaned over. "Thank you," he whispered before bestowing a light kiss. "Soon, my love, soon."

***

"I didn't mind all those tools even if I don't know what half of them are, but why the hell did we have to bring all of that old wood? It was fucking heavy hauling it up those stairs," Ben complained as they crossed the back yard.

"They are all pieces I've been saving for projects. It has to be the right kind and has to be aged properly." Qui opened the back door to the kitchen. "Anyway, after we fix that hoist in the barn, we won't have to carry the heavy stuff up and down stairs."

"I still think –" Ben stopped short at the sight of the guests sitting at the table with Jane. He took a swipe at the sweat and dirt on his face. "Hello. I didn't know you were here."

"Just came by to drop off some things and to snarfle some fresh veggies from the garden," said Linda Grant. She gave Qui a frank up-and-down. "You going to introduce us to that lovely hunk of man?"

Ben flushed but Qui just seemed bemused as he looked at the two women.

"Uh, yes, ma'am. This is my friend Quilan Finn," he waved in Qui's general direction. "Qui, this is Elizabeth McCormack and Linda Grant."

"Liz, please," she said as Qui shook her hand. "And don't mind Linda, she burned out the discretion filter in her brain a long time ago."

Linda laughed as she stood to give Qui a big hug. "If he doesn't know he's hot by now, honey, then I'm doing him a favor by enlightening him."

Qui smiled as he looked back at Ben. Jane was not doing a very good job of holding her own laughter.

"Liz and Linda are friends of Jane's," Ben said. "They're, um..." He stopped, not sure how much he should say.

Linda took Qui's arm and leaned in. "The poor boy is trying to figure out if he's allowed to tell you that we are flaming lezzies." She winked. "Don't worry, it's okay. Liz and I have been lovers a hell of a lot longer than I like to think about."

It was Qui's turn to laugh as he hugged Linda again. "I appreciate your confiding in me." He jumped a little as Linda copped a very generous feel of his rear.

"Hey," Ben protested, "that's mine."

"Just because you're not buying doesn't mean you can't admire the merchandise," said Linda loftily, spoiling the effect by the little grin she couldn't hide.

"Ben does get a bit jealous," said Qui, although the smile was a little wary.

Liz raised an eyebrow as she looked at Jane, who nodded.

"We are the fossils Jane used to convince Ben that she didn't mind people of different 'persuasions' when he was moping in the throes of unrequited love," Liz said quietly. "We have not and will not tell anyone else that the two of you have decided to get together. The decision on if and when to come out is absolutely yours to make, and we respect that."

"Ah, thank you for the clarification." Qui took Ben's hand. "I'm still new to this experience and wasn't quite sure what was going on."

"Don't worry about us," Liz said dryly, "if you have any questions, I'm sure Linda will be happy to expound at great and wearying length."

"It's a good thing I love you, dear," Linda pouted before leaning down to kiss Liz's cheek.

Jane insisted everyone stay for lunch. Qui exerted his considerable skills in charming all three women, and Linda demonstrated that she actually could keep things lively and funny without getting too personal. Ben was left alone with the female trio shortly after they finished eating as Qui had to leave for a promised visit to talk to a group of scouts at the Wildlife Conservation Center.

Ben wasn't sure he liked the gleam in Linda's eye as she took a sip of coffee.

"So, Ben, give us the juicy details. Your new man is absolutely delicious, but have you got him into bed yet and who's the top?"

His face felt like an open furnace as Ben's fears were realized. His mouth opened but nothing came out.

"Linda, that's none of our business."

"Hey, I'm just saying what we're all thinking," Linda retorted. "It's obvious both of those lovely studs are tops in a major way, sugar."

Liz sighed and shook her head ruefully. "Ben, you don't have to answer any of that."

"Yes, that's right," Jane added, pursing her lips.

"No, it's... " Ben cleared his throat. "It's alright. We haven't actually... gone all the way yet."

"That is so sweet, Ben. I didn't think anyone actually still said that these days," Linda said. "You are planning to do it, right?"

Liz shot an acid glance at Linda, who just raised an eyebrow.

"Well, the topic has come up..." Ben mumbled as he slid lower in his chair. While he appreciated the openness of their support, he didn't feel comfortable discussing an issue he hadn't even resolved with Qui yet. "But we haven't made a final decision yet about... things."

"Ben?"

He looked up at the concerned tone of Liz's voice.

"Yes, ma'am?"

"You have at least discussed this with Qui, haven't you? He seems like a good man, and I certainly got the impression he cares for you a great deal, but that's too important an issue to just leave up in the air if you are both serious about a long-term relationship."

"We have talked about it," Ben said slowly. "We do understand that it's important." He sighed. "Linda is right; we're both basically tops. We've talked about sharing, taking turns... it's the getting started part we haven't quite figured out yet."

"All levity aside, Ben, if you need help or just want someone to talk to about it, we're here," said Linda. "I've seen too many friendships torn apart because they couldn't come to terms with the physical part of the relationship, and I'd hate to see that happen to you and Qui."

Liz nodded. "Or if you'd rather talk to a man, we know several gay couples in the area. It might help to talk to someone who has been in your position... so to speak."

"Thanks." Ben nodded slowly. "I'll talk to Qui again, but I'll keep your offer in mind."

Ben sat at the table thinking long after all three women left to pick a basket of vegetables in the garden.

***

The door latch quietly clicked as Qui came in through their private door.

"Sorry about heading out so abruptly; I wasn't meaning to leave you with all the work." Qui shrugged and smiled apologetically. "I was stuck inside all day doing paperwork and just had to get out in the fresh air for a little walk."

"It's alright." Ben leaned back in the padded armchair they had kept, one leg draped over an arm of the chair. "I was just sitting and thinking." He contemplated the sight before him: long legs in loose jeans, brown leather jacket open over a tank top, a few sprinkles of gray in the chocolate hair growing out of its last cut, corners of the mouth barely lifted, blue eyes in a quizzical crinkle. Ben tilted his head with a whimsical half smile.

"Good thoughts, I take it?" Qui quirked an eyebrow.

"Mmmhhmm." Ben let his eyes rest on the hands tucked into the waistband of the jeans. "You were wearing that jacket the first time I ever saw you. It was at UPA. You were leaning on the counter when I came in, your hands folded together, and I knew you were everything I had dreamed of." He shook his head. "That first time we shook hands, it was like an electric shock running through me." Ben snorted. "I could have come in my pants if you hadn't finally let go."

"I remember." Qui nodded slowly. "Even that first time I felt something - a tingle that I didn't understand." He smiled as he shrugged out of his jacket and set it aside. "Took me a while to figure it out, but luckily for me you're a persistent young man."

Ben stood up, a sudden decision pushing him to stand in front of Qui. "We need to talk."

"Alright. What do we need to be talking about?"

"We have an unfinished conversation that I've been thinking about." He glanced around, then took Qui's hand. "Let's sit over here." He led the way to the rug spread before the fireplace and sat down.

Qui gracefully folded himself into a cross-legged position. "So now what?"

Ben held Qui's hand, running his thumb along the palm. "This business of tops and bottoms... I don't want to think of us in those kinds of terms."

"I thought you were the sex-starved motorcycle mechanic desperate to get into my pants." Qui smiled.

"Well, that too, but I'm trying to be serious here."

"Sorry." Qui kissed Ben's fingers. "Is it the words or the actions you don't like?'

"The typical concepts behind those words are what I want to get away from." Ben chewed on the corner of his lower lip as he tried to find the right terms. "Most people think of a top as the aggressive, dominating person and a bottom has a connotation of being weaker, subservient in some way." He shook his head. "That's not always the case, of course, but I want to think of us as equals." Ben looked at Qui. "Partners who love each other and are willing to explore their sexuality and try different things together."

"I like that." Qui slowly nodded. "Partners... each his own person but with something together that is greater than either." A corner of his mouth quirked upward. "A rather romantic thought, really. I think that's part of why I love you."

"It's your fault," Ben shrugged one shoulder. "Some of you has been rubbing off on me, or at least I hope that's what's happening."

"Partners in the dance?" Qui smiled, a full-fledged genuine joy. "Taking turns deciding whether it's a waltz or a tango and taking turns leading?"

"Something like that." Ben's answering smile reflected his agreement.

"That will be good, very good." Qui's expression became thoughtful. "Somebody still has to take the first step, though."

"I've been thinking about that, too." Ben was very still as he looked down at their joined hands.

"I'm willing to try it either way you want," said Qui softly.

"I want..." Ben slowly raised his head. "I want you inside me for our first time."

"Are you certain? I don't want to do anything to hurt you."

Ben took a deep breath, let it out gradually. "I think that one of the main reasons I had always insisted on topping was that I never found anyone I felt I could truly trust... someone I was comfortable enough with that I wouldn't feel vulnerable." Ben paused, twined his fingers with Qui's. "I trust you, and I want to feel what it's like to be joined with you... to take you into myself both physically and emotionally." He blushed a little. "Sorry, that's starting to get awfully mushy and fuzzy."

"Not at all; it's a beautiful sentiment." Qui carefully laid Ben down on the floor and stretched out beside him. "I would be honored to join with you, my love," he whispered as he held Ben close.

***

Ben yawned and stretched, then glanced at the clock. Frank and Mattie were opening the shop today, giving him an extra two hours to sleep in if he wished. His body had other ideas however, so he leaned over to flick on the tape player, lying back as the lilting tones of Quilan Finn filled the room. He poured a handful of lube from the bottle on the nightstand and began a leisurely appeasement of his morning tension.

A vague bump and thump did not catch Ben's attention, but the loud knock on his door made him blink and curse softly to himself.

"Ben? Are you up?"

"Yeah, what is it?" Ben sat up and hurriedly grabbed a sheet to cover himself. "You can come in."

"I dropped off a box on my way to work and wanted to ask –"

Qui stopped in the open door.

"Sorry, Jane said you were usually up by this time of the morning. I'll talk to you later."

"No, it's alright. What did you need?" insisted Ben.

Instead of answering, Qui tilted his head and listened a moment, brow furrowed. "That's the recording I did of Joyce's Ulysses. I remember making that one; it was a long bastard and needed several sessions." He looked back and took in Ben's flushed face, the sheet clutched in one hand over his updrawn spread knees, the arm that disappeared under the sheet. "Wait a minute, do you still –" He shook his head. "No, no, strike that question. I don't want to know. I don't even want to be thinking of that in conjunction with some of the things I've recorded." Qui rubbed his face and sighed dramatically. "Jaysus, what kind of a sex fiend have I got myself hooked up with?"

"Hey, novels, short stories, poetry, PSAs, whatever - the words don't necessarily matter." Ben covered up his embarrassment, getting into Qui's humor by licking his lips and leering. "You turn me on so much I could come just listening to you reading the phone book."

"I can see we won't be inviting you to any public readings if you're that horny."

Ben laughed. "Probably a good idea. If a recording gets me all hot and bothered, the real thing would no doubt cause spontaneous combustion." He grinned wickedly. "Or a very wet pair of shorts."

"I'm beginning to suspect I should be laying in an extra supply of Vitamin E." Qui had a saucy grin in turn. "Or maybe just buying more books."

The sheet slipped as Ben laughed even harder. "I am looking forward to expanding your horizons. In more ways than one."

Qui had to drag his gaze upward from the enticing dark hairs peeking out from under the edge of the sheet. "Right." He cleared his throat. "I'd better be getting on to work while I still can." He flashed a lopsided grin. "Enjoy your morning." He closed the door behind him as he quickly fled.

Ben leaned back into his stack of pillows and slowly resumed his self-ministration. Yes, he mused, definitely looking forward to expanding one horizon in particular.

***

"Sidai!" came the sharp rebuke.

"Yes, Sifu?" Ben straightened and stared straight ahead.

"You are not focusing. There is no value to the exercise if you are just going through the motions."

"Yes, Sifu." Ben bowed his head and sighed. "I'm sorry... it's difficult with everything that is happening."

"All the more reason to concentrate, Sidai, to center and let the external world drop away so you can re-energize body and mind. Give me fifty pushups and we will start again."

"Yes, Sifu."

***

"This floor plan should work," Qui said as he peered at the sheet of paper, then glanced up. "We can always make adjustments later, of course."

"It's a good start." Ben looked around the basement, envisioning how the furniture would look once the move was complete. The area rugs had been laid out; armchair, storage chest and floor lamps were in place; the weight machine and exercise mats occupied the far corner; and the boxes of towels, bedding, sheets, pillows and outdoor gear they had claimed marked the spots where the sofa, desk, table and chairs were to go. Another eight boxes of CDs, records, tapes and books that Qui had already brought over were positioned by the area designated for the bookcases. "What time do you want to start on Sunday?"

"I'd like the two of us to start at eight, if that's alright. Jane mentioned that she could bring her truck over around nine, and a few of her friends offered to help pack and clean up after they get out of church. We took care of the entire workroom earlier, so I was thinking we should be able to get everything that's left moved over on Sunday, get a good night's sleep, then finish unpacking Monday morning. Jane also told me she wants to fix dinner for your birthday Monday evening."

"That sounds fine. And I already asked Jane to just have the four of us for dinner." Ben smiled diffidently. "I'm not sure I'd be able to pay any attention to any other guests."

"I know how you feel." Qui turned to Ben and kissed him. "Just a few more days now."

"What about Sunday night?"

"The property manager is coming out Monday morning for a final inspection, to collect the keys and give me the check for the security deposit and September's rent that I had already paid." Qui hesitated. "I thought it would be easier to stay and meet him there, so I want to leave my sleeping bag and spend one last night alone at the house. Nothing against you, of course, it's just –"

Ben put a finger against Qui's lips. "Don't worry about it. I understand and I don't mind at all." He smiled softly. "Makes it all that much sweeter looking forward to Monday night."

Qui pulled Ben in for a big hug of unspoken thanks. They melted into the warm embrace, content to hold each other in silent comfort.

**************** ***************

Before leaving for his last day at Qui's place, Ben put a sweatshirt on under his jacket to ward off the chill of the gray October morning. It wasn't cold enough yet to require the jacket's thermal liner, but at the rate things were going it felt like it wouldn't be long. He parked well off to the side so Myrna was out of the way.

"Morning," said Qui as he answered the door. "Come in. I've got some tea brewing if you'd like a cup before we start packing things."

"Sounds good. Thanks."

Ben sat at the kitchen table for a few minutes sipping the hot drink, while Qui pulled out the few staples still remaining on his shelves and tossed them in the boxes with his odds and ends of cutlery, dishes and cooking items. Except for one water bottle, items from the refrigerator went into a large cooler they had borrowed from Jane. They then carried the boxes, the cooler, the chairs and the table outside.

In the small bedroom they quickly stripped the bed, packed linens, bedding and clothes into boxes, then carried out the boxes before moving the heavy wardrobe to join the table.

"Jesus, you obviously don't believe in lightweight furniture, do you?" groused Ben.

"I suppose I am rather partial to nice solid wood," grinned Qui.

Ben grimaced at the potential pun, but decided to let it pass. "I know you said the kitchen appliances stay, but is there a washer we need to get?"

"No, clothes were always sort of catch as catch can at the laundromat or a friend's house. That's yet another advantage to moving in at Jane's."

"That should save you some time we can put to better use." Ben raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Good point. I'll be able to add in some more Tai Chi workouts," replied Qui, waggling an eyebrow of his own.

"Hmmph," Ben grunted. "What's next?"

"The living room."

Ben started on the desk while Qui began carefully wrapping the items in the display case. He pulled open a large drawer to transfer the contents into a box, digging into the interior to pull out folders full of papers.

"Hey, is this a medal?"

"Yes. There's probably a couple of those in there somewhere," said Qui absently as he kept working.

"There's a ton of performance awards, certificates and letters of appreciation mixed in here with a bunch of loose forms and stuff. Do you want any of this separated or wrapped?"

"Throw it all in a box and I'll sort it later to pull out my financial and personnel records." Qui glanced up. "Why are you looking at me like that? It's just paper."

Ben shook his head. "This represents a lot of good things in your life that you've been recognized for. How can you just toss it in a drawer and hide it?"

"Those represent what somebody else thought about the value of things I've done." Qui tapped his head and his chest. "I know in here what I've done and what I feel the worth of my life has been, what I've contributed to trying to make this a better world. That's all that's really important."

"Did they at least give you money with any of these?"

Qui laughed and came over to stand in front of Ben. "We obviously need to work on this fixation you still have with filthy lucre." He took the drawer and unceremoniously upended everything into the waiting box.

"I'd be happy to settle for clean lucre. It keeps a roof over my head and buys gas for Myrna," Ben quipped back.

Qui started to roll his eyes, but a knock on the front door interrupted them. Ben trailed along as they went out to the front porch.

"Sorry we're late. The sermon was a little long today," said Jane as Rafa peeked out from behind her. "Brought a few friends along so things will go quicker. There's a crew to help move stuff at both ends and a crew for cleaning up."

Ben smiled to himself as he looked out. There were three pickup trucks besides Jane's, Liz and Linda had three people in their station wagon, and a minivan was just pulling up with several more people.

"A few friends?" Qui looked a bit awed. "We'll be finished in no time with this crowd." He scratched the back of his head. "That's if we can even fit all of them in this poor little house." He stepped forward to hug Jane.

People began milling about in front of the house, joined by the group from the minivan. A large burly bear of a man in jeans and a black t-shirt proclaiming "Have You Hugged God Today?" came up to the porch. A lock of black hair flopped into his eyes, matching the black pelt on his arms and peeking from the neck of his shirt.

"Good morning, good morning," he boomed. "How are we doing today?"

"This is Reverend Charles Jenkins," said Jane. "This is Quilan Finn and Ben Kennan."

"We're doing well," said Qui as he shook hands. "Thanks for coming out." He hesitated a moment. "I appreciate the help, but we're not members of your church."

"Not to worry. You are friends of Jane and Rafa, so you are part of our community. And you can call me Charley or Rev if you want." He had a broad smile as he gave both men a once-over. "We have a very large number of adjunct members, so to speak. And after all, you came out to help build the corral for Rafa, yes?"

"True enough." Qui nodded. "Thanks again."

"Ben, how are you? It's good to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too, sir. I've heard quite a bit about you and the good things your church does for people."

"We try," he said with a self-deprecating smile. "I'm mostly just a sort of facilitator. It's really about people helping other people. Speaking of which, we should get going, since we need to finish moving you and also get the house cleaned so they give you your full security deposit back. What's on the agenda for today?"

"Ben and I already cleared out the back rooms and the kitchen, so anything still in those rooms stays and they can be cleaned. We need to pack out the living room and then load everything to go over to Jane's house."

"Excellent." Charley called out, "Liz, can you get the cleaning crew set up? The kitchen and back rooms are ready."

"Can do easy." Liz threw off a jaunty salute with her cane and started pairing people up with brooms, mops, buckets and other cleaning supplies.

"Remarkable woman," said Charley fondly. "I think she could organize the Last Coming with one hand tied behind her back." He shook his head, then turned to Jane. "Jane, dear, could you take a look at what needs to be loaded and start assigning things to each truck?"

"I'll get right on it." Jane waited a moment for approval from Qui, then went indoors.

"Could I speak to both of you a moment before we start?"

"Of course, sir." Qui nodded to Ben and the three men moved off into the clearing.

"First, I just want to make it absolutely clear that you have no obligation to the church. You are welcome to drop by if you should ever wish to, and we have a lot activities open to everyone, but it is entirely up to you. I've seen your name in the paper, Quilan, and Jane has told me a little about both of you, so I know you contribute to the greater community in your own ways, and the good Lord appreciates it all."

"Understood," Qui said as both he and Ben nodded. Qui continued, "You have a lot of wonderful people in your church, and I'm glad to know you."

"Second, nobody has said anything to me, but I've been out as a gay man a long time and I've got damned good gaydar. I've also seen your new living arrangements when we picked up everything Jane was donating to our loan closet." He held up a hand. "I'm not asking any questions, but I would like to give you a word of advice. Everybody that knows Jane also knows that for years she's had three rooms to let. Now that she has three renters again, if anybody asks about where you're living, just tell them you're boarding with Jane Brandon and let them draw their own conclusions. Unfortunately, there are still some potentially significant repercussions if and when you ever decide to tell anyone elsewise, so be damned sure that you both agree before you make that kind of a decision." He smiled to lighten the mood. "Just a hypothetical word of advice, of course. And just as an aside, I hand-picked the folks who will be moving your stuff in at Jane's, and they all have reasons of their own to be very discreet."

Ben and Qui looked at each other, then back at Charley. Ben took a shaky breath as he surreptitiously moved a bit closer to Qui.

"Hey, Ben. Don't worry about things. I'm just a nosy old fart who's too used to sticking his foot in doors and passing out alleged words of wisdom." The beaming smile was in full force as he slapped Ben on the shoulder.

"Yes, sir. Thanks for the help," Ben smiled back, "and the hypothetical advice."

"Time to get to work and get you out of here most scosh."

***** *****

With so many helpers, the work flew by. Liz and Jane were clearly seasoned veterans of this game, and Charley floated around lending a hand or encouraging word where needed and keeping things cheerful. Within a few hours, everything had been moved and the little house was spic and span. Linda went out for a stack of pizzas and drinks that Qui insisted on paying for, and they had a festive lunch sitting on the floors or counters. After trash was bagged and the last helper sent off with words of gratitude, Qui and Ben stood alone in the empty living room.

Ben watched as Qui made a slow circuit of the room, then sat on the window sill looking out pensively.

"You doing alright?" Ben asked quietly as he went to stand next to his ranger.

"Still seems strange to be leaving this place, even though I know I'm only going a few miles away."

"Transitions can be difficult," offered Ben.

"I've no reason to be sitting around feeling sorry for myself," said Qui with a snort of self-disgust. He pulled Ben close with one arm. "I've just gotten too set in my ways and the change will be good for me." He kissed Ben's nose. "I'm going to a better place, especially with you there."

Ben smiled briefly, but his expression quickly turned serious. "What did you think of Reverend Jenkins?"

"Seems like quite a character, but a very good man. I noticed how much everyone seemed to like and respect him."

"Mmmhhmhm." Ben stood looking down at the floor.

"Are you still thinking about his 'words of advice', Ben?" Qui rose from the window sill to face Ben.

"He had a good point." Anxiety roughened Ben's voice. "You know I'm not ready to come out publicly to the whole town, at least not for a while."

"I understand that, and I respect that decision. I doubt it will be something I'll be wanting to do myself anytime soon, especially while I'm still getting used to our new relationship."

"Qui, I trust you, but like you said, you are new to this, and I know you prefer to be up front with people." Ben took both of Qui's hands in his. "Right now, you're going to be in a position where people will be curious because you're moving... it's just human nature to ask questions." He looked into Qui's eyes. "All I'm asking is that you be careful, please."

"I will." Qui bent his head to brush Ben's lips. "I'm not in the office that much, and most people already know I tend not to talk about personal matters anyway, including friends like Joan Spangler and Sandy Miller. They've always respected my privacy, and I don't expect that to change."

"Thanks." Ben melted into Qui's arms.

"I finally managed to pry some extra leave out of my boss yesterday by agreeing to cover the next two weekends," said Qui as he slowly kneaded Ben's shoulders. "I don't have to go back to work until Saturday."

"That's good. We'll have Monday to Thursday together." Ben rubbed his head against Qui's chest. "I probably could have asked for more leave since they are trying out a new part-timer to help with the coverage, but I don't have much vacation time built up yet and I wanted to save a couple of days for the holidays."

"That's fine. There'll be plenty of time to be together later." Qui moved his hands down, rubbing Ben's lower back. "I'd like to take one day and show you a few of my favorite spots in the Keo while the weather is still relatively decent."

"Tell you what. I'll go with you to the Keo if you let me take you for a ride on Myrna."

"Sounds like a fair deal." Qui laughed. "I was wondering whether I'd have to pry you out of bed to get you to do anything."

Ben raised his head with a wicked grin, "That's what the first two days are for."

Chapter Twenty-Seven is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/30425.html

FIC: Master's Voice, 24/28

Sat, 20 Jun 2009 16:01:36 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§ Chapter Twenty-Four §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hey, good morning," Ben said as he leaned down to kiss Qui's upturned face. "And a beautiful morning it is."

"You're certainly in a sunny mood today," said Qui. He set down his mug of tea, then stood up from the picnic table and stretched.

"Any morning when I get to see you is a good morning, even without the sun." Ben grinned as he waved a hand toward the gray clouds overhead. "Although I'll admit it was chillier than I thought it would be when I was doing my garden chores earlier."

"We're getting toward the end of September, and the season will be moving along soon." Qui pointed toward the trees. "The early color change in the leaves has already started, and there's been snow up in the mountains."

"Before we start, this is for you." Ben smiled shyly as he held out his hand.

Qui picked up the small envelope wrapped in a green ribbon. A fancy red heart had been drawn in one corner. He looked at Ben, then with an anticipatory half-smile he carefully pulled off the ribbon and opened the envelope. Inside was a folder of matches with a note tucked under the cover.

"I'm hot for you" read the big bold script. Qui laughed and wrapped Ben in a hug, then kissed him. "That was a good one, boyo," he said as he rubbed his thumb along Ben's cheek before kissing him again.

"A nice way to start the day. Thank you," said Qui said as he stepped back. "Now let's be getting to work." He began walking out into the open grassy area.

Ben trailed along, a smile on his face, until Qui stopped and turned around.

"Ready to begin, Sidai?"

"Yes, Sifu." Ben bowed, wiping the grin off his face.

Qui bowed in turn, and the session began.

Stretches were followed by stances. Qui called out first individual ones, then sequences, watching carefully and offering an occasional comment.

"Good. We'll do the Yang 24 form next. Please assume the starting position." Qui moved next to Ben, let himself relax into the proper posture, then quietly called out the signal to begin.

Ben settled into the smooth, easy movement as they went through the routine side by side. He would occasionally sneak a glance at his companion, enjoying the peaceful camaraderie of the shared exercise. He felt warm and loose, the central focus still not totally under control at all times, but he was satisfied that his practice was paying off with definite improvement. Ben listened closely for the corrective words that Qui offered as they progressed. Eventually, two pairs of hands crossed slowly in front of two faces. Two pairs of arms flowed downward in the final movement. Two bodies relaxed, breathing soft and centered, letting energy coalesce, holding the pose for several beats of their hearts.

"Well done, Sidai," Qui said softly.

"Thank you, Sifu." Ben turned to face his teacher. "What are your instructions?"

"Since we are going for a run, that will be all for today."

The two men bowed to close the session, then walked back to the table for a break before they headed out.

"You are coming along nicely, Ben. You need to put in some more work on your transitions, but the key for the next several months will be repetition." Qui took a sip of water. "Don't forget to include the basics, such as breathing and centering."

"I'll keep working on it. The square form did help with the timing, so I want to keep that in my practices also."

"Good idea." Qui nodded.

A car horn beeped from the other side of the house.

Both men stood and went toward the sound. As they rounded the corner, they saw a postman on the porch, knocking on the front door.

"Morning, Denny. Can I help you?" called Qui.

"Quilan, glad you're home. That will save you a trip down to the post office." The postman pulled a letter from his bag. "I've got something for you that requires a signature." He held out the envelope and a pen.

Qui signed the form attached to the envelope, then handed form and pen back. "Thanks."

"Thank you, Quilan. Have a nice day." The postman went back to his truck and began backing down the driveway.

Ben and Qui returned to the table and sat down. Qui inclined his head as he turned the envelope over in his hands, scrutinizing the return address.

"It's probably important if you had to sign for it," said Ben. "The run can wait if you want to go ahead and open it. I don't mind."

Qui nodded his appreciation and carefully slid a finger under the sealed flap. He pulled out a single heavy sheet, squinting a bit as he held it up, and began reading.

Ben took a drink of water as he watched, wondering for a moment why the squint until he remembered that Qui didn't have his glasses out. He enjoyed seeing the concentration that the man brought to any task, wishing he could be the focus of that intense scrutiny. He turned away to give Qui more privacy.

"Jaysus!"

When Ben turned back, Qui's face had gone white, his mouth partially open, as he clutched the paper tight.

"What's wrong?" Ben asked as he stood upright. He walked around the table and stood next to Qui when his question was ignored. "Qui?" He lightly touched Qui's shoulder.

"Bloody fucking hell," Qui whispered with hitching breath. He thrust the paper toward Ben and sat staring out at the forest, shaking his head.

Carefully prying the stiff fingers from the sheet, Ben looked at the crisply embossed legal letterhead on the ivory linen. He stepped back and began reading.

Dear Mr. Finn, I have greatly appreciated the long relationship we have had and your excellent stewardship of the property you have rented from us. I realize that we had both anticipated that this relationship would continue for many more years. It is therefore with great regret that I must inform you that my wife was recently diagnosed with a major illness which will be terminal in a few years; she wishes to return home to Wyoming to spend her remaining time and I will do all in my power to fulfill her needs. Due to this adverse situation, I must therefore invoke the early termination clause of your lease and request that you vacate the property not later than 31 October so construction can begin on a new house. I will, of course, forfeit the two months of payments for September and October and will return the security deposit in accordance with the terms of the lease contract. If you have further questions, please contact the property manager...

"Damn." Ben blew out a sharp breath, all of his earlier good feelings vanished. "That's certainly a kick in the balls."

Qui abruptly stood and walked swiftly to the edge of the clearing, leaning back against the nearest tree, eyes closed.

"Are you alright?" Ben asked anxiously. "You don't look so good."

"Over fifteen years I've lived here, made this place a home. I thought I'd be here at least twelve more before I had to think about leaving." Qui's voice was low and rough, his face still pale.

"I'm sorry, Qui. I know this is awfully sudden..." Ben's words faltered.

"The circumstances are unfortunate." Qui opened his eyes finally. "I met her several years ago. She is a very nice woman. She talked about how much she looked forward to coming home some day after her husband retired, but I doubt if this is what she had in mind." His blue eyes were dark.

"No, I suppose not." Ben struggled to find words in the face of Qui's impassive tone.

There was an awkward silence.

Slowly Qui let his gaze travel around the clearing and past the small house. "I suppose I should start thinking about where to go," he said quietly, but didn't move.

Ben shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to come up with something to help. A sudden inspiration flashed in his head and he smiled brilliantly.

"I've got the perfect idea!" He looked eagerly at Qui. "You can move in with me!"

"What?" Qui turned his head, looked at Ben blankly.

"You can move in with me!" Ben repeated. "There's a private bathroom and Jane would probably let us have the whole basement, so there'd be plenty of room, and we could, well, we could live together."

"I don't think –"

Ben pressed on, cutting off the flow of 'thanks, but no thanks' he knew would be coming. "We could share the rent, which would be good for both of us, and you'd still be close enough to visit Manus and the WCC."

"Ben, I'm not sure I'm ready to live together with – "

"If you don't want to sleep together yet, then you could have the bedroom, and I could sleep out in the other part of the basement," Ben rushed on, "and you already know what a great cook Jane is."

Qui shook his head, "I don't want to –"

"If that's too much for now, you can have the basement." Ben was getting desperate as he saw his brilliant scheme dissolving in Qui's stubborn independence. "I could easily fix up something upstairs or out in the barn, it would be no trouble at all and it would be so great having you there, don't you see. I could –"

"Would you let me get a fucking sentence in edgewise, dammit?" Qui growled as he grabbed Ben's arms. "I don't want to take your bloody home away from you, and I'm not somebody that's easy to live with."

Ben was shocked into silence by the forceful grip and angry words. He felt the heat racing up the back of his neck and his pulse hammered as he dropped his eyes. "I didn't..." He swallowed hard. "I'm sorry. I was pushing too fast again." He sucked in a rough breath and looked up briefly. "I would happily give you anything I have. You mean that much to me. Anything at all."

"And that kind of self-sacrificing shit is no basis for a proper relationship." Qui dropped his hands and stepped back a pace. Two spots of red flushed his cheeks and his nostrils flared. "You need to have a life of your own with your own self-respect and strength."

"I want you to be part of my life because you are the most important thing in my whole life," Ben said, forcing the words out through a tight throat. "If I have it or can get it, it's yours."

"What kind of a bloody arsehole do you take me for?" Qui's words were sharp, his jaw muscle jumping. "If I wanted that sort of blind stupidity, I'd have told you to give me that fucking motorcycle so I could stop worrying about all those crazy truck drivers out there running you off the road."

Ben stared up, barely breathing. He didn't drop the stare as he wordlessly dug into a pocket. He pulled out his keys and forced them into Qui's hand. "I'll leave the helmet with her." He barely registered the stunned expression as Qui's mouth dropped and his face paled again. "I'm sorry for trying to rush you into something you obviously don't want. And I'm sorry you think it's stupid for being willing to do almost anything for someone you love. I thought that caring enough to put someone else's needs and feelings ahead of your own was part of what you were trying to teach me." He turned away while he could still make his legs move. "I won't bother you any more if you don't want me to." Ben walked blindly away, stiff-legged, hands clenched into hard fists, fighting desperately to hold back the hot tears stinging the back of his eyes.

Halfway across the clearing, Ben heard footsteps rushing up behind him.

"Ben?"

He kept walking until a hand on his shoulder pulled him to a stop. Ben shrugged off the hand and took a few more steps, pain ripping his heart.

"Please don't go."

The words halted Ben as no physical force possibly could. He felt his heart beat four times as he slowly turned around, eyes screwed shut and his head bowed to hide the betraying drop of water that trickled down his cheek. He felt a gentle finger under his chin and yielded to the upward pressure. Soft lips kissed the tear away, then delicately brushed each eyelid.

"Will you let a foolish idiot apologize?" whispered into Ben's ear.

"Qui..." Ben barely choked out the name before diving into the sanctuary of the strong arms that gathered him in.

Time stopped as the two men held each other close. Slowly, ragged breathing and racing hearts calmed in the warmth of their embrace.

"Ben?"

"Hmmph?" Ben mumbled into Qui's shirt.

"Can we talk?"

Fear held Ben's tongue immobile for a moment. He didn't fully comprehend what had just happened and wasn't entirely certain he wanted to explore it, but knew they needed to have this out if they were to stay together. He took a deep breath and stepped back, holding only Qui's hand in his. Ben nodded.

"You want to sit down?"

"No." Ben smiled wanly. "I want to apologize for what I did. I could see that you had been hit badly and thrown off balance, but I jumped in with both feet, trying to rush you into what I wanted without thinking about what you might really want or need. I ignored my promise not to push too hard, and that was wrong."

"And I'm sorry for getting angry. I don't react well to being pushed, and I pushed back in an ugly way." Qui's tongue worked against the inside of his cheek. "You actually had a good idea, but I wasn't listening."

"You..." Ben licked his lower lip, "you'd really consider it?"

"If you're sure that's what you truly want." Qui held up a hand. "I know we intended to get around to having sex eventually, but that's not at all the same thing as living with somebody every day. I meant it when I said I'm not an easy person to live with. You know about my hours, my other interests, and, quite frankly, I've gotten pretty set in some of my ways after mostly living alone for so many years. It might not be an easy adjustment for either of us."

"I understand. We'd both have to make changes. I want to try, though, and if it means sleeping in separate rooms until you're ready for something different, then I will do that." Ben squeezed a little harder on the hand in his as he took a careful breath. "I did not consider the offer to be a sacrifice, you know. Quite the opposite, in fact."

"Right, umm..." Qui bowed his head and sighed. "I suppose I'd better be explaining, especially since I've poked you pretty brutally about some of your past life. I owe you that." He looked up. "First, let me say that what you offered was not stupid and that's not how I think of you. The more I have come to know you, the more I have come to respect you and care for you." He fell silent.

Ben waited, rolling his lower lip between his teeth, not sure where this was going.

"This is yours." Qui handed back Myrna's keys. "I shouldn't have said such a thing. It was incredibly brainless and insensitive, and you should have told me to stick it up my arse."

"Do you really worry that much about me riding a motorcycle?" Ben rolled the keys in his free hand before stuffing them back in his pocket.

"Yes. I've had to help pick up the pieces after road accidents, and the motorcycle always loses that battle." He shook his head, his eyes bleak. "It's not pretty. Makes us even, I suppose, for you worrying about me carrying a gun and chasing bad guys through the forest."

"If you really want..." Ben said reluctantly.

"No!" Qui took both of Ben's hands in his. "Don't even think about it." He paused a moment, eyes closed, and took a deep breath to calm himself. He opened his eyes again. "Ben, if this is going to work for us, we must understand and respect each other's needs and desires. Making adjustments and compromises is one thing, but I always want you to be Ben Kennan, not some shadow of Quilan Finn."

"I'm not sure I understand. I love you and I want you to be happy. Making you happy is what makes me happy."

"I love you, too, Ben, but I don't want your love to make you give up what makes you a special person. Love can become a devouring beast that sucks you dry if you let it." A bitter smile of regret passed over Qui's face. "You pushed one of my buttons very hard and you need to understand why." He pulled Ben in close. "Growing up in Ireland, it was just my parents and me. They worked hard, and we always had food on the table even if there wasn't ever much in the way of luxuries. My folks were good people, and loved each other very much. Da taught me how to work with my hands, and Ma taught me about caring for the world and the creatures in it."

There was a long silence. Ben rested against Qui's chest and waited.

"Da loved my mother so much that he would do anything for her. She was the center of his world, and he would have cut off his right hand if she had asked." Qui's words were distant and detached. "When I was sixteen, we found out she had cancer. It was too far along for a cure and it took her six months to die, wasting away, and each day a little more of Da died with her. After the funeral, he couldn't put himself back together. Started drinking to ease the pain, and was coming home hammered more and more often. He got quieter, more withdrawn as time went on... I was feeling helpless because it seemed 'twas nothing I could do to get through to him." Qui's arms tightened around Ben. "A month before my eighteenth birthday, he was coming out of a pub and got himself run over by a lorry. His mates said he deliberately stepped out into the road." A heavy sigh. "That was mostly why I was after leaving Ireland as soon as I turned eighteen. I had the U.S. citizenship through Ma and having been born here, so I took a set of Da's tools, sold everything else and went to live with a cousin here in the States." Qui leaned back and looked down at Ben. "My Da was so lost in his love, there was nothing left of himself at all. Ever since I've always had trouble totally committing to someone, and when I'm hearing words like sacrifice and giving up everything for someone, it gets to setting off horrible clanging bells in my head. 'Tis an issue I've never fully resolved, and probably the biggest reason none of my previous relationships ever became permanent."

"I'm sorry." Ben raised a hand to Qui's shoulder. "What do you want me to do?"

"How about if we just keep working on helping each other deal with our various issues, and agree to kick the other's arse if one of us gets to being too stupid about something?" Qui arched an eyebrow.

"I could live with that." Ben gave a snort of laughter.

"You sure you want to be living with a gun-toting, semi-neurotic tree-hugging do-gooder who's never around half the time, boyo?" Qui's smile was wide and mischievous.

"If you can stand living with a money-obsessed, sex-starved motorcycle mechanic who lusts after your body and has a fetish for wanting you to read to him every night, then I guess I'm your man." Ben's smile was even wider and more mischievous.

Qui laughed and hugged Ben.

"I think it's time we were paying a visit to Mrs. Jane Brandon."

Chapter Twenty-Five is now at:
katbear.livejournal.com/30156.html

FIC: Master's Voice, 23/28

Fri, 19 Jun 2009 17:57:21 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§ Chapter Twenty-Three §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A gloriously warm mid-September afternoon had Ben smiling in anticipation as he pulled up once more beside the familiar battered truck. Qui had asked him to wear his running gear and to bring his empty pack, promising both a longer time together and a surprise. Ben found Qui sitting outside at the picnic table and came up behind him.

"I brought you something," Ben murmured as he handed a box to Qui.

Qui raised an eyebrow. "Another surprise? Let's have a look, then, shall we?" He slowly pulled off the green tissue paper and opened the cardboard box. A folded note on ivory paper was lying on top of a bag of Hershey's Kisses.

"Here are a few Kisses to remind you of my love when we're apart," read Qui. He smiled as Ben leaned down to nuzzle his ear and plant a kiss on his neck. He turned his head and their lips met for a sweet caress.

They indulged themselves for a few moments, but Qui eventually stood up and turned to face Ben.

"That was a lovely thought, but we have work to do first, Sidai, before we play," said Qui with the wave of a finger.

"Yes, Sifu," Ben replied with a noticeable lack of enthusiasm.

Qui looked at him sternly and shook his head, then raised one eyebrow.

"I know, patience and perseverance in all things." Ben wrinkled his nose, but followed obediently to assume their starting positions.

Their session started off as usual, stopping after Ben had run through the entire square form under his teacher's critical eye. Qui moved around to stand next to his student. "Assume the starting position, Sidai. We will do it together this time."

"Yes, Sifu." Ben's heart swelled with warmth as they flowed through the entire sequence side by side. He was still feeling the buzz when they made their final bows.

"That was great," Ben enthused as they stood by the table, sipping water.

"I enjoyed that as well," Qui smiled. "I want you to keep practicing your stances, but you are coming along well. You have a good grasp of the timing and moves, so next week we'll shift to the first part of the standard Yang 24 form and see how you do."

"I will be looking forward to that. Thanks."

"Your work will bring its own rewards. Now, are you ready to get your butt kicked in a run, boyo?"

"You can try, old man," replied Ben with a cheeky grin. "I don't think you'll find it as easy as that first time."

"We'll see," was Qui's only reply. He put towels and water in each of their packs, hoisted his own pack and took off.

The pace quickly picked up and Ben was glad he had put in all the extra time running these last few months. Qui was still clearly well in the lead, though, when they finally came to a halt near Manus.

Panting and sweating, Ben raised his arms and then bowed low. "I yield... you are still the master, o great one."

"And don't you forget it, boyo." Qui slipped behind Ben and held him close as he licked sweat from Ben's neck. "Good enough to eat," he growled as he continued tasting the hot skin.

"Ohhhh.... Yeah." Ben moaned as he pressed back. He gave a disappointed squawk when Qui abruptly stopped. "Hey! It was just getting good."

"We've something else to do here first." Qui grinned slyly before walking over to lay a hand on the broad trunk of the old tree in greeting.

Ben followed. "Hello, Manus," he said with a nod.

Qui gave him an odd look. "Did you really mean that?" He cocked his head.

"I think so," Ben replied, surprising himself as he realized that he had not intended it only as an empty gesture. "I'm still trying to understand this tree thing, but he is your friend so it felt like the polite thing to do."

Reaching up with one hand in what seemed to have become one of his favorite gestures, Qui rubbed his thumb along Ben's cheek. "Perhaps there really is hope for you." He nodded and gave a small wistful smile.

Ben turned his head to kiss the palm so invitingly near. "So what else did you have in mind while we're here?"

"Early fruits of the fall harvest are ready," said Qui with a big grin.

"What fruit are we talking about?"

"Apples!" Qui waved an arm around. "Manus's little flock produces some of the best apples around and he has agreed to let us have several to take home."

Ben stared for a moment, then slowly looked around. It was true; all around them were trees heavy with red, green, gold and multi-hued orbs. He smiled and shook his head. "I guess I hadn't noticed." He turned and nodded to Manus again, this time far more sincerely. "Thank you, Master Manus. I shall look forward to enjoying your gift."

Qui smiled and gave Ben a quick hug before taking off his pack. He led Ben around to different trees, showing him the ripest and best varieties. They took turns picking a few each from various branches, then carefully placed them into their backpacks, using the towels for padding to reduce bruising. When they had a plentiful load, they pulled off their shoes and socks and sat near Manus eating a few which Qui had specially chosen.

"Mmmmm." Ben bit into the crisp yellowish flesh, savoring the sweet crunch as he chewed. "This is wonderful." He enthusiastically worked his way around the core.

"They are even better when you pick them fresh like this, but they'll keep well for quite a while." Qui smiled to see Ben's appreciation.

Ben quickly finished his first apple, then began on a second, taking his time to relish the taste and texture. As he ate, he watched Qui sitting next to him. One hand brought a fruit to his mouth... strong white teeth bit into the flesh... juice dripped down his fingers and his chin as his jaw slowly worked. Ben's nostrils flared as he watched Qui repeat the act. His own treat dropping by his side, Ben gradually leaned forward. He reached with one hand and intercepted the remnants of the apple in Qui's hand, bringing it toward his own mouth. He took a small nibble, swallowed, then licked the length of the palm. He drew one long finger into his mouth, licking and sucking slowly as he looked into Qui's eyes, which were rapidly darkening. He felt his other hand drawn toward the sensuous mouth, a tingling growing in his belly as he felt his own fingers being laved.

Every finger was tenderly and thoroughly cleaned as the two men lost themselves in each other's eyes. They began a slow-motion ballet, fingers now intertwined, tongues seeking the sweat salt and sweet juice on each other's chins and in their mouths. Ben tried to shift Qui backward but yielded to Qui's sideways lean. They kissed again, slow lingering mixtures of flavor. Ben's questing fingers were captured and bussed, held close. He tried once more to move atop his lover but was rolled onto his back instead as Qui nibbled the edge of his chin and sent electric shocks along his backbone with sloppy kisses and a pointed tongue in his ear.

Ben moaned as he laid his head back to give free access to the hot wetness moving steadily down his neck and delving under the collar of his shirt. He tried vainly to reach some part of Qui's face to kiss in turn, but couldn't quite stretch that far. He gasped as a hand snaked under the bottom of his shirt and slid slowly along his belly, leaving a trail of sparks in its wake.

A flush swept the length of Ben's body as he felt his shirt lifted and lips followed the path the hand had earlier traced. He moaned as hot suction descended on his left nipple, sending a shock wave straight to his cock. A hand moved up each side, caressing his skin. Ben reached for Qui but his arms were intercepted and pinned as his shirt was pulled over his head. He whimpered as that supple heat shifted to his right nipple. His cock was half hard and his hips began squirming as the delicious torment to the hardened nubs on his chest continued. Fighting free of the encumbering garment, Ben tossed his shirt aside and made a determined effort to grasp Qui's top. Yet again, he was thwarted as his arms were held down while Qui persisted in his oral assault up and down Ben's belly and back and forth between his nipples.

As incredibly welcome as Qui's attentions were, Ben was increasingly finding new depths of frustration in being a passive recipient instead of the active aggressor as he usually was. Needy heat drove him to twist one hand free; he grabbed for Qui's head and tried to force him up for a hard kiss while his lower body bucked in an attempt for leverage.

The convergence of Ben's efforts was a sudden, disastrous and very hard thunk as his chin intercepted Qui's nose. They fell apart as Qui yelped and reached to stem the trickle of red.

"Damn!" Ben leaned on one elbow, breathing hard. "Jesus, I'm sorry." His other hand was lightly cupped, bouncing on his thigh. "Are you alright?" He shook his head and cursed himself for being three kinds of an idiot.

Qui's face was scrunched as he held the tail of his shirt to his nose for a long moment. He cautiously blew out as he pulled the material away and warily probed at his nose. "I think it's fine, just a little sore." Qui looked at Ben, a confused crinkle in his brow and around his eyes. He reached for Ben's free hand. An involuntary jerk of Ben's hand pulled it out Qui's reach. Ben cursed again and rolled onto his stomach, his face between his hands. "Shit! I'm sorry... Jesus, I'm so sorry," he mumbled repeatedly between his fingers.

"Ben?" Qui sat up. "What's wrong? What have I screwed up this time?"

Ben lifted his head, still panting, but couldn't look at Qui. "It's not you. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry I fucked up." He lay tensely, shoulders hunched.

"No, you didn't." Qui took a deep breath, let it out slowly. "Ben, something's not right here. We need to work this out or it will stay not right between us. This is too important to both of us not to talk about it."

Ben hung his head, closed his eyes tight. He concentrated on taking three controlled breaths. One last deep sigh and he opened his eyes. Ben sat up across from Qui, but still couldn't quite meet his eyes.

"I love you, Ben," Qui said softly, "and I want this to work for us."

Ben licked his lips and finally looked up. "I love you, Qui. I need this to work for both of us."

"I know we're still learning about each other, and we've got a long way to go. But if you're willing, I'd like for us to be able to talk out issues and ask questions. No censorship. No recriminations. No negativity and no guilt trips if the other isn't willing or able to talk about it." Qui held up one hand. "I know that may be asking for a lot this early in our relationship, but I believe it is important to start as we mean to continue." He held out his hand. "Can you do this? Do you want to do this?"

Ben sat very still, tongue between his teeth. He looked back at Qui, then slowly nodded. "I don't know if I can answer your questions, but I'm willing to try." He reached out, took Qui's hand and interlaced their fingers.

"May I speak first?" Qui asked softly.

Ben nodded again.

"There are actually a number of questions I have been thinking about but haven't been willing to bring up. First, though, I want to try to understand what just happened," Qui said hesitantly. "Can we talk about that?"

"I'm listening." Ben didn't yet trust himself to say anything further.

"I know you've been frustrated by how slow things are going, and I appreciate the fact that you have been so supportive while I've been sorting things out."

Ben chewed on the inside of his cheek, shrugged. "I promised that I wouldn't force things. It's important to me that I keep my promises."

Qui nodded but didn't comment on what was left unsaid. "As I mentioned, I've been thinking about a number of things, and moving ahead is something I believe I'm ready for. Today, I thought I was giving you what you've been wanting. It looked to me as if you were enjoying it, and, to be perfectly honest, I liked it. A lot. I want more." He hesitated, squeezed a little as he held Ben's hand. "Judging from your reaction, and your body language, it seems to me that I did something wrong. I don't know what it was... I only know I want to find out what works for both of us."

There was a long silence as Ben tried to find words to help both of them understand. His breath felt loud in his ears and each beat of his heart seemed a leaden thump as he stared down at their joined hands. He sighed before finally speaking.

"I liked what you were doing, too." Ben looked up and smiled. "A lot. You are very good once you get going." He waited to watch Qui's answering flit of a smile. "I think, though... I didn't feel like an equal participant. You were initiating everything... I loved the dance, but I'd like to lead at least some of the time, if that makes sense."

"Yes." Qui nodded. "I can understand that. I was having so much fun I wasn't even thinking." A contrite smile. "I'm sorry. That wasn't very considerate of me."

"It's alright. As you've said before, we've got a lot of learning to do. In any event, I'd still worry that I'd be pushing too far, too fast." Ben looked down. "I'm not sure how to reconcile the issues."

"What if we draw straws for who gets to lead? Or I could race you for it."

Ben gave a snort of laughter and looked up into Qui's grin. "We'll work something out, but running is definitely not an option. I'd probably never get laid if we did that." His laughter died as he saw a shutter drop in Qui's eyes. "Sorry. Did I say something wrong?"

"No, not at all. That is actually a very good lead-in to something else I've been thinking about a lot. I've been doing some research on this also." The silence stretched out as a faint unaccustomed red brushed Qui's cheeks.

"And am I to be enlightened as to the nature of this question?" Ben grinned to lighten the mood.

"It has to do with leading in the dance." Qui cleared his throat. "If we are going to consummate our relationship, we need to discuss the issue of tops and bottoms."

"Oh." Ben blinked. That was not at all on the list of possible topics he had been thinking of. "That is certainly a good question."

"I thought you might find it of interest," said Qui dryly.

"Yes." Ben cleared his throat in turn. "Definitely a good question."

"I take it you do desire a physical consummation?" Qui cocked one eyebrow.

"I think you can take that as a given." Ben couldn't suppress a mischievous leer.

"So... are you a top or a bottom?" Qui leaned forward a little, still holding Ben's hand.

Ben ran his tongue along the back of his lower teeth, lifted an eyebrow. "Top." He tilted his head. "I've only ever been a top."

"I see." Qui paused, a thoughtful expression on his face. "This could get interesting." With his free hand he gently rubbed his nose.

"Should I assume you would be considered the top in your... um... previous relationships?"

"Usually. I may finally have one up on you, though." A rather smug smile graced Qui's face. "I've had a number of lovers, some of them very adventurous women. One of them persuaded me to let her try a strap-on." He wiggled an eyebrow. "Several times."

Ben opened his mouth, then shut it again as he tried to digest the picture that Qui's words created in his suddenly heated imagination. He blew out a long breath. "Did you... like it?" he finally ventured.

"As a novelty, it was certainly interesting." Qui didn't elaborate.

There was another long silence.

"When I was thinking of what it might be like with you, I did envision myself as the top," Qui said quietly. "Is that going to be an insurmountable problem?"

"I don't honestly know since I've never done it that way."

"Ah." Qui thought a moment. "I'd be willing to take turns if that will help." He paused. "Or perhaps there are other things we could do if it's going to be a major issue."

"No." That brought an immediate reaction. "I want you, all of you." Ben had a strained smile. "And those other things, too."

"I did drop that on you damned suddenly," said Qui. "Perhaps we should think about it some more and resume this discussion another time."

"Qui..." Ben swallowed hard, trying to still the swirling in his gut. He looked into the waiting blue eyes. "I love you. I will do whatever is needed for this to work for us."

"And I will not ask you to do something you clearly are not comfortable with."

"I've heard that love is about compromise and sharing." Ben smiled. "I'm not comfortable at the moment, but that may only be because I haven't had a chance to consider it." He kissed Qui's hand. "The idea of taking turns certainly has some stimulating possibilities."

"You are a good man, Ben Kennan. I'm looking forward to exploring some of those possibilities with you."

"We can talk some more after I've had a chance to un-fry some of my brain cells." Ben grinned and spread his free arm. "While we're at it, what other bombshells did you want to drop?"

"It was just personal curiosity." Qui hesitated. "It's probably not really any of my business."

"Now you have me intrigued. Are you lusting after my secret for doing the perfect oil change in under ten minutes?"

Qui laughed. "Hardly. If it's to do with motors it's all black magic anyway as far as I'm concerned." He went quiet. "I was just wondering about the real reason you left home."

Ben stopped breathing for a long moment as he stared at Qui. He sucked in a gasping breath as a cold weight settled in his stomach. "There was a flaming row and the bastard threw me out." A muscle jumped in his clenched jaw as ugly memories seared his brain.

"My apologies. I should not have asked."

"No, if you've figured out that I didn't tell you everything, then you should know what actually happened." Ben shuddered. "It's something I need to learn to move past anyway." He closed his eyes, took several deep breaths, anchoring himself to Qui's hand, unaware of how hard he was squeezing.

Qui waited patiently, letting Ben work through the moment.

"It was a flaming row because my father found out I was a flaming faggot. His words, not mine." Ben opened his eyes, his back rigid but a calm blue-gray gaze surveying his lover. "It was just after final exams and we all had had too much to drink... I was stupid enough to get caught with my cock up a man's ass." He snorted, a humorless gibe, then shrugged dismissively. "He wasn't even a very good fuck." Ben paused. "Anyway, there was a screaming match, the gist of which was that my dear old dad let me know he was ever so unhappy with his worthless piece of trash son... he hit me... disowned me... and told me to get out and never come back. So I did. Maureen was the only one in the family who stuck by me."

Qui slid over and pulled Ben into his arms. "Jaysus, I am so sorry you had to deal with that." He laid them both down and held the young man close. "My poor Ben."

The sun slipped down to the tops of the trees while Qui held Ben, caressing him, bestowing soft kisses, murmuring soft words, until tension finally fled and Ben relaxed with a grateful sigh into the safe haven of his love's arms.

**************** ***************

After work the following day Ben headed out on back roads for a long ride, hoping Myrna's soothing rumble would ease the pain of re-opened wounds. It didn't have the effect he had desired, so for the next two evenings he turned instead to his journal, scribbling furiously, pouring out the memories, hopes, dreams and fears of his early years, trying to understand where things had gone so wrong and become so hurtful. His enlightenment did not get much farther along, but the venting process was cathartic. His initial resentment at Qui for ripping the scabs open slowly turned to acceptance and gratitude that he could now openly discuss what had happened instead of hiding it away. He felt needier than usual, and broke his own rule about not bothering Qui on the phone; he was embarrassed by his hunger when the phone rang emptily and he quietly hung up to slink back to his room.

The next morning was an early start time for him but there were relatively few jobs in the shop and Ben found himself increasingly restless. He finished all of his assignments before lunch, helped rearrange the merchandise out front, inventoried all the tool boxes, cleaned the bay twice and kept asking Frank if he had more work to do. Frank finally got tired of him and kicked him out a half hour early with an exasperated growl. Ben hurried straight home, planning on a long hard run to help settle himself.

The sight of a particular battered pickup truck in front of Jane's house caused Ben's heart to leap into his throat. Qui had never showed up unannounced. Was there something wrong? He parked in the garage and hurried inside.

A pleasant scene of domestic bliss greeted Ben as he stepped into the kitchen. Jane and Qui were sitting at the table, cups of tea and plates of apple pie in front of them. Qui was in his field uniform.

"Afternoon, Ben," said Jane. "Care for some pie?"

Qui spoke up as Ben hesitated. "This is excellent. Best I've had in a long time."

"Yes, ma'am, a small piece if you don't mind," said Ben to Jane. He turned to Qui. "I gave most of Manus's apples to Jane. I hope that was alright."

"It's a bounty that is meant to be shared." Qui grinned, a twinkle in his eyes. "Especially so when it is transformed into such a magnificent pastry by such a lovely baker."

"Go on with you," Jane fussed, but there was a smile on her face as she brought Ben's pie to the table.

Ben got a glass of milk and sat down next to Qui.

"Hey, it's good to see you. Is there some special occasion?" Ben took a bite of pie.

"Not really." Qui shifted in his chair so his knee touched Ben's under the table. "There was nothing urgent going on today so I took a few hours of leave."

"This is very good, ma'am," Ben said to Jane.

"Thank you. Qui and I were just chatting about the different varieties of apples that are best for eating versus baking."

"Can you stay a while and talk?" Ben pushed back with his knee against Qui's as he took another forkful.

"That's why I came by." Qui finished his last bite of pie before continuing. "We still have a lot of getting acquainted to do."

"If you've the time, you must stay for supper," said Jane. "It's only meatloaf tonight, but there's plenty to go around and we can get some fresh pickings from the garden for a nice salad."

"I've got to leave by seven, and I don't want to be putting you to any trouble."

"It's no trouble at all. It's still early, and we can eat around five-thirty, which will give you plenty of time." Jane stood up and put a hand on Qui's shoulder. "We don't get that many visitors, so I insist."

"In that case, I guess I could stay if you'll let me help with the cleanup. It's very kind of you to offer."

"That's settled then." Jane put her other hand on Ben's shoulder. "Rafa will be home soon, and she'll help me get things ready if you boys want to stretch your legs a bit. You can take the girls for a walk to keep you company." She gave a small laugh. "Lord knows the lazy things could use the exercise."

Dexy stuck her head in the door from the laundry room and gave an inquisitive whoof.

Qui laughed and stood up. "We wouldn't want to disappoint them." He looked at Ben. "Out the back way?"

"Sure. There are some nice trees once we get past the barn, so you'll feel right at home." Ben grinned.

They went through the rear door and back yard, then started down the dirt road with Dexy and Delilah happily gamboling along. Qui picked up a stick and threw it for the dogs, letting them chase after it and tussle for the right to bring it proudly back.

"Looks like they're having fun," Ben said. He walked slowly beside Qui, hands stuffed in his pockets, not quite sure of what to say.

"I'm not ignoring you." Qui glanced at Ben. "It's better to let them run off energy now so they'll be less likely to stray later."

"I hadn't thought of that." Ben fell silent as they walked along for almost fifteen minutes. They were well out of sight of the house and barn before Qui stopped and petted the dogs as they flopped down in the grass.

"I stopped by because I was worried about you," Qui said quietly. He straightened and turned to Ben. "I felt like I stirred up some things about your father that you weren't ready to tackle yet."

"It was bound to come up sooner or later." Ben shrugged, trying to convince himself yet again that he had been handling it better than he really had. "Perhaps it was time for me to start getting more serious about dealing with it, and not let it stay a secret between us."

"I shouldn't have just dumped that question on you like that, though, especially when we had just finished such a heavy discussion about us." Qui's brow was furrowed above dark eyes. "You were obviously hurting after I did that, and I'm sorry I went too far."

"You're doing a great job as the voice of my conscience," said Ben lightly. "I haven't been making much progress with the issue and needed the stick sharpened anyway..." The tentative smile on his lips died away as he stared down and bit his lower lip. It had hurt back when it happened; it still hurt and he wasn't sure if it would ever stop hurting, but denying it wasn't going to make it go away. "Fuck, that was a load of bullshit." He swallowed and made a small noise in his throat. In a very low voice, almost a whisper, he asked, "Hold me?"

Qui immediately stepped forward and pulled Ben in, tucking Ben's head under his chin and holding him close. Ben wrapped his arms around Qui's middle, pressing his ear against Qui's chest. For several minutes they stood silently in a tight embrace as Ben let the steady heartbeat and warmth soothe him.

"What can I do to help?" Qui murmured as he kissed the top of Ben's head.

"Exactly what you're doing now." Ben squeezed a little harder.

Another silence lingered as Qui very slowly rubbed Ben's back.

"It's been difficult to dig into just how much pain there really was." Ben sighed and moved his head slightly away from Qui's breast. "It was hard enough dealing with trying to sort out who I was as I got older... what it meant to be gay." He looked up. "At the same time I was trying to come to terms with what sort of relationship I had with my father."

"Both of those are tough situations, not easy for anyone to handle."

"I think things would have just dragged along for years if I hadn't got caught." Ben shuddered. "That had to have been the worst night of my life."

"Would you be too upset if I told you that was probably the luckiest day of mine?"

"What?" Ben stepped back far enough to put a hand on each of Qui's shoulders, his arms straight. "How can you say that?"

"If you hadn't been forced to leave home, I would never have met you." Qui rubbed his thumb along Ben's cheek. "And my life would be immensely poorer for that loss."

"That's..." Ben's throat tightened and he couldn't speak for a moment. Finally he took Qui's hand and kissed the palm. "That's downright romantic."

A lopsided half smile preceded the slow lean as Qui slid one hand behind Ben's head and gently pressed his lips to Ben's mouth. He held the kiss for a long moment, then rested his forehead against Ben's.

"I want to be there for you when you need help," Qui murmured.

Ben smiled and started to reach for Qui for another kiss. He was almost knocked off his feet, however, by a hard head shoving against his leg.

"Dammit, what is your problem, dog?" Ben rubbed his knee.

"I suspect it's probably time for her to eat." Qui glanced at his watch. "We need to head back if we don't want to be late for supper."

They walked back hand-in-hand, talking about the work Ben was doing in his journal and some of his early feelings about his family, how much he had looked up to his father and tried to earn his respect and affection. Ben was feeling better for having had the opportunity to start talking things out and was a little more at peace with himself by the time they returned to the house.

During the meal, Ben was content to let the other three carry most of the conversation. He was struck yet again by the ranger's easy charm. Ben remembered that Jane had expressed her admiration when they had visited Liz and Linda, but Qui was clearly a hit with both women, whether it was his compliments on Jane's cooking or his sincere interest in Rafa's questions about the wildlife conservation programs in the Keo. Afterward Qui insisted on washing the dishes; Ben dried as they chatted about Tai Chi and their schedules for the next few weeks.

When Qui had to leave for a promised visit to the Wildlife Conservation Center, Jane pressed a bag of leftover meatloaf and apple pie on him. He bussed her on the cheek and jokingly threatened to stop by more often at mealtimes if they were all as good as this one. Ben walked out to the truck with Qui, resting his elbows on the open window as Qui fastened his seat belt. "Thanks for coming. I appreciated it tremendously."

"It was my pleasure." Qui put a hand on Ben's shoulder, gave a quick squeeze. "I want you to remember that you don't have to try to solve your problems alone."

"I will." Ben glanced at the house, deciding not to risk a kiss since he couldn't tell if Rafa was watching or not. "See you Monday morning, right?"

"Monday morning, nine o'clock. Since it's your day off and I don't have to go in until the afternoon, would you like to take a run and get some more apples?"

"That would be great. See you then."

Ben stepped back and waved as the truck started down the driveway. He stood watching until it was completely out of sight, then finally went back in the house with a smile on his face.

Chapter Twenty-Four is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/29213.html

FIC: Master's Voice, 22/28

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 20:37:34 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§ Chapter Twenty-Two §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ben was still tired and very sore when he woke the next morning. He lay drowsing for several minutes, thinking about Qui's brief confession of love before they had been interrupted. It made him feel warm inside and reminded him of some of the other things Qui had told him. He was much more satisfied with his contribution to the rescue effort after sleeping on it, but couldn't bury his nagging concerns for Qui's safety despite the ranger's protestations. When he finally pulled himself out of bed, Ben decided stretching exercises were all he was going to be able to manage.

Upstairs at breakfast, Jane handed him the local newspaper folded back to a page prominently displaying a picture of Mack Windham with the family gathered around the rescued girl's hospital bed. There was a smaller, older side-picture of the girl and the dog. Ben read the article over his cereal, smiling as he noted how little mention it held of a certain tall, lanky ranger, although there were profuse thanks for the Forest Service and the volunteer searchers. He wondered idly what else might be in back issues of the newspapers, and decided to do a little research when he had some time.

The phone rang; Ben was closest, so he got up and answered it.

"Brandon residence."

"Ben?"

"Speaking."

"It's Qui. We've got a lead in an ongoing case, so I'm going to be out of touch for a few days and need to move our next session."

"Don't they give you a break even after something like yesterday?"

"No rest for sinners or for rangers during the summer." The good humor came through the phone line. "I should be off Monday if all goes well. How does that work for you?"

"Perfect, that's my next day off as well. What time?"

"Nine in the morning would be good."

"Great. See you then."

Despite Qui's absence, Friday, Saturday and Sunday passed more quickly than Ben would have thought. He snagged an extra two hours of overtime both days of the weekend as one of the interns left to go back to school. The garden needed much of his attention with the ripening of many of the early plantings. He eased back into his exercise routine and caught up with his email obligations to Maureen. Qui's profession of love had spurred hopes of increased progress in their physical intimacy; Ben found his love figuring ever more prominently in his dreams and had begun sleeping in the soft green t-shirt he had hijacked, despite his normal preference for nudity in bed.

The weather Monday morning was very warm after a relatively cool Sunday. Ben pulled up beside the small house on the stroke of nine, but the profound silence after he turned off Myrna's engine was unsettling. The garage was closed and there was no sign of the truck. Ben walked around the house, knocked on the front door, and called out, but heard no response. He decided to wait; it was fifteen minutes later that his patience was rewarded when the old truck rattled up and parked next to him.

"Hey, how's it going?" asked Ben.

"Sorry I'm late." Qui climbed out of the truck and stretched, still in uniform. "We ended up chasing our tails for the last few days trying to get the drop on a ring of thieves that's been haunting several of the campgrounds."

"Catch any of them?"

"We got two, but we think there are at least another four out there." Qui yawned and unbuckled his equipment belt. "We'll try again next weekend, since that's when they've been most active."

Ben looked closer. Qui had a heavy growth of stubble and his uniform was rumpled. "You look pretty bushed. If they had you out all night, I can come back some other time so you can sleep."

"Out most of the last three days, actually, but as long as I'm still up I'd rather get the session in." Qui grinned. "You'll not be getting out of it that easily, boyo. I can always sleep later."

"If you're sure..." Ben said hesitantly.

"I'm sure. Just let me put my gear away and get these boots off." Qui headed for the front door. "You can grab some bottles of water from the refrigerator in the kitchen and throw them in the cooler if you want to make yourself useful. I'll meet you around the side."

Ben followed Qui inside. It was the first time he had been invited back in since his illness and he hoped it was another sign of Qui's growing trust. He found the small cooler on the counter next to several empty bottles evidently waiting to be cleaned and refilled, got two reusable cold packs from the freezer and put in four containers of water from the refrigerator. He added a bottle of orange juice he found with the water, then carried it outside to the picnic table. Five minutes later, Qui came out barefoot but still in his green uniform pants and white t-shirt. Ben handed him the juice.

"Thanks, that was thoughtful of you." Qui drank the entire bottle, leaning his head back to get the last swallow. "That hit the spot. Let's get started."

The session went smoothly. Ben was impressed yet again with Qui's uncanny ability to focus even when he was so obviously tired. Qui took him completely through the square form four times, catching every fault of execution with gentle corrections and praise for the final rendition.

"I still think that's a lot more work than it looked when you did it," Ben complained. He stood beside the faded table glugging a bottle of water.

"Once you have mastered the full form AND the philosophy, it will give energy back to you," Qui responded with a grin. "You just have to be putting quite a lot of energy in first before you get to that stage."

"Philosophy." Ben wrinkled his nose as he pulled a second bottle of water from the small cooler. "The last book on that topic I read was in college, Persig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. It was not really what I thought it was going to be." He waved dismissively.

Qui laughed. "No, I suppose it wouldn't be." He took a sip of water. "I seem to recall there was some discussion of the beauty of technology in there, however."

"He did have a few interesting points, but by the time I got done writing the paper on it, I was thoroughly tired of the damned thing. Maybe I'll revisit it one of these days, though." Ben took another long drink, then stepped over to stand beside Qui's shoulder and hesitated. "Look, I can leave if you want to get some sleep."

"I probably should, but it's such a beautiful day it seems a shame to waste it lying slug-a-bed." Qui rose and put a hand on Ben's shoulder. "We can at least sit together for a bit if you'd like."

"I would very much like." Ben smiled diffidently. "Thanks."

"It is literally my pleasure, my boy."

Qui led the way to a shady spot under a large tree along the edge of the grass. He leaned back and settled himself, spread his legs and nodded.

Ben pulled his sneakers and socks off and happily sat down on the grass, nestling his back against Qui's chest. He rested his head on Qui's shoulder and relaxed into the warm embrace.

"Mmmmm... so good," murmured Ben as he closed his eyes.

For several minutes, a peaceful serenity held sway. Qui's hand absently fondled Ben's neck and shoulders, but soon slipped off. Ben felt a quiet rumble and a slow rise and fall at his back. He smiled gently as a soft snore escaped.

Ben stayed still for another long moment, but eventually opened his eyes wide as a daring thought came to him. He looked down to either side, then very slowly reached to pick up Qui's hands. He carefully moved them, wary of any stirring at his back, sliding them under his t-shirt. He let the hands lie flat, holding them against the bare skin of his stomach.

"Oh, sweet Jesus... oh, that is so good," breathed Ben. A sound halfway between a whimper and a moan escaped his lips as he closed his eyes again. "If this is living in the moment, I hope this one never ends," he whispered.

Boneless except for a light touch atop those wonderful hands, Ben let himself drift in the warmth of the sun. He was content to simply bask in the luxury of that magnificent feeling.

Despite the undeniable pleasantness of his morning, eventually an unpleasant niggling in his middle forced itself into Ben's awareness. He cracked an eyelid and considered the sensation. It quickly became a very specific and localized pressure as his bladder made its fullness known. He cursed all the extra coffee he had indulged in for breakfast that morning and the extra water after their session; Ben tried to ignore the problem for as long as he could, but that only made it worse. He shifted his weight, which caused Qui to stir behind him.

"Shit," Ben said softly as Qui's arms tightened around him. "Not good..." He sucked in a breath as Qui moved again. "Let go, big guy," Ben said a little louder. He tried to loosen the grip of those heavy hands.

"Hmmghgh," mumbled Qui as he pulled Ben closer. "What?"

"Qui!" Ben almost squeaked as Qui squeezed. "Let go! Please!"

"Something wrong?" Qui peered over Ben's shoulder, a puzzled expression in his sleepy eyes. "Did I do that?" He moved his hands along Ben's stomach. Unfortunately he pressed directly on Ben's distinctly unhappy bladder.

"I've got to take a piss. Now!" hissed Ben. "I hope your damned trees don't mind a little extra water." He pried Qui's hands away and carefully scrambled up.

"Sure... over that way or you can use the bathroom." Qui waved vaguely further into the woods as he yawned and stretched.

"Not gonna make it to the bathroom." Ben moved as fast as he dared until he was out of sight behind a very broad tree, unzipping the fly of his jeans as he went. He leaned against the trunk with one hand as he cut loose with a tremendous sigh of relief.

Heading back toward the clearing, Ben met Qui coming from the house.

"Hey... sorry about that. Didn't mean to wake you." Ben rolled one shoulder.

"When you have to go, you have to go." Qui tilted his head a little to match his half-smile. "Were my hands doing a little sleepwalking under your shirt?"

"Ummm... no." Ben smiled sheepishly. "I did that myself. I hope that doesn't bother you too much." His smile turned anxious as he rubbed a hand along his thigh.

"Ah." Qui sighed. "I'm not moving fast enough for you, am I?" His brow was furrowed, his lips pursed.

"No... I mean, it's fine..." Ben started to speak, but the words caught in his throat a moment. He scuffled a toe in the grass as he looked down. "I don't want to push any faster than you are ready to go."

Qui gathered Ben into his arms. With one hand he tucked Ben's head under his chin, while his other hand moved under Ben's t-shirt and rubbed his back.

Ben wrapped his arms around Qui's middle and held him tight.

"Ben... I want you, I really do... but you've got me all betwixt and between."

"Hmmmph?" Ben mumbled against Qui's chest.

"My heart tells me that I love you... but I've spent forty-odd years thinking I was one sort of person, and my head is still confused about who or what I am right now." Qui slid his hand around Ben's neck to lift his chin up, letting his thumb slip gently along Ben's cheek. He inclined his head down to softly nuzzle Ben's lips. "Give me a little more time?"

"It's a relationship worth investing in, love." Ben tried to smile reassuringly, mildly disconcerted at Qui's accurate assessment of his growing frustration. "I can surely afford time; it's little enough to offer."

"Thank you." Qui leaned in a little further for a long, lingering kiss, his tongue tentatively asking permission to explore, permission which was eagerly granted. He kept the pressure light, but let his hands roam up and down Ben's back until the kiss broke and he raised his head.

Ben looked up, savoring the lingering taste on his lips. He lifted a hand, running his fingertips across the bristly chin. He traced the lines along the edges of his ranger's face and running down the sides of his mouth, gazing into the bloodshot eyes. Regretfully, he pulled back. "I shouldn't be keeping you awake. You still look awfully tired."

"It has been a long week and I do need more sleep." Qui rested a hand on each of Ben's shoulders. "Do you want to stay?"

"Huh?"

"I trust you not to have your wicked way with me if you'd be wanting to have a lie-down beside me." Qui looked into Ben's eyes.

"You don't have to do that, you know."

"I want to."

"I guess I could do with a nap myself." Ben smiled bashfully.

"Be right back." Qui had a little grin as he strode toward the house.

Ben took several slow, deep breaths as he stood under the tree, shaking his hands to dispel the tension in his gut. He watched as Qui quickly returned with two pillows, a sleeping pad, an unzipped sleeping bag and flannel sheet.

Qui laid the pad, bag and pillows in the grass. He set the sheet along the side, then knelt on the open sleeping bag. After that he looked up at Ben, and, with a devilishly delicious smile, slowly pulled off his t-shirt.

Biting his lower lip, Ben watched as Qui lay down and stretched. When the ranger beckoned to him, Ben swallowed at the sight of all that wonderful bare skin, sternly willing his burgeoning erection to go away. "Are you sure that's such a good idea?" he asked hoarsely.

"I trust you, remember?"

"I'm not sure I trust me."

"Your choice, Mr. Kennan." Qui plumped his pillow and pulled the sheet over his legs. "I'm going to sleep."

"Oh, Jesus," Ben said weakly. He swallowed again and tried to remember to breathe. "To hell with it." He pulled his t-shirt off and dove down before he could change his mind. He felt a long arm pull him in. A rumbling laugh vibrated under his head as he laid it on Qui's chest, and snuggled closer, listening to the deep, even breathing, savoring the exquisite feel of skin on skin. Ben happily settled in for a few hours of bliss.

**************** ***************

Although individual hours separated from his love seemed increasingly difficult to endure, time as a whole inevitably marched onward as September moved through its second week.

Dennis and Margaret held a staff meeting for everybody to discuss upcoming events. October would mark a major seasonal shift for the business: one intern had already gone back to school; Jake would be leaving soon to move to his winter home; Bobby was hoping to switch over to full-time only at Rugers by the end of the month; and Mattie had asked to stay on for twenty hours a week as part of her work-study program with the university. Although Midway would not revert to their six-day-a-week schedule until November, Frank was already interviewing candidates for potential part-time assistance during the winter.

At home, Jane took Ben on a detailed tour of the garden, pointing out row by row her expectations for which items should be harvested each week and explaining the work they would need to do after the last harvest to till in a new layer of organic material without disturbing the rows of perennial vegetables along one end. She smiled as Ben's eyes glazed over during the talk of planting cycles, sun exposure, decomposition times, nutrient levels and storage requirements for root vegetables. Ben had answered "Yes, ma'am" at appropriate intervals, but was more than happy to escape when Jane finally laughed and said she would just remind him later when things needed to be done.

One evening Ben was washing dishes after supper when Jane came in the back door, took the cloth from his hand and suggested it would be nice if he went out to the barn for a spell. Ben had learned that it was useless to ask questions when she had that particular little half-smile, so he went out and found Rafa ensconced inside Celesta's stall staring dismally at a stack of books next to her backpack. Ben hung over the half-door, carefully asking casual questions until Rafa finally admitted she was feeling overwhelmed after her first full week of classes.

"My high school was small and the university is so big," said Rafa, frustration clear in her voice. "There are so many people, but I feel lost and alone." She thumped the stack of books. "And I think I signed up for too many hard classes. All the professors seem to think theirs is the only class that counts and I already have much more homework than I thought there would be."

"May I take a look?"

"Of course."

Ben went into the stall and sat down against one wall. He looked through the books: American history, English literature, introductory calculus, chemistry, advanced Spanish and several workbooks.

"This does seem quite a load to start with. What sort of courses were you taking your last year in high school?"

"All the college prep and honors courses I could fit in, but there weren't that many available. And the teachers were so much more friendly."

"Let's think about this for a bit, Rafa. In high school, you had known everybody for several years, you knew where you fit in and were comfortable. You said you were also working at home while keeping up top grades, right?"

Rafa nodded impatiently. "But that was different then. It was a lot easier and now I just feel stupid."

"Somebody must have thought you were pretty smart if they gave you a full academic scholarship," Ben reminded her. "You've had topics like this before, but now you're just having a lot thrown at you while you're also trying to get used to a very different environment. It's a tough adjustment for most people, but I think you can handle it if you get organized." Ben turned on his most charming smile. "I thought I was going to die my first month in college, so it's not just you, believe me."

Cel dozed in a corner, one leg cocked, as Ben regaled Rafa with tales of his freshman woes and mishaps until he finally coaxed a relaxed smile and laugh from her. As they talked about methods for getting organized, Ben suggested some study groups as a way to both meet people and work on academics, and offered to help with the math as that seemed to be the most troublesome subject. When Ben left an hour later, Rafa thanked him and offered a shy hug.

Quilan Finn stayed very much in Ben's thoughts. They could only fit in one session that week, an early morning already turning crisp that allowed just a few extra minutes for some brief but flavorful kisses before they both had to depart for work. Memories of that wondrous day of lying skin to skin under the sun made his evenings and mornings harder to deal with, the result of which was that his right hand was getting quite a workout. He cursed the erratic schedules they both had, cursed the need for this cautious progress in their relationship and worked harder than ever at trying to stay focused at his job.

There was one particularly notable event that occluded thoughts of his frustrating love life, at least for a little while. One morning Ben came up to find that Jane and Rafa had prepared a huge breakfast spread with his favorite food. He was mystified when Jane sat him down and told him breakfast was in his honor. A moment later she produced an envelope and handed it to him with a flourish. Ben opened it and pulled out a receipt marked paid in full.

"Congratulations, Ben Kennan. You are fully caught up with all back rent, security deposits and this month's rent to boot." Jane and Rafa both had big smiles.

Ben's grin stretched from ear to ear as he smoothed the piece of paper out on the table. Joy swept through him and he laughed. "Thank you, ma'am, for putting up with me this long. I guess it's better late than never."

"It's a pleasure having you around, son. You just keep working away at your dreams, and you'll get there sooner than you think."

All through breakfast Ben kept looking over at the paper and grinning again. After breakfast he was not allowed to help with the cleanup, and both women sent him off with a hug and another smile. As he rode to work, he beamed when he realized that he could finally start putting away money towards resuming his college degree. He floated through that entire day.

Chapter Twenty-Three is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/29133.html

FIC: Master's Voice, 21/28

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 23:40:39 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

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§ Chapter Twenty-One §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two mornings later, Ben was at work for an early shift, taking care of the first jobs in the door, when he received a phone call at eight-thirty. The Keo emergency response coordinator was looking for volunteers for a search party. Since Jake was due in shortly, Frank released him to go, charging the time off to his community service leave.

Ben pulled up in the designated assembly area, parking in the midst of several trucks, vans, cars and a few other motorcycles. What he had learned from his first miserable experience had caused him to go out to several thrift shops to find a long-sleeved canvas shirt and gloves, as well as a used day pack for extra water and supplies. He had found a pocket multi-tool that was missing one of its pieces and picked that up as well. He pulled his gear from a pannier, then put on his Midway cap and joined several others hurrying to the reporting point, where he could see about fifty people already milling about.

"Listen up, listen up!" A ranger called out, then waited atop a bench until the group quieted. "I'm Ranger Perkins, coordinator for this search. First, I want to thank everyone for coming out today. Second, let me tell you what our situation is."

Ben listened as the ranger explained that a young girl had apparently wandered off early that morning looking for her dog. When her absence was discovered, her two brothers tried to find her and were now lost as well. Ben's attention wavered a bit when he noticed Qui moving along the back of the group, occasionally stopping to pull a person out for a brief talk. His uniform today was a heavier fabric with long sleeves, cargo pocket pants, hiking boots, baseball style cap and sunglasses tucked into a shirt pocket. He wore his equipment belt which now also held a canteen and long hunting knife in addition to his usual handgun and assortment of other gear.

"The biggest problem is that the little girl has a medical condition and will be due for her medicine soon." A murmur of concern swept the crowd. "We are going to take most of you out on a standard search for the boys with Ranger Shanto and me," he nodded to the short black ranger next to him, "and we will send out a small, fast search team with Ranger Finn to look for the girl. Only those with special expertise and in excellent condition will be going with Ranger Finn and the dogs. I need the rest of you to start forming into two groups over here so we can get water issued and head out."

Qui had almost reached the end of the group and only six people seemed to have met whatever criteria he was using for his selections. Ben stepped into his path.

"I want to go with you," Ben said quietly.

"You don't have the experience or woods-sense to take care of yourself on this type of search." Qui was clearly in full professional mode. "I can't afford to be worrying about you if you fall behind or hurt yourself." He gestured impatiently and started to turn away. "You're better off with the main group."

"I WILL keep up," said Ben. He moved to intercept Qui again. "I may not have anything even approaching your expertise out here, but I've got other skills and I'm very damned stubborn. I have this feeling that you will need me today."

"You don't know what you're talking about." Qui and Ben stared at each other, almost toe to toe, for a long moment, before Qui tightened his jaw. "I don't have time for this."

"I need to come," Ben reiterated, holding his ground.

Qui leaned down. "If I let you come, you obey orders, no questions asked, no smartass back talk, and if I tell you to stay put somewhere, you will plant your damned arse there until someone comes for you. Understood?"

"Yes, sir."

Qui glared one more time, then curtly nodded and headed for the rest of his group.

There were nine people altogether: Qui, Ben, a wiry middle-aged man with two dogs, five other men and one woman. Qui looked them over before speaking.

"Once we get out of the vehicle, we will be moving hard and fast, so anybody who does not have a sense of urgency or thinks he won't be able to keep up, should join the other group now." Qui waited for a three-count. "Alright, everybody in the truck and we'll issue gear on the way."

Twenty minutes later the group disembarked on the edge of a campground. Qui had passed out a medical kit to a man he called Doc, and then distributed a portable collapsible stretcher, a long-range radio, bottles of water, energy bars, ropes and rappelling gear, maps and compasses. Qui carried his share of equipment as well as a rifle slung over his back. He had briefed them on the way, so when they met another ranger with a red-eyed man and woman, it was only a matter of moments for the dogs to get a scent from some of the girl's clothing and they were off.

Four hours later, Ben was grateful for the first long break as the dogs cast up and down the banks of a broad stream trying to recover the lost scent. His t-shirt under the open canvas shirt was soaked with sweat, his legs ached and he thought he might never get enough oxygen again. Although not a flat-out pace, Qui had pushed them relentlessly wherever the terrain allowed with only short, occasional breaks and Ben was having second thoughts about the wisdom of his decision to insist on being included. At least there is one other person who looks almost as tired as I feel, he thought to himself as he looked at the oldest man in their group, but he's a doctor, so I guess that's why Qui wanted him along. Ben took a long pull from a water bottle as he leaned against a tree.

A shout from the hillside a few hundred meters upstream drew everyone's attention. It turned out that the taciturn woman in the group was a marathon runner; she had gone ranging in one direction while Qui had gone in the other, leaving the others to rest. Qui came trotting up and ordered everyone to their feet. The woman waved, and as they got closer they could see a piece of cloth in her hand. The dogs began yelping, and they were off again.

After another two hours of scrambling up and down hills and gullies, splashing across streams and getting scratched by the ever-denser woods and brush, Ben was well beyond second thoughts and was heartily cursing whichever evil demon had planted the incredibly stupid notion in his head that he had any business being out here. He hung on grimly, doing his best to watch his assigned portion of the search line, but knew it wouldn't be too much longer before he was going to have to ask for a rest and be damned to whatever scrap of pride he might have left. It wasn't any consolation that Qui had probably traveled at least twice as far as anyone else as he criss-crossed back and forth across the search line.

High-pitched yapping followed by an angry roar snapped everyone's heads up. The thin scream that followed galvanized them into a fast but cautious lope through the trees. Qui stopped them as they came to the edge of a small clearing, motioning to them to drop down to a knee.

A young girl was lying in some grass near a fringe of trees; a mid-size brown and white mongrel stood in front of her, bristling and growling. About fifteen feet away, a black bear stood at the base of a small tree, rearing up on her back legs. A bawl from high in the tree revealed a cub clinging to the slender trunk.

"Norm, get your dogs back down the hill and keep them close," whispered Qui. He motioned to the rest of the group to get down as he unslung his rifle. "Zeb, if she charges, can you bring her down?"

A medium-set man in a camouflage shirt looked out across the clearing for a moment, then nodded resolutely.

"You only shoot if she charges, got that? She's just trying to protect her cub and I don't want her harmed if we can help it."

"Understood."

Qui handed over the rifle. "I'll circle around and get the girl. If the bear heads in this direction, get out of her way; she's only going to be wanting to escape." He put a hand on Zeb's shoulder. "I may need a distraction. If I raise my hand, I want you to fire one shot straight up."

"Hand up, one shot. Got it."

"Good man." Qui took off his equipment belt, then leaned in very close. "Kennan, hold this. Don't touch the pistol and if you lose it, I'll have your hide in little strips."

"Yes, sir." Ben slipped the belt over his left shoulder and under his right arm, then buckled it securely. When he looked up, Qui was gone.

Zeb took up position next to a tree, leaning against it to help steady his aim. Ben remained with the others, kneeling several feet further back. He felt his pulse racing with tension and uncertainty. Time dragged as the standoff in the sunlit small clearing continued, the dog still growling and the bear now on all fours, rocking back and forth on her front legs.

“What’s going to happen?” whispered Ben softly to the closest person, the female marathon runner.

The woman glanced at him and whispered back. “Hopefully, nothing will happen until Ranger Finn makes it happen. It looks like the dog won’t leave the girl and the bear won’t leave her cub. The whole thing probably shouldn’t have happened as black bears typically prefer to run or go up a tree.” She shrugged. “The girl and dog probably surprised the bears, the cub made a mistake and climbed a tree too small for the sow to follow. The girl is most likely either too terrified or too exhausted to try to leave. So here we sit.”

“But what –“

“Shhhh.” Zeb glared at Ben for a second, then returned his attention to the front.

Ben went quiet, chewing on his lower lip as he began scanning the trees, searching for signs of movement. Any hint of a breeze had died, and sweat trickled down his temples. The hard leather of Qui’s equipment belt seemed to bite into his palm and fingers as he clutched it tightly with his left hand. Try as he might to be silent, his breathing sounded stentorian in his ears, a rocky rush of air that held too little oxygen and drowned out any other noises around him.

A shadow drifting along the far edge of the open area caught Ben's attention. He focused intently on the movement, finally glimpsing a form crawling through the grass. His hands clenched even tighter, knuckles white. Every individual beat of his heart sounded loud and sluggish as he watched helplessly. Suddenly a large hand reached up and pulled the dog down; a muffled yip sounded in the stillness.

The tension was a palpable haze as Qui crouched low, holding the dog under one arm and grabbing the shirt collar of the weeping youngster. Slowly, ever so slowly, he began backing away toward the trees.

Ben's heart stopped as the bear reared high and grunted, swinging its head back and forth as if puzzled by this new turn of events. Qui slowed even further, barely moving, inching along bit by bit toward the refuge of the forest.

The bear dropped to all fours. It growled as it took two tentative steps forward, its white teeth gleaming. Qui froze. Zeb raised the rifle and took careful aim.

Ben felt as if time was suspended... he couldn't breathe, he couldn't turn away, he couldn't feel the ground under him.

A bawl from high above shattered the tableau. The bear turned back to look up at its cub. The ranger quickly pulled his burdens into the shade and out of danger.

Breath whooshed out in a huge sigh of relief as Ben collapsed into a boneless crouch. Sensation and awareness returned with a crash; his eyes stung from sweat, his legs throbbed and his lungs burned. He had barely sucked in three deep breaths when Qui appeared through the trees.

"Take the dog," whispered Qui as he thrust the squirming animal into the arms of one of the men. "We need to get away from here now. Keep quiet and follow me."

Ben struggled to his feet and joined the silent exodus trailing the ranger. Zeb was the last, keeping a wary eye backward until the clearing was out of sight. After ten minutes of traveling uphill, Qui stopped and put the girl down in a sunny spot.

"Doc, take a look at her and give her the medicine we brought. I didn't have a chance to do an exam, but she dropped off as I was carrying her around and her breathing is very shallow."

"Right." The older man opened the medical kit. "Isaac, you were an Army medic, right?"

A slender young black man nodded. "Six years. What can I do to help?"

"Start on her vital signs while I get the drugs ready to inject."

Ben stood back with the rest of the team as the two men began their work. He looked up as Zeb joined them.

"We're clear, Ranger Finn. The bear stayed with her cub." He handed back the rifle.

"Good." Qui checked the safety before slinging the rifle across his back, then pulled out a map. "Margarethe, can you find Norm and his dogs and have them join us?" He pointed to some spots on the map. "This was our last position, we're here now, and Norm should be waiting in this area, which isn't all that far."

"No problem." The woman loped off.

Qui came over to where Ben was standing. "Still with us?" he asked dryly as he held out a hand.

"A little the worse for wear, but yes, sir." Ben unbuckled the equipment belt and gave it back.

"Thanks." After settling the wide belt around his hips, Qui pulled out a small radio. He turned it on, made several adjustments, listened as he shifted a knob, then finally flipped a toggle and the static that had been pouring out died. He shook his head.

A muffled curse drew everyone's attention to where the two men were working on the young girl. Doc looked up, his jaw taut. "It's not looking good, Finn. She's on the edge of going into shock and is not reacting as well as she should to the meds. We need to get her back to proper medical care quickly."

"Do what you can for her." Qui motioned to another man in the group, a thirtyish muscular man who had effortlessly kept up the pace while carrying the heaviest load. "Walter, we have to set up the long-range radio. This is a notoriously bad area for communications and the handhelds and cell phones won't work out here."

"You got it." Walter smiled cheerfully and pulled his pack off. He began pulling out pieces of equipment while Qui checked on the medical progress.

Ben shifted his feet as he stood around feeling quite useless. He sighed and went to plunk himself down next to the last members of the group, two young men who had already stretched out for a rest.

"Hey," said Ben tentatively as he pulled out his last bottle of water and took a sip. "Tori and Togi, wasn't it?"

"Yup," replied one blond laconically without opening his eyes.

"I'm Tori, that lout is cousin Togi." The other blond grinned. "Enjoying the show?"

"I think I'm too tired to enjoy anything except the prospect of getting home again." Ben managed a small grin in return. "This isn't anything like the other search group I went out with. What is supposed to happen now?"

"This isn't a typical search. They usually go a lot slower trying to cover more ground with bigger teams, but Ranger Finn is like a whole search team of his own when he gets going on these rough ones." Tori shook his head admiringly. "Togi and I have hunted and hiked these woods since we were kids, and I've never seen anyone better."

"He does seem to really know what he's doing. But what happens next today?" Ben persisted.

"Well, Norm and the dogs should be back shortly, but the main thing is what kind of shape that kid is in. If Doc says she stable, we'll set up the litter and carry her out." Another big grin. "That's mainly why we were asked along, extra muscle not just for the search but to help with the litter shifts. If she's in bad shape, which is what it's sounding like, they'll radio out for a helicopter. After they pick up the girl, we'll walk back out. If we get lucky, there'll be a service road we can reach and they'll send a truck out to meet us partway." He looked around the thick forest. "If they have to send a chopper, it might be tough finding a landing zone around here, though."

"Hey, you three make yourselves useful," called Qui. "We need to get the long wire antenna up a tree."

"Can do." Tori yanked Togi's arm. "Come on, move your lazy ass before I kick it."

"Yeah, yeah," mumbled Togi as he slowly stood up, "you and what army, ya wuss?"

Ben followed the cousins as they continued to snipe at each other.

Walter looked up as they approached. He handed them a canvas bag. "Antenna's in here. Easiest way to install it is to find something heavy, tie it to the end of the line, and heave it over a branch. If that doesn't work, one of you will need to climb a tree and pull it up."

"We'll take care of it," said Tori as he grabbed the bag. He headed for the biggest tree near them while Togi began searching for rocks.

"That should do it," said Walter with a satisfied smile. He patted the compact rectangle, then began carefully turning switches and knobs.

Ben stepped back out of the way and alternated his attention between the radio operator and the medical operation, wondering once again what had possessed him when he had insisted on coming along. He was tired, hungry and embarrassed by his realization of how ill-suited he was for this work.

"Radio ready?" Qui had come up soundlessly. "It looks like we're probably going to have to get a medevac."

"I followed all of the instructions to the letter and it should be working, but nothing's happening." Walter looked up, his brows furrowed. "The other ranger checked it out before we left and it worked fine. Let me swap the battery and see if that helps."

Tori and Togi came up behind Qui and looked on. Margarethe, Norm and the dogs trotted up to join the crowd.

"You got the girl, I take it?" asked Norm.

"We did, but she's not in very good shape. We'll see if we can get her airlifted and then walk out, so you may as well get some rest," answered Qui, not taking his eyes off the radio.

"Sounds good. We'll be close by."

"I can't get it to come on. I don't know what's wrong." Walter leaned back, a frustrated scowl on his face.

Qui knelt down and began checking the various controls. He shook his head as nothing happened, then rubbed a finger along the back. "Walter, you took a couple of spills when we hit those loose rock patches this morning. Do you think you might have landed on it, perhaps?"

"Could have, I guess. I don't really remember." Walter picked up his pack and looked at it. "There are some mud and grass stains, and this little rip here on the side." He bit his lip. "Jesus, I feel terrible if I broke the damned thing. I've never had that happen before." He lifted his shoulders helplessly, his face pale. "I'm just the pack mule and basic operator. I don't know how to fix the equipment."

"It's alright." Qui looked over at Doc. Doc's jaw tightened and he shook his head at the unspoken question. "Damn," said Qui softly as everyone looked at him for guidance.

Everyone except Ben, who was staring down at the radio.

"Let me check it out," said Ben. He looked up at Qui. "I may not have woods sense, but I'm pretty good with machines."

A long moment's gaze from those deep blue eyes, then a single nod. Qui turned away. "The rest of you get that antenna up. We'll need to have it ready to go as soon as Ben fixes the radio."

An electric spark raced through Ben at the casual show of confidence, followed by a brief stab of dismay at the responsibility that had also been assigned. He quickly set both feelings aside and focused on the task at hand.

"Let's see what we've got then, shall we?" Ben smiled at the guilt-stricken Walter and set to work.

The first thing Ben did was spread his canvas shirt to prevent any loose parts from getting lost. He laid out the box and accessories, nodding when he found a small spare parts kit. Ben checked the exterior of the radio case, noting several dents. Using his multitool, he unscrewed the case and grinned as he saw a schematic on the inside of the case.

Ben hummed to himself as he began troubleshooting. Within a few minutes he had narrowed down the most likely problem as inability to access the power source. The batteries themselves appeared to be fine, but when Ben pulled out a circuit board from the bottom of the unit, he saw a few small cracks. He traced them down and found a dislocated and twisted connector. He bent all of his attention to the problem, unaware that the tip of his tongue was sticking out of the corner of his mouth. Using the smallest pick on the tool and a piece of stiff wire, he gently nudged the connector back into place, cautiously forcing it onto the nib of the battery. He carefully replaced the board and then laid the entire unit down on the shirt.

Taking a deep breath, Ben sat back and rolled his shoulders to release the tension that had built up. He glanced up to find Qui looking down at him with a raised eyebrow. Ben smiled, casually reached for the radio controls and flipped the on switch, watching happily the twitching of Qui's mouth as the indicator light glowed green and a hiss of static burst forth.

Qui gave no other outward sign of emotion. "Good. Walter, get the antenna connected and set the frequency."

"On it." Walter quickly and efficiently got the system hooked up and on the air. He chewed on his upper lip as he anxiously tuned it, then sighed in relief as he made contact. "Got it." He handed the microphone to Qui.

Consulting his map, Qui called in the medevac request and relayed the information on the route his team would be using to walk out. He handed the mike back and turned to the rest of the team.

"We're set. The only close pickup point is well over a mile away through some rough terrain, so I'll take the girl myself to make better time. Doc, wrap her in a blanket and I'll carry her." He pointed to his map. "Margarethe, take the team and head for this service road along here. Take the girl's dog with you. I'll join you on the road. Any questions?" He waited a moment as Margarethe folded her own map and put it into a pocket. "Good. I'll leave now; the rest of you pack everything up and leave as soon as you're ready."

As Doc finished preparing the sick child, Qui stopped beside Ben and laid a hand on his shoulder. "Good work, Ben. Thanks." No smile, just a quick squeeze and he was gone.

A warm flush suffused his being as Ben savored the understated compliment. Although it didn't erase the exhaustion seeping into his bones, he finally began to feel that perhaps his presence was at least partially vindicated. He helped Walter put the radio back together and into its pack, then joined the group as they began their hike.

Forty-five minutes later they were slogging along a dirt road when Qui came trotting up, dark streaks of sweat marking his shirt. He gave a thumbs up, which brought smiles to everyone's faces, then took his place walking with the team. It was almost another forty-five minutes before they met a truck and eagerly climbed aboard for the rest of the return trip.

Ben was silent on the ride back. He was too tired to do more than nibble on the sandwich from one of the box lunches which had been provided to everyone, but was grateful for the cold drink. He was occupied with his thoughts, although occasionally he would sneak a glance at Qui, who sat at the back of the vehicle writing up the start of his report on a small notepad.

When they arrived back at their assembly point near a small visitor center, Ben dragged himself out, lagging behind as a representative from the Forest Service stopped each person to verify physical wellbeing and get the proper spellings of names for the official file. Another ranger was there collecting any equipment which had been issued. Once he was released, Ben began trudging toward the parking lot, head down, ignoring the excited chatter and yapping of dogs.

A hand on his shoulder stopped Ben.

"Are you alright? You look beat."

"Tired. I just want to go home," Ben answered, but didn't look around.

Qui dropped his hand and stepped around in front of Ben. "You were very quiet on the trip back. Are you sure there's nothing else wrong?"

Ben took a slow breath, but didn't look up. "Been thinking..." He shrugged.

"Come with me." Qui took Ben's arm and began leading him away.

A few minutes later the two men were sitting across a table in a back room of the visitor center.

"Please talk to me, Ben," said Qui quietly. "You look like you have a serious problem, and I want to help."

Shoulders slumped, Ben leaned forward, resting his weight on his forearms. Fatigue weighed heavily on him, but not as heavily as the questions and emotions that had been swirling in his mind much of the day. Finally he sighed and spoke in a low, rough voice. "A couple of things have been bothering me, I suppose." He faltered.

Qui waited patiently.

"I feel like I should apologize for pushing to go with you. You were right; I don't know what I'm doing out there and I was so worried about trying to keep up, I wasn't any real help on the searching. If we hadn't found that girl when we did, I was so tired I was ready to ask to stop." Ben rolled his lower lip between his teeth. "I felt like a useless dead weight most of the time."

"Ben, you need to understand some things and think about a few others," Qui said firmly. "That was far beyond a normal search. Everyone else on the team has lived here for years and is an avid hunter, runner or hiker, even Doc. Margarethe is even better than me for long distances; she not only runs marathons but is one of the top fifty in the country in competitive orienteering. You were in some very elite company and still stuck with it, although I do have to admit you were looking ragged out toward the end."

"I was dead on my feet. I could have gotten somebody hurt." Ben shook his head and stared down at the table.

"Look at me, young man," said Qui sternly. He paused until Ben raised his head. "You need to take away the positive aspects of what happened. I was not happy you came, but now I'm glad you insisted. If you had not been along and able to fix the radio, we could not have gotten that girl out of there in time. You hung in when you were feeling bad, and then made a critical contribution that was directly responsible for helping save her life. There's more to you than I realized, Ben Kennan. I'm proud of you and you should be proud of yourself."

"I... I'm not sure what to say." Ben felt a tightness in his throat. "I didn't realize she was really that sick."

"She was going into a coma when I got her to the pickup point, and the doctors said another couple of hours' delay could have killed her. You did that, Ben, you helped her to live, and I want you to remember that."

"Thanks. That does make me feel better." Ben took a ragged breath.

There was a brief silence as Qui cocked his head. "Something else is bothering you, isn't it?"

Ben licked his lips, not sure of the right words. "Yes... it's the work you do." He swallowed hard. "The more I find out about what you really do in the Keo, the more concerned I get for your safety."

"What sort of worrying are you doing?"

"I worry about you getting hurt or killed. It started the first time that I realized you carry a gun. And when I saw you out there today... crawling out to retrieve the child and that stupid dog..." Ben waved a hand helplessly. "I was scared shitless when I thought that bear was going to come after you." He shuddered. "All I could think of was you lying there all bloody and torn up, maybe even dead."

"While I appreciate the sentiment, again there are some things you need to understand," said Qui gently. "I was not in any major danger today –"

"I saw that fucking bear, dammit. You were right out there with it."

"Give me some credit for knowing what I'm doing in my own territory," said Qui dryly. "The bear didn't want to be in that situation any more than we wanted her there, and I not only was taking the most non-threatening course of action to extract the girl, but I had backup with Zeb and the rifle. As long as nobody did anything stupid, the probability was very low that the situation would have escalated."

"Oh." Ben chewed the inside of his cheek as he thought. "Maybe I over-reacted... but I also can't help thinking about the fact that you are really a policeman of sorts and people might shoot at you."

"Did I not tell you how few times I've had to draw my gun, let alone fire it? And did I not tell you one of the main reasons that I learned Tai Chi was to be able to defend myself without violence?"

"Yes, sir, I guess you did."

"Forget all that nonsense you see in movies and on television. Enforcement work is 99% tedious routine and perhaps 1% excitement." Qui smiled. "I should make you look at all the paperwork I have to do; you'd quickly realize how dull the job really can be."

Ben reached a hand shyly across the table. "I wouldn't worry if I didn't love you so much," he said softly.

Qui stood up and came around the table and put a hand on Ben's shoulder, squeezing gently. "And I love you, too, Ben." He leaned over to kiss the top of Ben's head.

A knock on the door sent Qui quickly stepping away.

"There you are!" growled Mack Windham. "They found the two brothers and the press is already hounding us for photo ops with the whole family and that idiot dog of theirs. I need the rest of your damned report so we can get it cleared by the PR people."

"Yes, sir. I was just giving our volunteer a little pep talk after such a tough outing, but I'll have it for you in a few minutes." He pointed to Ben. "This is the young man who fixed the radio so we could call in the medevac."

"Kennan, right?" Windham's tone was suddenly smooth and warm. "You're new to the crew?"

"Yes, sir."

"That was some good work out there, son," Windham said, shaking Ben's hand. "We appreciate all of our volunteers and I hope you'll be staying with us. We couldn't make it here in the Keogami without people like you who are willing to sacrifice their time and effort."

"Thank you, sir." Ben stood up. "I am awfully tired and I've already taken up enough of Ranger Finn's time, so I'd better be getting home."

"Get a good rest tonight, Mr. Kennan. You've certainly earned it."

They walked out of the small building and Ben turned toward the parking lot. Myrna got him safely home, where Jane and Rafa fussed over him, telling him what they had heard on the radio and television about the rescue. He went to bed early, but it was only as he was settling under the covers that he allowed himself to savor the words that had been Qui's first declaration of love.

Chapter Twenty-Two is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/28555.html

FIC: Master's Voice, 20/28

Wed, 17 Jun 2009 00:43:04 GMT

Master's Voice by KatBear
This chapter is PG13

Cover page graphic, Intro, notes, etc. page is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/22573.html

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
§ Chapter Twenty §
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next session at Finn's house a few days later was in the morning and started out very much as usual. The ranger was all business when it came to the Tai Chi workout and would not allow any distractions. After the final bow, however, there was a long awkward silence as they looked at each other, not quite sure what to do.

"No second thoughts, I hope?" asked Ben cautiously, mindful of his promise not to push.

"No, no second thoughts." Qui gave a self-deprecating laugh. "I know how I would be proceeding if you were a woman, but I'm feeling rather insecure about my instincts when it comes to you."

"Ah, I could see where that might be a problem." Ben rolled his lower lip between his teeth for a moment. "Men tend to be simpler than women from everything I've heard and seen." He grinned, an impudent cheeky offering, trying to keep things light and hoping it wouldn't be taken the wrong way. "I wouldn't mind at all if you just wanted to go straight to bed."

"Definitely too fast," Qui said firmly. "I like foreplay, lots of it, and learning about a person, and how to be close to someone, before we talk about any of those other gymnastics."

"Sorry, just trying to be helpful." Ben put on an innocently puzzled expression. "What's foreplay?"

"Jaysus." Qui rolled his eyes and sighed gustily. "This is going to take a lot longer than I thought."

"I actually did have a valid idea in there somewhere." Ben shrugged. "Young guys especially are damned horny, and a lot of times it really was pretty much along the lines of 'Hi, how ya doing? Doing fine. You wanna? Yeah, let's do it.' You know, short and to the point."

"I'll keep that sage advice in mind," said Qui dryly, "and see if we can't get you to develop a slightly longer attention span."

"Hey, foreplay sounds good," Ben said hastily. "I want to learn what you like, too."

"We'll work on it. Come on, we need to finish your notes from the session, then we can talk."

They spent ten minutes discussing what had gone well and what Ben should continue to work on. Qui asked about Ben's journal, and Ben had to admit he had been too distracted recently to make any entries.

"I suppose we can give you a pass under the circumstances, but you shouldn't let it slide too long."

"Yes, sir." Ben let a small half-grin slip out.

"Let's go sit in the shade."

Ben trailed Qui, water bottle in hand. He waited until Qui had selected a tree and sat down at its base, legs straight out, and patted the ground beside him, nodding for Ben to join him.

"Damned tree roots and hard ground," Ben grumbled sotto voce as he tried to find a comfortable position for his rear, setting the bottle off to the side.

"Heard that." Qui pulled Ben into his side, his arm around Ben's shoulders. "Just remember - love me, love my trees."

Ben mumbled an inarticulate mock complaint as he happily snuggled closer, smiling at the rumbling laugh he felt through the close contact.

"When do you have to be at work today?"

"By ten."

"We've got a little time then."

There was silence for several minutes.

Ben stirred. "Was there anything in particular you wanted to discuss?"

"Not really. Today I just want to feel what it's like to have you by my side."

"Oh. Alright."

Another very long silence.

"This is nice... being next to you, I mean," Ben ventured. "You're warm... sort of a solid, comforting feeling."

"It's one of the best parts of taking things slowly." Qui rubbed Ben's shoulder.

"I could get to really like this," purred Ben.

"That's good, because I already do."

"Mmmmhmh."

Another silence.

"Did you have your talk with Manus?"

An exasperated sigh. "Have you never heard of a concept called 'enjoying the moment', or do you always have to be talking?"

"Sorry. It just seems strange to sit around not doing or saying anything."

"But we are doing something. We are learning about each other."

"Oh." Ben turned his head to try to look up at Qui.

"And yes, I did talk to Manus. He approves."

"That's nice." Ben squirmed around, trying to get more comfortable. "Otherwise I might have to have a little talk with him myself."

"Something wrong?" Qui raised an eyebrow.

"The ground is hard and my butt's getting numb."

"Your sorry arse is going to have to develop a longer attention span too," growled Qui.

That struck Ben as incredibly hilarious, so he laughed, a laugh which turned into a guffaw. The next thing he knew he was stretched out flat on his back with Qui on his knees beside him, one hand holding Ben down, staring up at the incipient grin twitching on Qui's lips.

"Are we still learning?" Ben managed to tone his mirth down to a mere smirk. "Or can we do something more interactive?"

"Be careful what you wish for."

With a gleam in his eye, Qui captured both of Ben's hands and held them down beside his head. Slowly he lowered his own head until their mouths barely touched. He gently kissed first Ben's upper lip, then sucked softly on his lower lip, alternating between the two.

Ben strained upward trying to capture more of that heavenly treasure, frustrated by his inability to break the grip holding him in place. The more he reached, the further Qui retreated, staying tantalizingly close as he began fluttering barely there kisses along the side of Ben's face. Without warning Qui suddenly slipped down and probed Ben's ear with his tongue.

"Jesus!" gasped Ben as he bucked his hips.

"That interactive enough for you, boy?" whispered Qui. He lapped the ear again as Ben squirmed.

"Damn you," barked Ben, "get down here and I'll show you fucking interactive."

Qui let go of Ben's hands and slid down sideways, holding him close as he leaned in for a serious kiss.

Ben wrapped his arms around Qui, pushing back, trying to deepen that sweet pressure. He prodded persistently with his tongue, trying to force an entrance, his efforts eventually rewarded with a fervor that dragged him into its intensity. Ben gave himself over to the ravenous bliss of hot wet tongues twisting around each other in slithery abandon. He moaned into that scalding frenzy, feeling an answering echo in the breast bearing down on his. Reluctantly, he felt the cool air that announced the withdrawal of that hungry mouth, although he was grateful for the opportunity to draw in welcome air.

Qui leaned on one elbow, his own chest heaving, his other hand resting on Ben's cheek.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to get so carried away like that," murmured Qui contritely. "Are you alright?"

"You can carry me away any time you want." Ben could still feel sparks tingling down to his gut from the taste lingering in his mouth. He licked his lips. "I'm not one of your frail little lassies, Mr. Finn. I like it strong, so I know you're really there."

"Another learning point in my education." Finn had a lopsided smile as he rubbed a thumb along Ben's cheekbone. "You are an amazing temptation, Mr. Kennan."

Ben looked up into the smoky blue eyes and had to fight the urge to submerge himself. He caught Qui's wrist and turned it so he could see the face of the watch on it.

"Damn." Ben twisted his head away. "I've got to leave now if I'm going to have time to get cleaned up before work."

"A pity." Qui rose to his feet, then gave Ben a hand up. They walked silently back to Myrna.

"Tuesday morning?" Ben asked as he sat astride his motorcycle, helmet in one hand. "That's my day off." He let the words drift in the warm air.

"We'll see how things go." Qui leaned in for a quick kiss. "Take care."

As he started down the drive, Ben waved, well-satisfied with the progress of his courtship, but wondering how he was going to endure the next four days.

**************** ***************

There was no point in trying to call and chat on the phone because Qui seemed to have rotating hours and was often out of the house even when he wasn't working. In any event, Ben didn't want to seem like a love-struck teenager with no self-control, so he was forced to find other ways to occupy his time. As was his wont, hard work became Ben's panacea for loneliness over the long days. He volunteered for extra tasks at Midway and UPA, ran longer and exercised harder, and forced himself to sit down with his journal to begin putting down thoughts and impressions about his early childhood and his memories of his father. His reward for himself at the end of each evening was to run the DVD of Qui and practice his forms along with the recording, then slip into bed with the filched t-shirt for slumber. Even so, Tuesday seemed to take forever to arrive.

Ben woke early despite it being his day off, and decided to go for a run while it was cool. As he trotted back up the drive afterward, he passed Rafa and Celesta going out for a ride; they smiled and waved to each other. There was a large black four-wheel drive pickup truck with stake sides parked in front of the house. Ben glanced at it as he reached the front door and went in, wondering who owned it. That question was answered in a few seconds when he stopped in the kitchen. An older, heavy-set man sat at the table with Jane, sipping coffee as they made notes on a sheet of paper. Ben smiled politely and nodded as he got himself a glass of water and took a long drink.

"I think that wraps it up," said the man. "Deal?"

"Deal," Jane answered as they both stood and shook hands. Jane accompanied the visitor out to the front door, then returned with a satisfied smile.

"You look like you just got the best part of that trade," chaffed Ben as he sat at the table sipping more water.

"It was a fair trade, the best kind," Jane said as she gathered the used cup and put it in the sink, then poured herself another and sat down. "Morgan Granger has a place a ways down the road, and every year we get together for our fall dealing. He provides half a beef, cut and wrapped, and this year I'll give him a couple of bushels of vegetables from the garden, six customized sweaters, baby clothes for his new granddaughter and six of my special pies for Thanksgiving and Christmas. The beef will go into that big freezer out in the garage along with the pork from Vinny Tenado and the extra vegetables that I don't can."

Ben shook his head. "And here I was just thinking that you were talking about letting the extra room, although I have to admit he didn't seem the type to be looking to board."

"Won't need to let the room," said Jane, "that's taken care of."

"You already have a new boarder? Who is it?"

"I reckon nobody thought to mention it to you," Jane said casually. "With school starting next week and all, Rafa asked to take both rooms, seeing as they're connected with the bathroom and nice and private. She wanted to set up a study and sitting room so I gave her a discount for a two year agreement and helping out with the animal boarding."

"No, I didn't know." Ben was little miffed, even though he knew it wasn't really any of his business.

"She didn't want a big deal made about it." Jane looked shrewdly at Ben. "Rafa might be quiet, but she's also darned bright. She cottoned on to you being sensitive about money, and didn't want you feeling put out now that the family ranch has been sold so she's got all that set aside on top of the insurance."

Ben ducked his head in embarrassment, because that was exactly where his thoughts had been heading. "Sounds like she is wiser than me. Guess I still have a lot of work to do on that sort of thing," he sighed. "I don't envy how she got the money, though."

"We all have our little demons to sort out." Jane finished her coffee and stood up. "You still going over to Quilan Finn's this morning?"

"Yes, ma'am, I'll be leaving shortly."

And it was indeed a short time later that Ben pulled up at the familiar setting. He smiled as he carefully unstrapped a box from Myrna and carried it around the corner of the house.

"Hey, good morning."

Qui looked up from a sheaf of papers next to a couple of hardcover books. "Good morning. What's that?"

Ben set the box down on the table. "I brought you a present," he said. "I hope you like it."

"You don't have to do things like that."

"I wanted to." Ben shrugged. "It only cost me a little extra work, and it seemed like the least I could do after all the help you've been giving me."

"Let's take a look then." Finn loosened the single green ribbon, let it fall, then opened the flaps of the box. He reached inside and pulled out a fat red tomato. "What's this? Vegetables?" He peered in, a puzzled smile on his face.

"It seemed like something you might appreciate," said Ben. "The first plantings in the garden have been ripening now, so Jane helped me pick a few things out."

"That is a very thoughtful gesture, from both of you. Thank you." Qui set his glasses atop the papers, stood up and hugged Ben, kissed his nose, then nuzzled his ear. "That doesn't mean you have to work any less hard, of course," he whispered.

"Damn, you saw through my little ploy," Ben whispered back as he nipped Qui's ear. "You are too smart for me to get around."

"Flattery will get you a buss." Suiting action to words, Qui wrapped a hand around the back of Ben's head and gave him a long kiss. Afterward, he ran his fingers through Ben's hair, then stepped back. "Now, time to be getting to work."

"Yes, sir." Ben grinned as they headed over to start the morning session.

The session went smoothly and afterward, the two men returned to the table. Qui brought out a large jug of iced tea instead of water.

"Thought it would be nice to have something different today."

"It's good, thanks." Ben took another drink from his mug as they went over the notes of the session.

"You're coming along faster than I had thought. The first six movements were excellent, but we want to keep working on how you're shifting your weight and balancing during the rest."

"It's feeling better, a little more automatic when I stop thinking so hard about some of the details. I've been watching the DVD you made and practicing along with it. I've found it very helpful."

"If that works for you, then perhaps after a few more sessions we could start doing the square form together."

"Wicked pisser!" exclaimed Ben as a big smile spread across his face. "I'd really like that."

"Might help with your timing, as well as giving you a goal to work toward. I'm looking forward to it myself; it's been a while since I've partnered with anybody," Finn said with an answering smile. "How's your journal coming along?"

"I've been working on that, too." Ben paused thoughtfully. "It was difficult initially, trying to think back to what I first remembered and be objective about it. What I've found so far is that when I was very young I loved my father a great deal, I respected him and I wanted very much to earn his love and respect back." He shook his head sadly. "Trying to sort out where things went from there... that's going to be even harder."

"That's a good start, Ben. You can take it a step at a time, just like the other work we're doing. After all –"

"Patience and perseverance, yes, sir." Ben looked skyward. "I ought to have that tattooed inside my head so you just push the button and the words come out."

"Tsk, tsk, such an attitude, boyo. I should make you do pushups while you recite them."

Ben wrinkled his nose to express his thoughts about that idea, which only made Qui laugh.

"Despite your sorry, disrespectful attitude, you have earned a reward for doing so well today." Qui reached under the table and pulled out a sleeping pad. "Your poor little tender arse won't have to sit on the hard ground today." He stood up and drained his mug of iced tea, then gathered pad, books, papers and glasses. "Come over in the shade with me, boyo." He started walking toward the trees.

"You know, there are much softer places we could sit," Ben complained.

"We have to be taking advantage of this nice weather while we can," Qui retorted. "It's still warm this early in September, but it gets cool in October. We've had snow in October and November fairly often. There'll be plenty of time later to stay inside."

"Yes, sir."

They settled under the largest of the trees, simply talking and occasionally kissing. Ben enjoyed the way that Qui embraced him, ran his hands over Ben's face and hair, rubbed his back and shoulders and began expanding his kisses to include Ben's face, ears and neck. He happily reciprocated but sometimes had to remind himself not to be too aggressive, remembering that his last attempt to force his tongue into Qui's mouth had resulted in a reaction which Qui had seemed to regret at the time.

"'Tis a lovely way to spend such a fine morning," sighed Qui as he leaned back against the tree, one hand fondling the back of Ben's neck. "I should be getting on with some work, though."

"I thought you didn't have to go in until this afternoon," Ben murmured as he turned his head to kiss the palm of that large hand.

"That work, yes. We've got some leads in a rash of thefts and we'll be staking out a couple of likely places this evening." Qui shrugged and nodded toward the neglected books and papers. "I've been talking to Sandy about a new project at UPA. They want to do readings of sets of children's stories or fairy tales, so I said I would work up a set of Irish ones for them to vet. I need to do some first readings to see how some of them sound and I'm behind schedule."

"I'd love to listen while you read, maybe give you a little feedback." Ben hoped he didn't sound too needy, as that was his vision of a perfect way to spend time if he couldn't be doing more physical activities. He couldn't help thinking how nice it would be to listen to the real thing instead of his tapes.

"That's probably not a good idea. They usually sound pretty crap the first several times through," Qui's lips were pursed as he shook his head, "and I don't really like to have an audience until a reading is in decent shape."

"Have we found a kink in our shining knight's perfectionist armor?" asked Ben playfully as he poked a finger in Qui's ribs.

Qui scowled. "At any rate, you'd get bored and start talking, and that would just put me off."

"I wouldn't be bored. I like reading, and this is just like reading except you're doing all the work." Ben was trying to turn on the charm, but it didn't seem to be very effective.

"I don't know..."

"Qui, if this is going to be successful for us, we need to see some of each other's warts, to share things even if you think they're not perfect. I know I don't stay on my best company behavior all the time, and I wouldn't expect you to either."

There was a silence as Ben reached for the hand that had stilled on his shoulder and held it to his face.

"I promise I'll be quiet if that's what you need. I'm not trying to interfere with your life, but I want to be close to you, to touch you." Ben shook his head. "I'm finding it's like hugs; I never got them much at home, but now that I've found people who like to hug, it is becoming quite addictive."

"You've got a good point." Qui nodded slowly, arching an eyebrow. "Perhaps I have been living alone for too much of my life and not letting others in enough. I suppose that might be one of the reasons why things never worked out with any of the women." He looked at Ben, a lopsided smile on his face as he pulled Ben close for a hug. "Alright, we'll give it a try." He squeezed a little harder. "But if I hear any snickering or rude noises, your arse is out of here."

Ben was tempted to come back with a snarky query about snoring, but decided he was better off with a mild, "Yes, sir, you've got a deal."

Qui narrowed his eyes as if he had an excellent idea of what Ben had wanted to say, but in turn only said, "Get yourself settled then."

They rearranged themselves to get comfortable. Qui put on his glasses and bent his right knee to prop up his reading material. When Ben stretched out perpendicular to him on his back with his head on Qui's left thigh, Qui rested his free hand on Ben's chest, a pen loosely held.

For the next hour Ben listened contentedly as Qui tried out various stories, reading them different ways, making notes, going back and forth between the books and his papers. Occasionally, Ben would carefully shift his position, but Qui just went on working, sometimes absent-mindedly fondling Ben's head or shoulder.

"I think perhaps I'll put in some of the five minute stories and see if Sandy wants to use them," Qui muttered as he leafed through some printouts.

"May I ask what those are?" Since Qui's words had seemed to be thrown out somewhat in his direction, Ben finally ventured a comment.

"Those are short little bits, often with a point or moral to them, that you can tell when you don't have much time or you're passing stories around at a gathering. Here's a brief example." Qui picked up a sheet of paper and began reading.

"There was a fox that had three young ones, and when the time came to teach them how to fend for themselves, the old fox took them to a house. There was great talk going on inside the house. He asked the first two young ones if they could tell him who was in the house. They couldn't. Then he tried the third. 'Who is inside?' asked the old fox. 'Either two women or twelve men,' said the young one. 'You'll do well in the world,' said the old fox."

"That's cute," said Ben. "I noticed that almost all of the other stories seemed to have some sort of moral to them."

"Most children's stories are for teaching as well as entertainment if you really look at them closely, although sometimes the teaching point can be quite obscure." Qui picked up another page. "Let me get through a few more and I'll call it quits for now."

Qui toiled for another fifteen minutes before putting books and papers aside. He pulled off his glasses and set them on the books, then stretched. Ben took advantage of the break to stretch as well.

"I see you're still awake." Qui looked down at Ben with an amused smile.

"I enjoyed myself. I liked to hear the way you played with some of those stories, trying different ways to interpret them," Ben said as he leaned up on one elbow. "Did it bother you that I was here?"

"Not once I got going." Qui smiled wryly. "I've been told I have quite a remarkable ability to focus on one thing to the exclusion of all else, and it wasn't always meant in a good way."

"From what I've seen of you at UPA, I'd have to agree with the focusing part. It is pretty amazing to see you in action."

Qui stretched out and swung round to lie side-by-side facing Ben, grabbing him for a big kiss. "You like that action better?"

"Mmhhphmm." Ben couldn't get anything else out between trying to laugh and Qui's continued smooches. He held on to whatever piece of Qui was convenient and tried to return kisses as Qui began nibbling and licking Ben's left ear and neck.

"Of course, the work at UPA has its own attractions," murmured Qui as he switched to Ben's right ear.

"They do good things." Ben ran his hands across the width of Qui's broad shoulders and kissed his neck.

Qui worked his way back along the edge of Ben's jawline as he coasted fingertips down his spine.

"Working with Sandy is fun. She has a lot of interesting ideas for new projects."

"Right. She keeps things moving." Ben was far more interested in the tingling that was being generated as Qui sucked on the vein at the base of his neck. He let his head roll back to provide better access for Qui to explore beneath the edge of his t-shirt.

"She did mention something when I was there yesterday that I found a little curious." Qui nibbled at the juncture of Ben's neck and collar bone.

"What's that?" asked Ben absently.

Qui raised his head a little, turned so his mouth was near Ben's ear.

"Why does Sandy call you 'Mister PSA Man'?"

Ben stiffened and jerked away. He didn't need the heat shooting up the back of his neck to know that his face was bright red.

"Uuuughghgh..." Ben gurgled. He rolled away a few feet before sitting up, his back rigid. He looked around, anywhere but at his companion.

"I take it I hit some sort of nerve?" Qui had shifted to his belly, propped up on both elbows. He arched his eyebrows.

"What..." Ben swallowed. "What did she actually say?"

"We were talking about how well the archiving project this summer had gone, and how easy it was now to find files. She mentioned that one example was being able to pull together Public Service Announcements for you to listen to when you first visited the program. It was just in passing that she said she thought of you as Mister PSA Man, since so few people were usually interested in that sort of thing." Qui shrugged. "It just seemed very odd." He tilted his head, waved vaguely with one hand. "Is this something I should not have asked about?"

Ben buried his face in his hands, moaned and rocked a little. "Shit, this is so fucking embarrassing," he mumbled.

"You don't have to talk about it." Qui sat up. "It was just a fleeting curiosity."

"No." Ben raised his head and sighed. "I'm the one who insisted we need to know more about each other." He gave a rueful snort. "Hoist with my own petard." Ben looked at Qui. "Promise you won't laugh?"

Qui nodded. "No laughing."

"Alright." Ben leaned back on both arms as he gathered his thoughts. He took a deep breath before he began speaking. "I hadn't been in town very long. It was a Saturday night; I was down in my room, tired and feeling lonely." Ben paused as he thought back to that miserable evening. "I happened to turn on the radio and heard you doing a music show on UPA. I was captivated by your voice." He bowed his head. "It probably sounds pretty silly. I had no idea who you were, but I felt this sort of connection. I tried to find more recordings you had done at the library, but had no luck. I found out about UPA and went out to the office." Ben glanced up at Qui. "That's where I met Sandy for the first time. I said I was interested in the program, and that I wanted to find out if there were tapes by you in particular. She was suspicious, of course." Ben felt his face reddening again and stopped.

"Sandy is zealous about the rules on staff privacy, so I can imagine what she was probably thinking," said Qui quietly.

"I didn't want her throwing me out, so I had to think of something outrageous," Ben admitted, biting his lip for a moment. "I told her I wanted a tape of you doing PSAs so I could masturbate to it."

"Indeed." Qui merely quirked an eyebrow. "What did Sandy do?"

"She laughed so hard she had tears coming down. She did have Tommy put together a tape of your old PSAs for me, but was adamant about not telling me anything about you. Sandy offered to think about it if I would help with a fundraiser. I showed up the next weekend, she worked my tail off for two days, then later called me to let me know I could come to the studio when you were doing your next reading of new PSAs." Ben rubbed the back of his neck. "The ironic thing is that what I told her was true."

"I suppose that would explain why you wanted me to read to you when you offered to work on my truck."

"Yes, sir. I wanted to try to get to know you, to see more of you. Your voice was like magic... I was hooked and had to have more." Ben sat up straight, his hands clenched on his thighs, swallowed hard to make it to his next words. "I got all the recordings of you I could lay my hands on and I listened to them, sometimes too much, until I learned to get some control of my feelings." His voice dropped and he stared down at the grass. "I still listen to some of them at night, especially when I haven't been able to see you. I hope you don't think I'm too weird or some kind of a pervert, but for a long time it was all I had to keep me going, especially after I met you at UPA and it seemed so obvious that you were straight." Ben's voice caught and he fell silent, his breath hitching as he waited for Qui's reaction.

There was a long silence. Ben chanced a glimpse of Qui's face; he couldn't tell from the withdrawn expression what was going through his ranger's head and chewed on the inside of his cheek nervously.

Eventually, Finn focused his gaze on Ben. His eyes crinkled and a corner of his mouth twitched upward. He got to his hands and knees and slowly came over to Ben, gathered him in his arms and gently laid him down on the ground, holding him tight.

Ben closed his eyes as he settled into the comforting embrace, his own arms wrapped around his ranger.

"A few months ago, I would have thought your behavior was very strange, and that you were perhaps somebody I should be staying as far away from as possible," Qui said softly. "Even now, I'm still coming to terms with the feelings I have for you, but I can understand some of what you must have felt." He tucked Ben's head under his chin. "You've certainly been in my thoughts more and more as I've come to know you better, and I imagine if I'd had pictures or tapes of you, I probably would have spent time looking or listening. When you care for someone, it's natural that you want to be with that person and that you think about him when you can't." He kissed the top of Ben's head.

"So you don't mind that I learned to love your voice first?"

"That's actually romantic in its own way, I suppose. A little odd initially, and I suspect that nowadays many people would think that you were perhaps some sort of stalker, but I believe I shall store it all in the category of odd but endearingly charming." Qui squeezed harder for a moment before moving one hand to stroke the back of Ben's head and neck. "Thank you for sharing."

"Love you," Ben murmured as he let the steady heartbeat next to his head soothe his shaken nerves.

Chapter Twenty-One is at:
katbear.livejournal.com/28161.html